Dust

After returning home from a long day at work, I gladly leaped into my bed for a well-deserved nap, although sunlight was still streaming in through my window.

Suddenly, I froze. My violent landing on my bed had kicked up a swirling vortex of dust, caught by the sunlight that pierced through my blinds.

I was in awe, for the dust wasn't grey.

It was sparkling. SPARKLING. In all colours of the rainbow! And here I thought all these while that dust only existed in shades of grey. But now...now I could have jumped in a pile of glitter and it would appear no different.

But seriously? Rainbow-ific dust? Anyway, I was so fascinated that I didn't sleep until much later. For ages, I just lay down, facing the sunlight at an acute angle, thumping Mr. Bump (my pillow-y toy) again and again, endlessly amazed by the whirling frenzy.

I wish someone would photograph it. I wonder how they'll be able to do it. Maybe someone has already done it. I don't know. How can one focus a lens on something so tiny and eternally in motion is beyond me. This goes to show nothing beats our own lens. We are still superior to commercial cameras!

Anyway, it just struck me that dust is 80% shed human skin. And who has glittering skin?

FFFFFUUUUUUUUU-

(But seriously though. The shiny dust really wowed me.)

I'm talentless.

I'm heartless.

I'm ugly.

*

What do I contribute to this world?

Nothing much.

Just some snarky comments and an attitude problem.


*

I'm not looking for pity, not looking for help.

I'm looking for a friend, but are they looking for me?


*

The world is fucked up, so am I.

I can't fix the world; can I fix myself?

I tried, I failed; I'll try again.

Pick myself up, keep on going, stumble repeatedly.

What's life without challenges?

What's life without flaws?


*

I'm only human.

You don't have to like me; I won't be sad.

I'm sad because I don't like myself.

I could be a better person, but I'm not.

Does that make me a waste of space and oxygen?

No, no.


*

There are people around, but I am alone.

You hold my hand, but I won't drag you down;

in the fall that will surely come.

Because I love you.

I'm a whore, but so are you.

I admit it, but do you?

*

Good night.

I hope you have a pleasant day.

:)

You monster.

Babies

Just a random thought. I remember browsing through the internet and stumbling upon numerous webpages where you can mix faces together to create a new face.

In effect, you can mix your face with another guy/girl's to see how your baby would look like.

They used some 'averaging' technology or what shit to merge the two faces together and produce your 'offspring.' Apparently research also says that the more different the two parent faces are, the more beautiful the child will be. Nothing to do with how good the parents look at all. o_O

Well I don't really understand it but it got me thinking to how MY kids would look like.

HA!

If we 'averaged' down me and my boy's features we would get a child that has:

-Big eyes

-Sharp nose

-Medium-sized upturned lips which may or may not be full (mine are super thin and tiny while his are full and wide)

-A heart-shaped face

-Crooked teeth (damn bad genes on both sides T__T hello braces)

-Relatively straight eyebrows

-Thick, black hair with 2.5 whorls on his/her scalp

-Height of ~5 foot 7.5 inches

-Weight of ~48kg

-Big hands

-Average sized feet

-Broad shoulders

-Small boobs (oh dear lord, kesian if it's a girl)

-Flat tummy

-Medium-long legs

and not to mention..

-SERIOUS gaming tendencies

Haha! Of course I'm not thinking about having kids yet. Don't be silly. But it is always fun to think about how your future child would be. I think I want a girl.

We're gonna train her to be this kick-ass gamer that'll win so much money off tournaments that she doesn't ever have to have a 'real' 9-5 job.

Of course, she's gotta be smart and independant with a kind heart too. :D

Also, I'm gonna groom her to be this super hot supermodel with everyone drooling after her, but with enough integrity to not abuse the power of her beauty.

AND she's gonna be so smart that she's gonna ace it throughout her whole school life (not getting a real job does not mean not getting a real education) without studying.

And she'll be nice and filial to her parents and loyal to her friends (none of which are bad influences, she's smarter than to fall in with a bad crowd.)

Okay. I'm sorry I'm making my unconceived child feel so pressured to be perfect. I bet we won't be perfect parents too. :)

But we can always dream la. And who knows? 30 years later, I may be dealing with an uncontrollable, rebellious, bimbotic and stupid child and I'll be tearing my hair out everyday.

