Holidays!

Finally handed in the dumb animatic.

I'm happy that I've finally gotten myself acquainted with my tablet, which has been sleeping behind my laptop for months. I'm still not very good with it yet, and I'm not very familiar with most features of Photoshop so we have to wait a while until I start painting really nice stuff.

: )

My sleeping hours are screwed up again, thanks to an extra long CS session yesterday. Went to bed after 8 am wtf. I was awake 24 hours already by then, with 2 hours sleep the night before.

Met more people who said I'm pretty, but although I beam at their comment, I still feel ugly. Figures. Childhood memories don't fade that fast.

It's funny to see how differently people treat you when you get your braces off, grow your hair out and have your skin cleared up by a professional torturer aka facialist.

It almost feels like it's cheating - paying for people to treat you nicer, right?

In essence, I'm still the same person who sits berkangkang, with unwashed hair and drools in her sleep.

Of course, I'm not complaining that people tend to treat me better now, especially guys. However, online appearances are always deceiving, and I'm afraid if any of my online friends see me in real life they will run away screaming OMG UGLYYY! D:

Well. It hasn't happened yet, but who knows? But a better question would be, why do I care?

I mean I like my face enough, although it's not perfect. I have slightly lopsided eyes, a big nose with a slight bump, thin lips, straight eyebrows, seriously crooked bone structure and messy wavy hair.

Some days I wish I had a symmetrical face, a dainty ski-slope nose, full lips, and long, straight, shiny hair but then I'd look like every other 'pretty' girl out there.

I want to be pretty, but I want to be special at the same time. What a pity most people's notion of beauty is the same - which makes you inexplicably boring to look at after the first 'wah so pretty!'

But then I want a lot of things.

I want to be pretty.

I want to be a fantastic artist.

I want to be a kick-ass gamer.

I want to be a filial daughter.

I want to be a dedicated girlfriend.

I want to be a loyal friend.

I want to be a good person.

And I want to stand out in everything I do, but sadly, I fall short of almost everything (maybe everything) and sometimes it just seems like everyone is better than you, no matter what it is that you want to do.

And my most shameful shortcoming? Giving up. I surrender at the first sign of losing.

I can't stand to see myself losing a fair fight, so I stop trying - some twisted way of deceiving myself. 'I'm not losing, I just slacking.'

When I was young, I wanted so many things.

I wanted to be respected, adored, feared. I wanted to be a vet and save lives of animals. I wanted to be a scientist, a mathematician, a rockstar.

Now I can narrow down my list to the aforementioned 7 desires.

I used to crave excellence, but wanted to seem like I wasn't really trying.

I ended up REALLY not trying. And subsequently failing. Then saying 'of course I can do better, I just can't be bothered.'

Fail fail fail.

I remember when I was in standard 1 and I had a 100% percent average. I was head of the class, and everyone knew me and everyone wanted to be on my good side.

I was an ugly kid I guess. But when you're 7, looks don't matter. I don't remember what I was like, or what quality I had that drew people to me but anyhow it's gone now!

I'm not sure exactly when the decline started...I guess when I switched schools and started over in standard 5. I was insecure, gangly, horrible at chinese with a 'yang ren' face (Westerner, not goat. Please man.)

And OH what a crime - I liked to read. Instantly labeled nerd. Yay happy happy. Coupled with the fact that I was one of the 6 PTS students from that year...oh my god. Not to mention my salad bowl and specs and buck teeth and knobbly knees.

LOL. Even typing it out makes me laugh. What a pathetic mental image right?

I guess it was then I wanted to be 'effortlessly' smart. There's a different feeling between getting good results out of hard work, and getting good results just cause you're 'smart like that.'

I guess you feel like a genius for a second there. But it got worse...when I started secondary I already felt so alienated by my peers it was just sad. And I STILL liked to read and I refuse to give it up. Why should I give it up because people think it's nerdy or snobbish?

-_- I like to read, sudahlah. Judgemental pricks.

I was at my most antisocial point in life then. I felt like everyone was judging me. From the way I looked to the way I walk and the things I say (or don't say.) I still remember that Siew Lei told me she could still remember her first impression of me - even now!

I was doing a hamtaro impression - munching jagung. Wtf? HAHA. And I still had my adorable buckteeth then, to enhance the hamster effect.

Starting secondary changed me. I was no longer an outstanding student. From being top of the year in english, maths and BM (omg I can't believe I was a BM star student in primary) I was just...average.

Part of me felt relieved that I wouldn't be singled out for my 'nerdiness' any more, but part of me felt disappointed that I was no longer one of the best.

And I slacked. Boy, did I slack. I still can't believe I could DotA throughout SPM. I see my gaming kakis quit gaming for their exams, and I couldn't do even that. I remember playing until past midnight and going to sit for a paper 7 hours later.

Results day was a painful day for me. I finally realise that the 'effortlessly' excelling thing wasn't working out for me. I remember sitting in the hall, praying (ridiculously) that I could somehow manage 9 As. And when my name wasn't called I hoped (stupidly) for 8 As.

And when my name STILL wasn't called, my heart just plummeted, and I realised omg what the fuck have I been doing?

And then I went to college and didn't qualify for the Taylor's scholarship/subsidy that required a minimum of 8As/7A1s.

I remember looking at my results - 7As/6A1s and cursing the government for letting me get A2 on Bio and costing me the grant.

Bio was a subject I aced! A1 through Form 4 and 5 and I got an A2 when I needed it the most? What the hell?

