Sex and Marriage

Was bored last night so I was reading Offbeat Bride to pass time. It's basically a website where people share their unconventional/personal wedding ceremonies and experiences. I got hooked on the site when I first saw the post on the gamer-lesbian wedding ceremony. OMG gorgeous dresses and a companion cube wedding cake? Rings offered on a Pink DSL? *geeks out*

Anyway, I'm straying off topic as usual. What I wanted to blog today is some quotes from the comments section of an article that was linked off Offbeat Bride.

As some of you know, I have spoken about premarital sex and 'waiting' before. I've been fairly passionate about this topic for a while now, and even debated it last year with my class and my English lecturer and more recently, my mother. I received mostly negative responses from all parties, but I understand that everyone's viewpoints and beliefs will differ from mine.

Basically, my points were:

1. Marriage should be about finally committing to the love of your life, not as a 'license' to have 'guilt-free sex.' 

2. Having premarital sex with someone you love and trust should not be a guilt-ridden and sinful experience. Sex is not a crime, it is a life experience that you share with someone special.

3. Even if you have had premarital sex and gotten pregnant unintentionally, you should not have to be pressured into marrying the guy who got you pregnant if you don't think he is the one for you. You've already made one big mistake (assuming that the baby wasn't intended and you are incapable of supporting one,) so why make another by tying yourself down to someone you don't love?

While debating with my classmates over premarital sex, I asked one boy what he would do if he knocked up his girlfriend. He responded with "marry her of course!" I then asked him why.

"Why? I got her pregnant, it is my duty to marry her!"

I then asked everyone if they feel this demeans the purpose of the marriage - to correct a 'sin' instead of being a gesture of love and commitment.

I was then met with incredulous looks.

Okay, fine. Call me crazy if that makes you feel better.

I had the same talk with my mother. We were talking about a girl that we knew that was pregnant at 17 and married the guy who knocked her up. They divorced not long after, so I asked my mom what's the point of marrying him if you feel it's not going to work out anyway?

"To protect the family from shame."

I then stated that people will know that she has premarital sex anyway when the baby pops out less than 9 months after the wedding, so why bother trying to cover it up?

She then changed the topic and almost accused me for trying to justify me having premarital sex. I responded that I have not done so, and do not intend to do so any time soon. But she kept repeating herself - 'shame, shame, shame.'

I said that since getting pregnant indicates that you have had premarital sex and brings shame upon the family, the real 'shame' you're talking about is premarital sex, not the fact that you got pregnant right?

So why do you pressure people to get married just because one of them gets pregnant? Just because everyone says it's the 'right' thing to do? Would you have your child grow up in a loveless/premature marriage (I'm just talking about those who marry when they aren't ready or don't feel right) than allow the mother to possibly fall in love with a better partner or have more time to prepare themselves for something as big as marriage?

Of course, these are only my opinions. I understand that everyone has their own view on the matter, but no one should be allowed to force their opinion on someone else. I'm not upset that there are people with more conventional thoughts, but I just want to find out what is behind those thoughts.

What drives them to believe what they believe in? Societal pressure? Religious upbringing? Family honour?

For me, it is ultimately your decision. Sex and marriage are very important and personal things, and no one should dictate how YOU should deal with them. Unfortunately, some people face too much opposition when they try to buck the norms and do what they truly believe in.

Despite all that, I believe that once you are ready and completely emotionally mature, you should be able to do what you want - whether to wait for sex after marriage or otherwise - without being persecuted by the rest of society.

:)

Anyway, these are some quotes that I really liked from A Practical Wedding, the blog mentioned above. I find that they manage to articulate and communicate their points more effectively and succinctly than I could. But then again, I'm still a teenager with a whole bunch of conflicting thoughts and raging hormones. So perhaps you'd rather read my thoughts summed up in a more mature and eloquent way. :)

"Waiting to have sex (or in our case, do anything at all) is hard, and it gets harder when people assume that because SOME of our reasons stem from religion, that means that a) we haven’t thought them out, b) we wait out of fear of going to hell, and c) we dislike/condemn all those people who make different lifestyle choices than ours. Just wanted to say, that while all three of these may be true of some people who are religious and wait because of it, it isn’t true for all ;)"

"There seems to be such an artificial divide between “wacky Bible thumpers” and “liberal, liberated women,” which dominates the discussion. And for so many of us who are living in the middle of this issue, it’s so much more nuanced than that."

"While it is obviously a poor idea to get married impetuously (particularly when very young) just so you can have sex, it is an equally poor idea to get yourself in the situation where you marry someone because you accidentally got pregnant."

"For me, the best part of discussing the topic to death has been seeing FH’s (future husband's) patience and commitment to my comfort, which I think is such a stark contrast to some of the messages that culture at large sends women about how all men are cavemen when it comes to sex."

"I just wish that virgin could be taken out of our vocabulary and that all this talk about “when” could be replaced with “who”. "

"...sex is just sex. Yes it’s important to relationships and should be sacred but by putting so much emphasis on my virginity and what not I was giving it undue importance."

"But regardless, as long as people are thoughtfully making their decisions to have sex the first night, wait til marriage, or anywhere in between, I think you have to respect that. It is when people have sex/don’t have sex without knowing why they are doing so or whether their reasons are good(i.e., a 15 eyar old saying “everyone else is doing it” is obviously not a good reason) that we run into problems."