Then I'll look back on this post and snort at myself. PAH! Wishful thinking!

I fear I'm never going to be as good a parent as my parents were. I may not have been the perfect child that they wanted, but I guess I'm doing pretty alright so far. (I think?)

After all, I'm doing well in my studies, I've outgrown the talking back phase that I was stuck in during my preteens, I can hardly bring myself to lie to people I care about, I don't spend money like water (although I DO like to shop, I have only overused my allowance ONCE, and I cut that out from next month's budget anyway)

I don't do drugs, I don't club often, I don't smoke, I'm not a drunkard, I don't gamble.

I don't torture kids or animals. I don't vandalize. I don't hit people.

My main vices are gaming for long hours and not eating/sleeping at the proper times. Other crappy things about me would probably be:

1. Temper (If you've been on the receiving end, you'll know. And if you don't, it's better that way)

2. Swearing (but much much much less now compared to last time :D)

3. Slacking (I coulda been first female Msian prime minister already if only I really TRIED)

4. Procrastinating (19-year-old without a driving license HAHA)

5. Tendency of being 10 minutes late wherever I go (I can wake up 30 minutes early for class and still be 10 minutes late, although it's only a 10-minute walk away from home -.-)

6. Clouded judgement (when I'm angry or upset, I simply CANNOT see things from other people's perspective until I've calmed down somewhat)

7. Irresponsible (when it comes to certain things. But still okay I guess D:)

8. Inept at socializing. There have been many occasions where I've passed up a chance to be around others and meet new people but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't like strangers :(

9. Too critical of others. Honestly, there are VERY few people that I really, truly, completely like. Somehow I find myself picking out people's flaws and I get bothered by them.

Some pet peeves:

- People who are CONSISTENTLY more than 30 minutes and DON'T apologize when they show up

- People who ffk (no-show) and don't bother giving an explanation

- People who are careless about money. Tau you very rich la, but you don't have to throw around money unnecessarily in front of us.

- People who buy branded stuff just cause it's branded (even though it's ugly and has shitty quality)

- People who buy expensive things without doing research/price comparisons

- People who ask you questions ALL THE TIME because they are too lazy to look up the answers themselves

- People who smoke and try to justify their habit with 'stress.' You're the only person who is stressed is it? Nvm la, I'm sure killing yourself faster will alleviate your stress.

- People who come to you to whine and complain and rant but who are never there/inattentive when YOU need to unload

I know I should be the last person to nitpick since I'm no perfect soul myself, but I guess this is just one of my many flaws. Hell, maybe I'm someone's number 1 pet peeve right now!

:/

Maybe that's why I don't make friends easily, much less bother to keep in touch with them. That alone may make me seem like a horrible, cranky, fussy and snobbish person, but hey, you're entitled to dislike me as much as I dislike you.

But one type of friend I will always love and appreciate - those that treat me well because they care for me and not because it is 'appropriate' or socially acceptable to do so. I will always try to be as good a friend to you as you are to me :) I may fail, but I try.

Man, I sound like an asshole.

How did talking about babies come to this? I guess I'm unfit to be a parent as of yet :P

Bots

Me and muh boo just did 65 rounds of awp_india against bots.

We won 2. Yay!

I just realised how important it is to adapt and learn. I was doing the same retarded thing over and over and wondering why I couldn't kill at all, while my boy with 400 ping was pawning away.

He told me to do one simple thing, and magically I started actually KILLING the damn bots! And we won!

To be fair, it was 2 against 5 insanely h4xxing bots.

But I'm glad I learned something tonight :)

I guess it applies to all fields in life too. If something works and you keep doing the same thing, good for you. But maybe there's something that works even better and you never know cause you never bothered to try.

It could be a far more simple and effective solution than the one you're currently employing that 'works'

Take cleaning my keyboard for example. Crumbs and dust used to get in between the keys and stuck onto the surface and I'd spend ages trying to pick/blow them out of the crevices and then taking a moist cloth to wipe off the dust.

Sometimes it'd take ages cause I'm just chasing the dust around in circles -.- Wtf.