Then I realised it wasn't the government's fault that I didn't get my scholarship (though the education system is still horribly biased and stupid.) It was my fault for not working hard enough.

I'm pretty goddamned sure I could have been a straight A student if I really tried. But I was still in that dumb fantasy that being smart and not investing any hard work would be sufficient to carry me through life easily.

Although my results are pretty fucking good for someone who barely studied (lowest were B3s), I know my family were very disappointed in me. My mom said it was alright, as long as I tried my best she was alright with my results.

Tried my best? PFFT. I barely tried. I failed Add Maths and Chemistry through secondary and only deigned to catch up less than a month before SPM.

I'm so lucky to even have Abigail who was kind enough to give me a crash course in so many subjects - history, chem, and add maths - while she also had to study. AND she got straight As.

I feel so ashamed. At the time I felt proud that I scored that much without studying, but I just feel dumb.

Although it wasn't of much consequence (besides losing the Taylor's money) I still feel like a loser.

College was the same. I stoned and slept my way through college. =__= I spent more time playing at Ftz than being in english and accounts class.

See. Got evidence. The whole row was my classmates, lol.

I kept telling myself that I was smart and I would survive college and uni and eventually the workforce.

I reluctantly applied for the RMIT scholarship after my mom bugged me about it. I was so lax about myself that I didn't even trust myself to apply for a scholarship even when I had nothing to lose. I didn't believe I could get it. I had lost so much confidence in myself by then.

Then, a letter came. I got it. I GOT IT! My mom was literally dancing around with joy, and I realised that since my sweep of trophies and passing the PTS in standard 3, I have achieved virtually NOTHING in the previous 8 years.

What a pathetic, slacking slob this promising kid had become. I could only imagine how hurt my parents must have been to see all that lost potential.

Foundation year in RMIT was the best year for me. It was the year that reminded me how good it felt to have hard work pay off AND how satisfying it felt to know that you had truly done your best.

I graduated with a high distinction average (81) and I hadn't felt better in years.

This year, I slacked a little in Semester 1. Was dealing with a fair amount of homesickness and had to deal with difficult teammates and some shit. However, I am determined to do my best this semester. :)

It's the holidays, and I'm heading back to the games lab to work. ^__^

Maya here I come :D

I blogged this post across almost 10 hours. So if you missed the point...you probably didn't cause I don't know what the point was supposed to be either.

Home sweet home T__T

*STONE*

I just spent my whole night last night and my whole day today (which started at 5pm) playing pokefuckingmon.

DAMN LIFELESS WEI.

I should be doing my programming assignment which is due at 11.59pm tomorrow but instead I'm rotting away on the laptop, desperately searching for ANYTHING else to do.

I just searched AirAsia and the cheapest ticket I can find is 269$ which is still bloody expensive - 800+rm.

Of course, I can just work 14 hours (less than 2 days work) to cover that expense. I am willing to pay that amount to go home early.

My mom said she bought my ticket for the 26th of June already, but I've trawled through her AirAsia mails and account and found nothing. Maybe she was mistaken?

Tried texting her to skype me, but for some reason it's not going through.

I feel a bit guilty just THINKING about buying a new ticket. Even though I'm going to pay for it myself, it's still wasting my mom's money, which is limited.

But I really really really want to go home. I'm dying here at Melbourne. Life isn't hard. Life is easy. TOO easy. I'm BORED TO DEATH.

I just found out that my semester actually ends on the 28th of May, and NOT June. Whatthefuckthissucksman. The whole of June is allocated for exams - which guess what? I ONLY HAVE ONE!

The timetable is coming out on the 3rd, so I'm anxiously waiting for it's release and praying REALLY REALLY REALLY (oh god I've been good luck please favour me) hard that it's in the first week of June. Then I can go home and celebrate my birthday with all my loved ones. *__*

I still remember last year's celebration. Celebrated with mostly my sister's friends (none of whom I'm close to) and 5 of my new classmates (only one of which that I'm close to) and a bottle of Absolut.

I was really touched that my friends bought me this huge fancy chocolate cake and all, but you know, nothing beats celebrating your special day with the people you're closest to.

Not to mention, 1.5 cups of Absolut had one of my extremely alcohol-intolerant friends screaming and kicking on the floor hysterically for more alcohol. (She had another half shot and was promptly sent to bed.)

I, on the other hand, was rolling around on the bed giggling incoherently and hyperventilating while on the phone with my boyfriend. (That was after 3 consecutive ice-less shots of peach vodka.) Then I decided to sleep cause I didn't like the dizzy feeling. Then I woke up, ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet bowl. Then I went back to sleep.

What a night, huh? I didn't even get round to cutting the cookie cake my sis bought for me. What a shame -__-

This year, if all goes well, I may be celebrating my 19th birthday with my friends and family. Maybe a day out with mom and Sam, then off to clubbing with Viv and then going home and hugging my bony boyfriend to sleep.

Sounds much better than doing shots with classmates in my apartment huh?

I blame Viv lor! She keeps harassing me to come back earlier and making Msia sound so much funner than Melbourne. -___- I already wanted to come home earlier, and now I feel like I HAVE to come home earlier or perish of loneliness and boredom.

Seriously, what am I going to do when classes finish on the 28th of May? I'd like to work, but it's only 20 freaking hours a week (maximum allowed with a student visa), which is only 2 and a half days. What am I going to do with the other 4.5 days?

Shop? I've shopped in every affordable and convenient place in Melbourne already. I don't feel like taking a 45 min train ride just to go shopping in some expensive mall in the suburbs.