Links:

Offbeat Bride

A Practical Wedding

Original post on waiting until marriage

And no, this does not mean I'm contemplating marriage or having sex any time soon. It's just an issue I like to read about and discuss :)

Gamer's Rage: A short (true and typical) story

A quick summary of an ah beng rant (click to enlarge):

This is my side of the story:

I was playing CS - de_dust with some of my friends. We all knew each other at least vaguely and the game was going fine - all light-hearted and funny.

Then, A new player came in, sapuing my whole team easily. As is our custom, we spectate strangers performing well for hacks


That is not to say we accuse everyone who can kill us of hacking. It is rare to find very good player in Garena and we spectate to root out hackers or welcome new, competent players into our small, pathetic CS community. (Yes, this has happened before and I LOVE these honest-to-good CLEAN players to death.)

Anyway, 3 of us spectated the new player and all of us agreed that it was highly probable that he was using a recoil hack. All of us saw his gun recoil go sideways ONLY and did not move on the y-axis at all. Unless all three of our screens were faulty (YEA RIGHT,) this is no way natural in CS game mechanics.

So, we kicked him and got his IP. After we kicked him, I discovered he was a player of a clan that we all knew. [I've had my  problems with this clan in the past and as of now, only the clan lord I are civil to each other.]

Anyway, he rejoined the game with a new name, now furious, demanding why we kicked him. I was spectating so I didn't know what they talked about during the game (if they even talked at all), but he was kicked again shortly after.

He rejoined AGAIN with a different name - his 'famous' screen name, which NO ONE but me recognized, and only because I'd played with him before. He was now cursing Clams for being a noob and challenging him to a 1v1, all the while saying 'he doesn't hack' and 'what is Clams' problem? Kick people for no reason? Why host if you wanna kick people?' ...and other rubbish questions.

I chatted with him in spectator more, saying that since he is so clearly unwanted here, why doesn't he just leave and save himself time and the embarrassment of being shunned?

He continued raging in spectator mode while everyone was playing and ignoring him. I watched him rant, half-amused, while I was finishing my ice cream.

Eventually, he either left or got kicked from the game by Clams. The game ended shortly after, the fun mood having being ruined.

This is when the conversation in the public channel took place.

And Clams, the host of the server, who kicked him was the loser's teammate, so his accusation about Clams being a sore loser is complete nonsense. If Clams was truly without sportsmanship, wouldn't he have kept a suspected hacker on his team so that he could continue owning? Illogical -__-

Okay.

Firstly, no one accused you to your face for hacking. So don't get all hot and bothered about it. You made an assumption that WE made an assumption about YOU, so we're even now, right?

Secondly, it is Clams' server and he can kick anyone he wants, whether you like it or not. Having his friends even suspect you of hacking is more than enough reason to kick you. Heck, I even kick spammers, whiners and rude people from my server cause I'M the host and I do whatever the fuck I want. You don't like it? LEAVE.

Thirdly, whoever you are and whatever clan you belong to does not mean shit to us. Your reputation can only carry you as far as your manners can. Who cares whether you are supposedly 'pro' or not when you're as rude as a neglected, spoiled 13-year-old brat?

Fourth, of course, I have been kicked from server for 'hacking' as well, and YES, I do fume initially. But I get the fuck over it (after some expected whining.)

I don't scream in the public channel about how retarded you are or try to pick a fight with you. '1v1 LA COME LA 1v1 LA NOOB YOU THINK YOU SO PRO?' [Clarification: He did this in game, not in the public channel.]

When you get kicked, you just find another server that will take you in and PLAY IN THAT SERVER. What is the point of rejoining the same server and troubling everyone by making them have to kick you again and again? Obviously, we have already decided we don't want you playing with us, and annoying and insulting us isn't going to change our mind one bit. 

Fifth, don't bother challenging people 1v1 if your beef with them was because they suspected/accused you of hacking. No blithering idiot would bother competing 1v1 with someone whom they suspect is hacking. Use your brain ffs.

Finally, even if you are NOT hacking (and we all think you are,) you are one fucking nasty player and we don't like you anyway.

Go suck it lahhhh, chao ah beng!


P.s. I wasn't in the convo in the public channel because I promised my bf to remain silent. Admittedly, I have a MUCH smaller tolerance for idiots. I really salute Clams who managed to keep his cool and not rise to provocation :s

I'm talentless.

I'm heartless.

I'm ugly.

*

What do I contribute to this world?

Nothing much.

Just some snarky comments and an attitude problem.


*

I'm not looking for pity, not looking for help.

I'm looking for a friend, but are they looking for me?


*

The world is fucked up, so am I.

I can't fix the world; can I fix myself?

I tried, I failed; I'll try again.

Pick myself up, keep on going, stumble repeatedly.

What's life without challenges?

What's life without flaws?


*

I'm only human.

You don't have to like me; I won't be sad.

I'm sad because I don't like myself.

I could be a better person, but I'm not.

Does that make me a waste of space and oxygen?

No, no.


*

There are people around, but I am alone.

You hold my hand, but I won't drag you down;

in the fall that will surely come.

Because I love you.

I'm a whore, but so are you.

I admit it, but do you?

*

Good night.

I hope you have a pleasant day.

:)

You monster.