Then one day, *lightbulb,* I turned the the keyboard upside down and gave a good smack. Crumbs rained out. Wow. Gravity WORKS!

I cleaned up the rest of the mess by removing the vacuum head and hoovering through with a hand over the keys to keep them from popping out.

Time taken with wetcloth/fingernail method: 5 minutes

Time taken with bang/hoover method: less than a minute

YAY for innovation! There's probably a better way to do it that I have yet to find out. Perhaps it involves a can of compressed air, but I've not tried it so I don't know.

But yea, even if you think the way you're doing things now works, think again. Do it better. Do it faster. Harder better faster stronger!

That made no sense but whatever. It's 5.15 am and I'm gonna sleep now :) Cheers for a three day weekend.

Fate - and blood

Today, I was supposed to meet my friend around 4.30 for gelato at Freddo's before heading to uni to do some work together.

At 3.30, Tata messaged me saying that she couldn't come - she was still in bed. I couldn't get mad, because I was still in bed rolling around too. (Wtf slobs!)

And I guess it was meant to be - even if she had woken up on time I would have messaged her cause I had some serious period discomfort and wanted nothing more than to lie down in be and mope over my internal bleeding.

At 4.50 pm, less than a street-length away from Freddo's, two men were gunned down in broad daylight in a poker place.

Who knows what would have happened if Tata and I had witnessed it. What if the gunman had taken a detour to buy icecream before committing his dirty deed? (Hey, it could happen. Murderers aren't all sane anyway.) What is some unforeseen circumstances happened and stray bullets started flying around?

It's good we were both home, alive and well.

Fuh, I make it sound like we both narrowly escaped death. Maybe, maybe not. It was a planned crime after all. From the reports I've read, the man entered the establishment, shot his two targets and left.

He was arrested later though, so we don't have to worry as much about him returning and possibly getting caught in another round of crossfire.

Sigh. Suddenly Melbourne doesn't seem so safe anymore. But I'd still choose to live here over KL any day.

On another note, I have been in bad bad bad bad misbehaving girl mode today. And by misbehaving I mean relapsing into my angsty early teenage behaviour by RAGING mercilessly in game.

I'm not proud of it. It just happened. It's not pent-up anger or whatever - I'm a pretty relaxed person lately.

PMS is to blame. I am 100fuckinpercent absolutely sure! I haven't had a regular period since...ever. So sometimes it's hard to predict when I'm going through PMS and when I'm just being plain bitchy. (There's a difference! One is inexcusable and...the other is. Girl's privilege, yes.)

This time, it caught me by surprise again. I had a breakout of pimples a couple of weeks ago (three total, what a vast improvement from my early teenage years - pimple plantation wtf.)

And for some moronic reason I blamed my recent chocolate binge and lack of sleep instead of suspecting PMS. (Actually, the sleep deprivation + choc overdose theory would have been plausible, except for the fact that I eat chocolate by the piles ALL THE TIME and rarely ever sleep enough.)

Well, I did not suspect it AT ALL. Sneaky little bastard.

So anyway, I got my period today and a lightbulb went off in my head. OHHH THAT'S WHY SUDDENLY GOT PIMPLES THAT DAY LA! CHIUUUUU.

With that happy revelation, I started stuffing my face with candy, cookies and chocolate again.

Wahaha. Sangat gembira. ^__^

Anyway, apparently some guys think PMS = period = PMS. Well, it is not.

Let me explain a little bit. PMS stands for pre-menstrual syndrome. By understand that, it is impossible to think that PMS and period are one and the same (because of the 'pre.' It can't be before and during at the same time, right?)

The period is where the girl bleeds from her vagina. No, don't complain that I'm being too graphic, you're all big boys and girls now right? It normally lasts from roughly 5-7 days, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter depending on the individual.

This is usually accompanied by mild to severe discomfort, acute pain in the abdomen, sore unmentionables, nausea, headaches and lethargy. (This is for me la, not so sure about other girls but I'm guessing it is somewhere along those lines.)