Game? Please. I'd rather game in Msia where there's no lag. Oh CS how I miss thee! *___*

Go clubbing? Er, no thanks. If it's not free, I'm not going. And the only club-worthy friend I have NEVER gets drunk. Which means, I'd be the only doing the chicken dance and rolling on the dancefloor swinging head around singing. Awkward much?

Well, it's still awkward even with a friend, but at least you get to share the shame. :)

And I'm sure she will want to flirt and dance with boys, and I DON'T want to, so who am I going to dance with? I can't very well hog her the whole night, that would be ridiculously selfish.

Much as I'd like to join in the fun and flirt, I just can't imagine myself disrespecting my boyfriend that way. I know he trusts me and all, but I'm sure it would hurt his feelings if I do - and I'm not willing to do that just to drunkenly dance with some random horny guys in a club for a night.

I'd rather stay home and play CS with retardbengs than do that. And that's saying a lot.

Ha. That reminds me of the night I was such a spoilsport at Maison. I blatantly refused to dance with any guys although I was high and came alone...and I just kept waggling my finger at them like a scolding schoolteacher, shaking my head and tottering away unsteadily in search of more ice cubes to crunch.

I also vaguely remember elbowing some guy on the dancefloor who hugged me from behind. I don't know what happened to him. Poor guy. After all, I guess he'd expect that a girl alone on the dancefloor in a club would be single, obliging and high. How unlucky of him to stumble upon a very stubborn, taken and violent girl. (With bony elbows too.)

Hmm. I digressed again. Back to the point.

If I come home early, that means I'd have plenty of time to get my long overdue driving license. YAY?

And I'd have more precious time to spend with Sam. Now that he's working I only have his nights and weekends and that will never be enough! No!

I also want to go camp at some cc and play CS until I fall asleep. I want to go and find Helyna (until now also belum -_-) and game/bkt with her in Klang. I want to stone at home.

I would rather do nothing at home in Malaysia than do nothing in my apartment at Melbourne. This is because:

1. I can escape the chilling winter. I HATE THE COLD.

2. I can entertain my mom, who's home alone with nothing much to do but watch TV and make jewellery.

3. Shopping in Msia is generally 1/3 the cost.

4. There is a much higher chance of my friends asking me to go out (as compared to here, where I only go out with Amanda.)

5. I can play the piano, I can play with my dogs, I can play CS.

6. Boyfriend! Need I say more?

DAMMIT. I can't wait for my timetable to come out. PLEASE LET IT BE IN THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE.

Please let mom be mistaken about the fact that she bought my ticket already.

Please let me earn some AUD before I go back home.

Please. Please. Please.

Amen.

Kweesmuss

Merry Christmas to all!

I'm currently in Singapore for a holiday/shopping trip and onlining wireless-ly at my cousin's house with a 10.1" Acer lappie.

Waiting for the bf to come home. :)

He bought me the sweetest present ever! It's a small music box that plays our song (or at least a modified version that sounds like it.)

AWWWWWWWW.

The cute fella was so excited that he found the perfect gift that he actually blabbed it to me a while ago. But then he managed to convince me that he changed his mind and bought something else instead. I only half-believed him but I LOVE IT so much. Mushmushmushmushmushmush thank you baby! ^__^

On another note, I've been a bad bad gf and I haven't bought anything for him yet. WTF.

As most people know, I completely suck at shopping for presents, especially guys, and I thought I'd get him something from Singapore where it's all Christmassy and shopping-y and I'd be hit by a bolt of inspiration.

Mana tau, I accidentally told him that I was looking for his present just now and he sounded all wounded and like "you haven't bought my present yet? T___T"

AWWWW I SUCK BALLS LA.

Sorry sorry baby. Come home I give you lots of sayangs to make up for it okay?

ARGHHH PLEASE COME HOME NOW. There a lizard crawling around on the floor and some FUCKING HUGE GREEN BEETLE BUZZING AROUND NOISILY banging the ceiling and diving to the couch in turns.

OMG SCARY LA.

Ok ok I digress. I shall not get dist...FUCK IT LANDED NEXT TO ME FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Okay it's gone. I can't stand it much longer akjhdkajhdajgad I'm terrified please please please please come back now so I can webbie you and make kissy faces and run off to bed before I get devoured by a badass bug and put on Santa's shit list.

Chipette.

Chipettes are the female version of the Chipmunks. As in Alvin and the Chipmunks. I only found out when jie told me and mom in the car and we both burst out laughing while my sis just looked bewildered.

What vulgarity to come out of her clean mouth.

CHIPETTE is the new CHEEPET.

Cheers. Tired of typing edi, I'm scared the clicking noise of my typing sounds like a beetle's mating call or something and the bugger (punny haha) will come down and hump my hand.

FAKKKK IT FELL ON THE XMAS TREE!

LEARN TO FLY LA PEPET KO! MAMA NEVER TEACH! DIUUUUU.

T___T Ok Merry Christmas and good night all.

I love you baby. If you see this and I'm offline already, I'll call you tomorrow. :)

Slurps.

Just came back from Kota Kinabalu, where my oldest cousin finally married his high-school sweet heart. *dreamy sigh*

The wedding was done Western-style - the ceremony and dinner was supposed to be held on the beach, but alas!

Stormy weather!

So we had it indoors but it was amazing nonetheless. :)

Awwww it was so romantic la...makes me wish my wedding day would come earlier. *__* Which probably explained why I was the only person who chased after the bride's bouquet after her toss missed the whole crowd of girls.

My aunt picked it up, intending to hand it to my sister, but since I eagerly ran forward she gave it to me and I hoisted it high in triumph!