PMS is a period of roughly 2 weeks leading up to the actual period. There is no bleeding at this stage, but hormonal changes are taking place. This hormone imbalances tend to cause pimply breakouts, bad tempers, mood swings, mild depression, bigger boobs (yay,) bloating, abdominal pain/aches, food cravings and some other minor symptoms.

A PMSing girl is dangerous/scary for a number of reasons:

1. She will always win in an argument.

2. Even if you win, she's gonna scratch your eyes out anyway, so she wins.

I'm sorry boys, but that's the way life is.

I guess some girls mellow over time and are able to recognize when PMS starts to creep up upon them and deal with their mood accordingly.

Sometimes they just sneak up on us poor unsuspecting girls and we unleash our terrifying feminine rage on those poor unsuspecting boys.

Some guys say, aiyo, excuses lar. You're just a bitch, anyhow also will scold people one lar!

Firstly, how can you assume that we're using PMS as a reason to scold and act irrationally when you don't go through it yourselves?

When you tfk to porn or get a stiffy while looking at hot girls you just return our incredulous stares with 'What? We're guys what, we're meant to breed. Not our fault.'

Secondly, it is a medically-recognized condition. It's hormones okay. Don't play play. It's the same thing that makes you wanna fuck every girl you see when you get horny. Hormones. Kuatnya.

Lastly, if PMS is just an 'excuse' to scold/scream at you, and I actually feel like ripping your head off every day of the month, I wouldn't bother waiting for that one special week a month to diu you la.

I'd just fucking scold you every day and night until you don't want to talk to me anymore, since you're such a retarded and [insert any amount of derogatory adjectives here] person.

But you still do, so that means I'm a pretty nice person to talk to when I'm not PMSing right? :3

So I apologize la dears. I'm sorry for raging at everyone lately. I'm only a girl. And if you're a guy, be happy you don't have to deal with this okay? Don't complain that girls always get special/more lenient treatment than guys unless you are ready to bleed from the penis every month and push a watermelon out of your anus a few times in your life.

: )

With that, I'm off to sleep. Good night <3

Neuroses

1. I have a system for putting my food in order. For example, if dinner is veggies, potatoes, and chicken, I will eat ALL of the veggies, then the potatoes. Not until that’s done can I eat the chicken. If it’s soup or stew the process is the same. Cereal is complicated. If it’s something muti-colored I have to eat the pieces in order of color, worst to best. I will not eat a wrong-colored piece until I finish the color I’m working on. Lucky Charms are easier. I just have to make sure all the cereal bits are done before I eat the marshmallows. If i don’t eat things this way, I will feel like I’ve cheated. And it will bother me for the rest of the meal.

2. If I am reading a book before I go to bed, I have to complete the chapter I am on before turning out the lights. Once I finish the chapter, I have to stick the bookmark in the book without looking. If I see the first words of the next chapter, I have to read that one too before turning out the lights.

3. Every time I eat a gummy candy, I try to keep it in my mouth with out chewing it. If I do bite it, I lose.

4. Every time I go by a wall or something, and I touch it, I have to touch it for the amount of times that I am old. For example, if I poke a wall, and I’m currently 20 years old, I have to poke it 20 times. And if by some coincidence I miss one, I have to star over until I have touched it 20 times in a row.

5. When walking up a flight of stairs, I have to begin with my right foot and end at the top with my left foot. As I approach the top of the stairs, and can see that I will end with my right foot, I will skip a step to ensure it is my left foot finishing.

6. Eating in order – Every time I eat a snack out of a bowl–say mini pretzels–I have to eat them in order from least tasty to tastiest. In the case of pretzels, this would mean I have to eat them in order from least salty to most salty. Touching a pretzel also immediately decreases its tastiness value, and the last two must be eaten one after the other.

7. Whenever I sing a song and someone tries to talk to me, I have to finish the part that I’m singing before I talk to them because otherwise it will bother me. Just the fact that I’m doing something and someone interrupt me irks me.

8. When buying a book, I have to ensure that there cover is perfect – no crinkles, wrinkles scratches and such. Also must leaf through the book to make sure the pages are intact. Then, I put that book down and do the same with several other books because I cannot purchase the first one I picked up. Or the second.

9. When I walk over a bridge I have to hold on really tight to my belongings because I fear I might throw them off.

...apparently I'm not the only one with neuroses.