Kidding. I just took a picture with the bride, who proclaimed that her wedding dress was now mine to wear for my own wedding. WOW! I love the dress, its so pretty *__*

Afterwards, the bride and groom and some of the guests (40 people only) got a little bit high and started dancing and doing some raunchy stuff.

OH and they had the garter-removing ceremony that I like so much! Traditionally, the bride wears a garter (a band of fabric normally used to hold stockings up) around her thigh underneath her wedding gown. After the wedding, the groom is supposed to slide the garter of her leg with his teeth, signifying the end of the bride's virginity. *__*

My other cousin whispered to me that she could see her pepet and that luckily she had a brazilian wax WTF HAHA. Then the bride pula was saying really loudly that she wasn't wearing a bra etcetc WTF I dowanna get high on my wedding wei!

Anyway after that someone stuffed the removed garter down the front of the groom's pants and the bride had to remove it with her teeth. AHAHA looks so obscene, and it took so long too -______-

After that the groom did a lap dance for the bride where he unbuttoned his shirt before finishing it. Then the 80-year-old grandma shouted:

"THAT'S IT? TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!"

LOLOL what la these people rawkzors la. 80-years-old wei, no joke.

Entahlah, but I really enjoyed the wedding la, it's so much more fun that the usual waiting-forever-for-the-next-dish-to-come, 150 yamsengs from 150 tables and the old fart karaoke session at the end.

Did I mention we had barbeque dinner? Oh yes, lamb with mint gravy and cheese-stuffed sausages. I LOVE I LOVE YES YES!

Okay, I want my wedding to be something like this one la. :D:D:D

Pretty pretty family pic ^__^ Yes the dress code was white - I'm going to have a dress code for my wedding too so watch out la. I'm going to make you all dress as HoN heroes or in a CS outfit of your choice to celebrate how Sam and I met - through gaming ~_~

HAHA just kidding. But maybe la. See first. :P

Cuti-cuti Malayyyysiaaaa

If you didn't know, I have returned from Melb for a 3 month holiday :D

It seems like a long stretch of nothing-to-do-ness as I don't have anything like upcoming exams or holiday homework or a job. All I can foresee is days and days of butt-numbing gaming in front of the pc.

(YES I CALL MY MAC A PC, nehnehnibubu Apple freaks)

My laptop died the night I came home - it froze during startup, on both the Windows and Mac OS. This happened when I was trying to fix the network adapter and the pc hung and I gave it a hard reboot.

:/ So I took it to Epicenter in Pavilion and the guy said that my Bootcamp (Windows on my Mac) wasn't installed properly and he did it for me!

So now I have the Snow Leopard OS HOHOHO.

Not like I know what's the difference between Snow Leopard and just Leopard (the old one.)

But now my function keys no longer have errors and I can access my Mac hard disk from Windows! OMG so happy!

Therefore, I don't need to repartition my pc as I can access all files from both OS. Last time I could only pull files from Windows in Leopard and not the other way round.

*__*

3 days gaming and I've finally made it into the top 15 on Mun Yue's server. Haha! :D #14 now, with Sam at #15 HAHA.

But he hasn't been playing lately la, he's a a far better and more experienced player than me. I'm just the kind of see-people-then-shoot-lor kind of player.

3 different people called me hacker already YAY! You know you've made an impression on someone when they say you're cheating (but you're not.)

~_~

Poor Sammy got food poisoning. I was wondering why he never called this morning - he was supposed to come and hang out at my house.

Then at like 4 something he called my house phone (my sis was using my hp) and said that he got bad food poisoning and went to the hospital.

WTF. I feel like such a bad gf la. Never call and ask to see where he was =_= To be fair, my hp was my alarm and my sis took it so I woke up at 3.30 pm

Awww. Anyway he's been discharged and I'm going to wake up early tomorrow to go to his place and sayang him and feed him 100 plus and watch movies with him ^_^

My english teacher emailed me, saying that I scored 90% on my final paper, giving me a 90% average for the second semester.

HAHA I rock neneh. :P I finished the paper in 45 mins summore fuyoh...we had 2 hours to do it. ~_~ /lansi

Now I hope my other subjects scored as well la. I already know my Multimedia got about a 81~82% average.

I'm aiming for an 80% average overall but I don't think I can do it lor. Rasa macam gonna fall short a little (I got a 89.75% average on Sem 1 FAK)

I'll know in about a week or so and maybe I'll update la.

No mood to blog sial.

I just wanna go shopping and gaming and cuddle with bf and find my friends.

Feel like doing up my blog with flash as a holiday project but I don't know how to make it work properly on blogger.

But I will try la. :)

Whatever. I think I've become a very boring blogger.

So byebye la. Tomorrow have to wake up early and if I could cook I'd make chicken soup and suap my poor sick boy but I'd probably make him sicker if I do so I'm just gonna bring my laptop and lots of love :D

Good night.

Invisihack!

Ahahah Sam, Henry and I were fooling around in CS today.

There 4 of us in dedust_2 - 3 of us and 1 stranger, Kyle.

So basically it was 2 on 2 - Sam and Me vs Henry an Kyle

Then, the sozai Henry got this idea of pretending he had Invisible Hack.

He told us to pretend we couldn't see him and then he went to plant the bomb at A.

"pretend like cannot find!"

So Sam and I ran all over looking up and down, round and round while Henry ran alongside us watching - INVISIBLE!

Then I ran away while they both got blown up.

"say wtf invisible bomb!"

Sam and I obliged.