What kind of neurotic behaviour do YOU have?

Hey Soul Sister!

I'm currently downloading songs and something happened just now that made me LOL.

I was previewing Train's "Hey Soul Sister" and when I heard the ukulele I started swaying from side the side with the beat of the song.

I opened my msn and saw Amanda - my webcam was on - mimicking my movements!

[stephanie] says:

*oi

*lol

manda . アメンダ says:

*HEHEHEEH

[stephanie] says:

*i listening

*hey soul sister!

manda . アメンダ says:

*OMG!!!

*ME TOO!!!!

*HAHAHAHAHA

[stephanie] says::

*HAHAHAH

*YEA!

*LOL

manda . アメンダ says:

*NO WONDER!!

*LOL

[stephanie] says:

*HAHA

*i thought you making fun of me

*LOL

manda . アメンダ says:

*NOOOOO

*i thougth YOU making fun of me

*HAHAHAHA

[stephanie] says:

*LOL

Wtf conincidence sial! D:

x = previous day

Day #x + 1:

HAHA YAY Manda and the bf said that this singlet made my boobs look bigger. HAHA. OKEY I NOW CAN HAZ SINGLETS. Screw bony shoulders la! Ppl busy looking at cleavage AHAHA.

I don't think wanting to be a MILF makes you slutty. MILF = mother I'd like to fuck = hot mama that's still sexy. That means that guys wanna fuck her, not that she wants to run around and screw young men. COUGAR!

So yea, the singlet says MILF = untrue since I'm no mama. Ahem. But whatever. I'm wearing it to sleeps anyway ~__~ 5 dollars but SO COMFY. LOVE LOVE.

Of terrorists and blue hearts

I had a weird dream last night.

It involved Chinese air stewards/stewardesses, vents in airplane ceilings, laptops that ejected from slots on the sides of the fold out table, spies, swimming and lots of running.

@__@

Epic midair hostage situation!

My memory is a bit fuzzy - the way it gets when you let a dream rot in your head over a few hours.

I remember flying to god knows where with my mom and sis, and I remember running to sit alone near the front of the plane. Suddenly, the Chinese air stewardess (in cheongsam uniform and all) walks up the aisle to the front and said:

"I'm sorry to tell you what you all would dread to hear, but we are hijacking this plane. :)"

And I remember that they were all the stewards were armed and scary but really nice and polite at the same time. (Huh?)

Then they asked which of us could swim, and told the people who can't to follow them. They led them to some other destination which I don't know about. (Dreams don't always make sense and plot holes exist 99% of the time.)

They continued asking the passengers about things they could do and those who said no were led away again. Pretty soon, there weren't that many of us left and they told us that they were going to teach us something important.

I pressed the side of my fold-out table and a slim laptop slid out - much like ejecting a CD. I opened it and put it on my table.

Then we proceeded to have something like a programming class. (WTF) I remember the guy next to me feverishly trying to keep up with the hijackers instructions and all I did was open facebook to play. LOL.

I think my train of thought went something like. Fuck this shit we're all going to die and I'm never going to see my boyfriend again and how could I leave him without saying goodbye? I'ma go facebook thank you very much.

However, I still remember the feeling of being in fear for my life every moment. :( Like one of them was gonna put a shotgun to my chest and blow me into pieces. T__T

Later, I learned that all the people who were led away to another place were all executed. @__@

*cutscene*

Me and my family were home, safe on land. I don't know what happened in between, but I guess some country staged a heroic rescue scene and we all escaped.

Then I remember my mom being really determined to testify and give evidence about the terrorists on the plane and I was going OH HELL NO those Chinese are gonna hunt us down and kill us man! Let's just stay under witness protection alright?

Somehow the terrorist group learnt of our intention to testify in court and some people, supposedly from our government showed up and asked to see my mom. While they were having a meeting I was wandering around the house.

After a long time, it seemed everyone had disappeared. Then I overheard my mom say that they we would go quietly if they didn't hurt us and she would pretend to be showering while they came to get me.

And I RAN! CHAO AAA!

I always have a dream where I'm running from people/monsters/animals who are deadset on killing me, but never in my life had I had one with such a detailed (and semi-rational) plot line.