"wtf???"

"invisible bomb??? wtf hack meh? noob host!"

Then the guy was like:

"Funny game, this."

I went "HOST INVISIBLE HACK LA. we cannot see him very funny meh? so unfair la!"

Then we kept running around and Henry kept killing Kyle, while Henry walked past and we both pretended not to see him.

"eh, later i walk past you shoot me then i will shoot randomly."

So I walk from bombsite B towards CT spawn and Sam walked past Henry, and Henry started firing with the silencer on.

HAHAHHA Sam act like kena shock, then start firing randommly until Henry killed him.

Then of course I act like Sam kena possess then start shooting randomly in that direction also. Then Henry shoot shoot I turn around BANGBANGBANG.

Then he stop then I pretend damn confused keep turning around, shooting hiding spots. Then he shoot me again then I BANGBANGBANG then he killed me.

I'm sure the Kyle must be laughing pretty damn hard LOL.

"diu lei noob host, dont hack la. so unfair oOo"

Then got one time I was shooting at alley tunnel door, while Henry was running like a sozai right in front of me. I kept shooting outside pretending like I thought he was there when the sozai ran right into my crosshair and I headshot him. HAHA.

"sei la lei, so noob la host. invisible also die la. chaohai noob host!"

"you see la! next round I knife you mou?"

"diu lei"

Next round Sam and I ran up the alley and killed Kyle, then Henry knifed Sam at the bottom of the alley. I shot around while Henry kept slashing me.

Then he finally killed me and the Kyle cannot tahan. He was like "host don't hack la. very unfair!"

LOL My acting sibeh good leh! Shoujld have recorded demo AHAHHA damn kesian that Kyle he really believed Henry had invisible hack.

"but i can see him wor."

"i dunno la, maybe opponents only cannot see. diu leh how to shoot if i cannot see him? wtf got such thing?"

Then Henry planted silent bomb at A side while we were there.

"run to b! run to b!"

I ran to B site and met Sam, then we both ran back to A, looking for the bomb, and it was too late all 3 of us exploded HAHAHAHAH.

Then after I left Henry went to join Sam, leaving Kyle alone. Then Sam distracted Kyle so Henry can knife him from behind.

"host you still invi meh???"

LOL HE TOTALLY BELIEVE WEI LOL!

Must have been there to see la. Fucking funny ok. Lol Sam and I actblur damn pro. Henry pro at acting lansi LOL.

Ahah, another day spent sleeping and fooling around with kawans. :D

I love holidays!

Happysteph

:D

Just had the best two weeks of my life ^___^

I guess you'll never know if you're a pro- or anti-PDA couple until, well, it happens. And yessss, some of my friends, family and several unlucky members of the public were witnesses to Sam's and my shamelessness.

Hwahwahwa. I saw him for 15/16 days that I was back in Msia. The one day was mommy-daughter bonding day when we went to get our hair cut. o_O

Thanks to all my kawans and family who made my 2 weeks a very fun and special holiday. :D Thanks for all the people who showed up for my belated 18th birthday party; whether you brought presents or not was irrelevant, your presence means so much to me.

See, I've became sappy lala chick.

But funny thing is I don't give a damn.

I was squirming around spread-eagle on the Sunway Pyramid ice skating rink attempting to make ice-and-water angels and all I felt was glee and happiness.

So much that people didn't even feel sorry or embarassed for my wipeout. They were laughing - and laughing WITH me, not AT me cause I was guffawing unabashedly the whole day. o_O

Hehehehhahaha. Not to mention I was wearing super-lala over-the-knee socks that I bought on a whim while shopping with Amanda. It was intended to be sleep socks for winter but mom saw it and made me wear it to go ice skating.

Needless to say, even the lalas were staring at me cause I definitely out-lala-ed them, if that makes any sense. XD

Funny thing is I can look like a total bimbolala now and it doesn't bother me at all. People can say and think what they want about me, but I know Sam would love me even if I were wearing granny undies so I don't give a shit anyway. :D

And mom and some kawans are so happy that I'm finally becoming more feminine - tying my hair, wearing skirts and short shorts. Shopping for 4 inch heels and earrings etc.

Some people scoff and say I'm doing this all for my boyfriend. Oh noooo I'm not doing it FOR him. I'm doing it BECAUSE of him.

Confused?

Simply put, I used to refuse to dress myself up nicely to impress a guy. I want that person to know and love me for who I am.

After going out with Sam on numerous occassions in my pajama tee and 3-day-old greasy hair and pimples, I can now dress up and take care of my appearance without fear of judgment.

:o Makes sense?

Maybe not, but I am finally secure with myself. Yi Ling can roll her eyeballs and brand me a lala now, but the fact is that I know what I'm capable of and most importantly, you don't have to look gorgeous to be attractive.

And for that, thank you dear boyfriend. :D

Since I was young, I never believed in dressing up to impress people (unless they're your boss.) If a guy never noticed you before, but notices you after a facial, haircut, makeup, wardrobe makeover and numerous personality tweaks, would you be happy with yourself?

I don't know about you, but I would feel horrible that people can't accept me for who I am, and only deign to take notice of me when I conform to the stereotype they like.

Nom. I can wear miniskirts and tube tops and don't give a fuck to all the naysayers out there. Don't like my collarbones? Don't look at them. My boobs not big enough for you? Grow some of your own and squeeze them la. Not my problem right?

Bwahaha. I am now in a happy place mentally, although I feel a bit emo now that I'm back in Melbourne and my Sammy is 7000 kms apart once again.

Leaving him physically is like going back to where we started from - chatting and webcamming online. I find something comforting in that, though I wish I could hold his hand and sit next to him all the time. :)

But it helps.

I love glowing. :D Strangers flirt with me in public and I find that a whole new experience that is very flattering. However, I find old men and uncles very creepy when they're eyeballing me.

You could say I'm age-ist. :)

There was this old man sitting opposite me and my boyfriend on the way home one night and he was just staring and staring so I looked away. Later Sam told me that they had some silent male altercation that I didn't notice.

Hamsup old man was staring at my bare legs, so Sam reached his hand down and caught his wandering eye and snapped for attention. They glared at each other...and the old man FLEXED HIS BICEPS.

LOLOLOLOL. SKIN AND BONE!

*flex flex*

Wah I damn scared omg O_O

Abuthen Sam is also a skinny bitch so if it came down to a fight I guess it's up to me to kick the old man in the testicular region. :)

Tomorrow is the second day of my second semester in uni. I have to wake up early to go to Vicmart to buy a dragonfruit. :/

And I'm still slightly groggy from the flight - couldn't sleep solidly.

So good night. :D

Psyched!

Can't wait to come homeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

Earlier, I handed in my textile design to my lecturer. Another guy lecturer walks in and said:

"I'd give that one a 95%, right there."

WALAO CAN I CHANGE LECTURER PLEASE?

Summore this is the subject where my lecturer marks me damn harshly wei. Damn fussy and picky and fickle-minded.

Of course, while I was reeling in shock of unexpected praise, she did her thing and put a damper on it all by going:

"Pfft? You like that? How about this one then?"

Then she picked another person's work and showed it to him.

Die laaaa bitchhh let me bask in my moment of glory la. -_-

:( Oh well.

I CAN'T WAIT TO COME HOMEEEE.

Amanda is staying from Saturday to Tuesday morning, in return for offering me her home next Jan/Feb when I fly off to Miri with my Sammmmmmy. :D

Let's see what's possibly on the schedule, hmm.

- Zouk

- MOS

- Gold classs XD

- Shop with Amandahhhh

- Shop with kamonaaaa

- Eat chilli fishball

- Eat korean ice cream

- Starbucks!

- Haircut

- Birthday party with family and kawans :)

- SEE ASS + DotA!

- Ice skating with Tan Sui

- Teh Ais with Alex?

- Makan with KC

- Cari Vivi

- Takei with JK - visit ftzzzzzzz :D

- Nomnomnom my boy :3

Wheeeeee I can't wait.

Screw quarantine. I'm fit as a fiddle and I won't stay home unless I start showing flu symptoms. o_O

Wheeeeee. Tuesday edi. Leaving 12.30 am Saturday!

*hops around happily*

3 days of shopping and my New Media paper on Friday, then packpackpack and buhbye Melbourne. :)

I'm alive!

Happy Birthday Siew Lei, Brandon, Jern and Sui Yi!

Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!

There.
I've made up the whole of last month's worth of blogging.

Ok. It's been about 3 weeks since I last blogged. I just gave up on Lydia's tiny little laptop with it's german keyboard (if I type my name as Stephanie Zeong again I'm gonna scream) and I was too busy satiating my CS hunger in Melbourne to blog.

Let's not even discuss about Perth shall we?

I'm just gonna mention 3 phrases:

Dial-up.

Ancient dinosaur-era computer.

In the service apartment lobby.

I finished 3 storybooks on my sofabed during that one week instead.

Well, Aussie was fun. I gained 3 kgs (as I planned, hohoho) and just about lost them in less than a week (that's Malaysia for me.)

Happy to say that my plans for Uni are finalised and I'm off to RMIT for my arts foundation on the 20th of February.

)))): That's leaves me less than 2 months to see my friends and...pack my stuff....and.........leave?

OMG I'm lifeless!

-___-

Anyway, it's 7.50 am right now.

No, if you know me you'd know that I have NOT, in fact, woken up early to blog at ungodly hours (for people my age) and I just haven't slept yet, that's all.

Mona KO-ed at roughly 6 something, so I had a shower and finished my storybook and basically stoned around doing random stuff - I EMAILED MY MOM, THAT'S how random.

So I decided to come back to the blogging world.

Hello world.

(IT student joke, if you don't get it, it doesn't matter I've always been a super geek anyways.)

So yeah. Here I am.

*hums*

Ok, sorry, was just recalling what I was going to say - lost touch with this blogging thing already, dammit!

Have you ever felt like you're just a teeny bit psychic?

Well, I woke up on the morning of 17th December (yea, SAM bitches, you know what's coming!) at around 9 and a thought just popped into my mind.

Well, not so much a thought as seemingly random figures...oh OK fine. The results of my SAM finals, ok?

Anyway, I said to myself. 2A 2B 1C.

Then I stoned for a while under the covers, nervously pondering what TER I was going to get.

My sister got 93.3 (FREAK OF NATURE!) and I figured that following the trend, I'm going to score a fair bit lower than her (being the lazy bitch that I am) and the number 87.7 (yes, even the point-seven) just popped into my mind.

Sure enough, when I logged into the SSABSA webbie, my TER was 87.7.

FUCK!

Right after that, I figured that if I thought of the number 99.95 hard enough then my results would have been top of the year!

Right. -_-

So anyway, I was really hoping against hope to score at least a 90.

What the hey, marketing people say the the first digit of a number can make it look much bigger or smaller in value, even though there isn't really much difference between 90 and 89.99.

Sigh.