I don't know if you understood it though. HAHA. Maybe I'm a bad storyteller. Sorreee.

Anyway I met my 3 programmers today. One Korean, one Japanese and one Chinese.

I jested earlier that Manda can have the Korean and Viv called dibs on the Japanese. But upon review (after our first face-to-face meeting) I think Viv would like the Chinese and Manda would like the Japanese.

Kesian. Korean boy kena buang. SIGH.

But of course I'm kidding la. Sounds like I'm running some sort of uni matchmaking system sial.

HAHA.

Whatever, I don't really care about meeting guys to date liao. I have my monamon. *__*

HAHA yes yes I accept your memek inky blue heart. Wo ai ni :D

Gonna go do some reading for my next class d. Good night! :D

Average Day

Today I finally made it to my shopping appointment with Amanda. I would say it was a GOOD day cause every shopping day is a good day, but I had a little incident at lunch which pretty much ruined it for me.

I ate KFC popcorn chicken which I loveeeee and hadn't eaten in months cause the one in Malaysia seems to be all skin and tendons and no meat and is disgusting. Halfway through the meal I complained about gastric pains to Amanda, and promptly lost my appetite.

However, 5 minutes later it was evident that my tummy discomfort was not simply a case of gastric as I excused myself and rushed to the public toilet and had diarrhea.

Sorry. I don't know any nice and eloquent way to describe anything involving sloppy faeces.

Anyway, I felt really dizzy and faint on the way to the bathroom and there was 3-person-long queue so I had to wait. Although there were many stalls, the line was not quick enough and...I pooped in my pants.

KIDDING!

Nah, I just felt really faint and over my dead body would I lean on a filthy bathroom wall, so I resorted to squatting on the floor and rubbing my head, willing my vision to return to normal.

Yea yea, no biggie, you say. But squatting generally isn't an accepted practice in Melbourne, while you can see squatters (ha) everywhere in Malaysia.

So you could say I was garnering plenty of weird looks.

Sigh.

I didn't feel well even after that so I had to squat at the tram stop smack dab in the middle of the main road too. Fantastic!

Nah, a little dizziness and an upset tummy won't put me off shopping.

I felt rather sick and looked pale and felt horrible.

That is, until I met (yes, met - it was almost like a person and I fell in love) a pair of lovely purple sneakers. OMG.

Fake converse la. But who gives a shit when it's PURPLE?

Eagerly, I pulled a size 9 from the shelf and tried it on. Too small.

I grabbed a size 10.

AND IT DIDN'T FIT!

WTF I AM BIG FOOT!

(*@&(@^$*&@^$@(*$^&@(*

:'(

Nevermind. I bought 10$ hoodie from the guy's section in Factorie and it doesn't matter that it's huge cause it's SO warm and comfy. I love it very much. :) Maybe I can share it with Sam also. HAHA.

So my mood was pretty much improved with that one purchase. (My mood is directly proportional to the amount of purchases in a single trip.)

I was gonna blog about Vindaloos for Violence night or whatever it is. Violence against Vindaloos said Daryl HAHA.

But all it really was, was a night to support the Indian community in Melbourne while they face abominable hate crimes. :( Kena beaten up gaogao because they're a shade darker than those beach-crazy sunburnt Aussies.

ANYWAY. We're supposed to eat vindaloo (I can't even spell it) which is some kind of Indian dish tonight to show our support.

But I had tandoori chicken and mango lassi.

Which took a whopping 90 minutes to come. Hooray for small businesses and unexpected surges in customers.

I was going to dive facefirst into the food when it came, as they failed to provide us with eating utensils but I managed to restrain myself. Unlike my sis who grabbed and drumstick and devoured it with relish.

Ok, there was no point to the story but most blogs have no point anyway. At least my blog has more point that yours.

Blah blah blah. I'm sleepy so I don't make much sense.

So I'm signing off now. Buhbyez.

Day 3:

Stoned face frozen on webcam with my new hoodie on. Cute right the hoodie? Rainbow sial. :D Eh? But it's for guys...does that mean I'm wearing a gay hoodie? -_- Whatever la it's damn cute. Byebye.