I know it's pretty good for my class' standard (what a bunch of lazy asses we were) so I'm not going to moan too much about it and rub it in the faces of the people who got 60 or something like that.

Then Den goes and says that with that kinda result, I could pretty much apply to do engineering in Melbourne U.

Melbourne U!

Engineering!

OH THE GLAMOUR!

Btw, Den the freakofnature got 2nd class upper honours in her Bachelor of Engineering.

Yes! She has finally graduated!

And yes, we are all very proud of her.

So for a millisecond, I considered doing an about face and taking up engineering and then I get to put that oh-so-fancy 4 letters behind my name:

Yeong Shan Wen, Stephanie; Bachelor of Engineering (Melb.)

HOLY M. E. L. B.!

The graduation booklet I was reading during the convocation before I dozed off even made a point to emphasize the importance of those 4 letters and what value it would add to your resume.

Which justifies the 20% extra you pay to study in Melbourne U, one of THE top 200 unis in the world.

But holy hell, engineering?

Hell yes, I could probably do that but I'd DIEEE DIEE DIEEEEE of boredom. I KNOW I have a knack for both maths and physics but NONONOWAYYYYSPAREMEEEE!

So yeah. I'm stuck with arts in RMIT.

(Which is nowhere near the top 200, as far as I can tell.)

Well, I'm gonna show you that I can earn as much money designing the next Counter-Strike as Den can earn designing an replacement brain for the mentally-challenged or something.

I know for a fact that there are as many gamers as there are stupid people in the world.

In fact, I think stupid people make up 90% of the gaming population, if Garena is any measure.

But wait, I don't think gamers make up 90% of the stupid population so I may have gotten my theory a bit screwed up there.

So much for having an aptitude for numbers. :/

Oh well.

Anyway, I have a few more weeks to get that freaking Left 4 Dead.

God knows Jaykay already deserted me to play L4D

Which means one less CS kaki. *&@#^*@%#@!

Cheeeepet! I have to get the freaking game and play it already.

Mona already asked me to come down to Wangsa Maju (one of the ccs, hell knows which one. Is it tbun??) so we could play but YOU ALL KNOW I CAN'T DRIVE!

Jaykay said he'd fetch me and we'd go together but the lucky bastard managed to get hold of the CD and he's playing it at home. And I have my own words thrown back in my face:

Why play at the cc when you can play for FREE at home?

ARGHGHGHRGHGR!

He said to pass him my external and he'll give me the game but as I said earlier,

I CAN'T DRIVE!

OMG! I have only a few weeks to get the damn license.

-____-

And I don't want to.

I wanna be chauffeured around for the rest of my life. *small voice*

I also wanna go to Popi!

LING! SUI! VIVI! MONA! My bitches, when are we going?!

Sei Jaykay went without me on new year's eve - on which I stayed home like the lifeless person I am and DotA-ed with Henry and texted with Mona until the countdown ended. And it doesn't feel better when KC AND Nick called me to wish me a happy new year with tons of people screaming in the background, as well as ask, in a VERY loud voice (to be heard over all that ecstatic screaming, you see):

SO WHATCHA DOING? ARE YA HAVING FUN?

I was gonna say something really bitchy, but Nick goes:

HOLD ON A SEC STEPHIE!

*laughter and music in the background*

SORRY SOMEONE WAS...WAIT A MOMENT, SORRY!

*my heart smashes into thousands of tiny fragments, wishing for all I was worth that I hadn't rejected Jaykay's offer and gone clubbing whether or not I risked dying of his drunk driving after or not*

NEVERMIND!

I am PROUD to say I have chosen LIFE over CLUBBING!

But a giant hole was punctured in my cloud of righteousness and sensibility when Jaykay DID come home in one piece a few hours later, seemingly intact (though high) and crowing about how girls have been grabbing him in the balls. (No, I didn't really want to know that, and neither did the people in the CS room, I'm pretty sure.)

Though I can't blame him for his semi-drunken ranting as I was much, much worse off when I went clubbing for the first (and only) time. Mona said it was a night he would never forget. What the fuck. -_-

Crazy bitch has been doing the crazy thing and staying up with me to chat and play CS until people start getting up and going to work. In fact, for 3 days in a row I was up late (early?) enough to bid Oliver the early-riser good morning as he woke up and I went to bed.

But don't think it hasn't taken a toll on us. -_-

He pretty much died at 6am as I said and I'm only still awake because I slept until an epic FIVE PM yesterday.

=/

Mona was supposed to wake me up at 3 at my request, but only after 2 texts and 2 calls at half hourly intervals I finally rolled out of bed...and went straight back to the computer.

Dewwww. Lifeless kia!

Sigh.

OH! Have I told you yet - that I've just been dumped?

HAHAHA!

My pet Jern has finally given up on me after more than 6 months and has moved on to his next prey - another girl named...yes, you guessed it - STEPHANIE!

HOLY STEPHANIE HUNTER!

He told Nick to tell me that he condemns ever loving me again (T_T'') and that he has someone else to love now.

I swear, when Nick told me on Skype I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes and had a tummy cramp after.

"So...should I tell him you're relieved or what?"

"NO! NICK! I'm HEARTBROKEN!"

*bursts into fresh fit of laughter*

"Hahhaha, as you wish, princess."

Yes. I swear he calls me princess. -____-

Nick, my prince!

*gag*

Anyway, Jern has the cheek to tell me that I've changed.

CHANGED!

That I've gotten...ohmygod I can't say it it's making me laugh...WILDER!

HA. HA? HA!

As if what he thinks matters to me since I never cared all that much for him in the first place.

Yes, his deep voice for his age certainly caught my attention, but only fleetingly.

For him however, he wandered pretty damn close to the border of obsession.

He spent the last couple of days stalking me from room to room in Garena.

He uses MY nickname while playing CS.

He talks to my darling Oliver and sends me messages through him.

He calls Nick to beg me to talk to him.

He bought me one-month gold member.

HA! How irrelevant but I guess that's the only I really loved from the whole list of the ways he attempts to pledge his love for me.

Oh, and if you think it isn't funny enough that he had to find ANOTHER Stephanie to replace me, get this:

His ex-(and first) girlfriend was named...

STEPHANIE!

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*wipes tears from eyes*

Through Nick, I managed to wheedle an explanation for this freakish name-fetish of his.

It was pretty much as I expected: he promised Steph #1 that he would only love Steph forever.

HA! HAHAH! OMG!

I have to label myself now! Steph#2!

I'm having an identity crisis here.

These times are when I briefly wish that I could be like Viv and get guys that she actually finds cute and are good at DotA. (Not that this is a very important trait for my future boyfriend, but yes it does help keep me in a happy mood.)

Man. Why is my love life so bleak?

No wonder I don't have one if these are the kind of guys that actually go for me.

Ha. I remember the guy from Johor who insisted I pretend that I was his little sister and he had to protect me and all that shit. And who could forgot Mister you-should-wash-your-nails-in-lemon-juice-cause-it's-healthy-for-the-nailbed-and-makes-them-soft?

Well. I have Nick and KC, but they have pretty much gotten over their infatuation with me cause I'm too much of a guy's girl to be a girl kinda girl. Does that even make sense?

In short, that means I don't have impressive boobs and would rather sit with my legs up on the table playing CS with my friends than dress up all flirtily and go dating/clubbing.

But whatever, I've finally washed my hands clean of germs!

Har. Har. You don't get it, but I used to call Jern Germ. Yea, yea, lame joke but it's even less amusing when you see him call me hunniebunnie. (Oh god, why snowbunnie? WHY? I need a new screenname.)

Anyhow, I wanna get Steam CS.

Anyone out there who volunteers to buy it for me?

My birthday is in 6 months if you aren't willing to pledge your love and life to me and be my slave who does my bidding.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach!

Today we went to Bribie Island.

Had a barbecue picnic - checkered beach mats, straw hats, radio and the works!
We also went kayaking, which I suck at cause we went round in circles. Harhar.

At one point, Den, Candy, Lydia, Rainer and I had to row out to a little sand island about 200 meters from the shore. Rainer was swimming along behind, so there wre FOUR of us on that little plastic boat.

AHAHA.
What a miracle it didn't capsize. Or maybe not. I'm not exactly the queen of Physics and buoyancy and whatnot.

But in any case, the kayak was too heavy to row, so I volunteered to jump out and swim along.
Besides, the weather was hot and the water was cool and inviting.

So jump out I did.-
At first it was fun to paddle along behind the kayak, with one hand holding on to the strap.
I wish I could've just floated alongside the boat without doing anything else, but unfortunately I had to kick as well or I'd have been dead weight for the poor kayak.

My thighs ache now. -_-

Anyway, I had forgotten that I'd let my sis and cousin have the 2 lifejackets - only remembering when I accidentally released the strap to shift my grip. 100 meters out to sea. WTF!

§/$&("%"(§"!

What seemed like a slow and leisurely pace at which the kayak was travelling now seemed like a motorboat to me. I paddled quickly for a couple of seconds before deciding there was no way to catch up. So I shouted for help instead.

AHAHAH!

I was so inclined to panic.
100 meters from the shore and roughly another 100 to the sand island.
I couldn't paddle that far in a swimming pool, let alone the sea. And besides, I was already tired from all that kicking.
Not to mention that the absence of the lifejacket being extremely obvious all of a sudden.

But no la! I cannot panic -_-

I mean, that boat was only a few meters away and Rainer was somewhere in the water around me anyway so there was a very very very small chance of drowning. AND I CAN SWIM ONE LA DAMMIT!

But when you suddenly lose hold on what kept you so secure and relaxed - shock set in x_x

Anyway, I floated on my back for a while until they realised I was missing and turned around to pick me up. -_- And so I loved for another day. Yay.

Oh YEA! We saw SOLDIER CRABS!
*beams*

Hundreds, maybe thousands of them, tiny crabs the size of a 20 sen coin scuttling along the sand like a swarm of red ants. You can actually hear them marching along. O_o

Anyway, they can dig REALLY fast!
I was chasing a whole group of them when I got distracted and looked somewhere else for only two seconds - I swear! - and they were all gone! With only countless little burrows as evidence of their presence.

Wah.

Lydia and Andrew were fishing with a net and they caught a lot of tiny little fish and a few big ones. A poisonous one at one point, so it was released.

Andrew carried one all the way back just to show his mom and we all thought it was dead.
But it kinda gave a weak flop of its tail so he went to put it back into the water.

I tagged along with the camera, videoing the released of the survivor.
However, after 1 minute and 40 seconds into the video and witnessing nothing but a fish floating listlessly in the water...

Sadly, I shut off the cam and turned around to fetch my slippers to rinse in the sea water (there was mud and seaweed EVERYWHERE it was disgusting!) and when I turned back to look in the sea, the fish was GONE!

WTF!

SO PANDAI PLAY DEAD MEH?

CHEEPET!

I guess the fish lived to see another day too. x_x

Either that, or a seagull ate it.
No one will ever know.