Was reading Cosmo when I came across an article: "Your body naked - How you see it and how men see it." Or something like that la. It's some article to convince women to not be so critical about our bodies and that men really don't notice or care about your flaws all that much.
I flipped open to read it, eager to see what people thought about skinny bodies with small boobs.
And guess what? ALL of them were of overweight women with/without huge boobies. -__-
So basically they were implying that being overweight is the only confidence issue women have. How about us underweight folks?
I know you girls will wave your hand dismissively or snort in derision - "Shut up la. So skinny still wanna complain. Diam diam lah!"
I find it incredibly biased. I see the point you're trying to make and I agree completely - I'd rather be the size I am now, skin, bones and all, rather than be an obese person.
However, we underweight people also suffer from body image issues - whether it is as severe as those of the overweight people, I don't know. I have never been overweight (after 4 years old) so I cannot judge. For the same reason, I feel that you girls who think that you're too fat shouldn't judge us either and dismiss our worries as unimportant.
You say "just eat more la? What bullshit problem cannot gain weight. Just EAT only la!"
It's not as easy as you think. If I could eat more I certainly would. I'm not anorexic nor bulimic so I'm not modifying my diet in any way that makes me unable to gain weight.
I am just not hungry, ok? You say alright, one extra slice of cake won't do me on harm, right? Just eat it la. But the fact is, I'm already full to the point of nausea. I feel like bursting just by imagining that slice of cake going down my throat.
Overweight people probably have either one of these:
1. Lifestyle problem
2. Appetite problem
3. Gene problem
Well, guess what? Underweight people have the same problems too. So if you say it's SOOOO hard to lose weight, you should understand that we have just as hard a time gaining weight as you are trying to do the opposite.
Just eat la! How about you just stop eating la?
Is it all that hard to stop your hand from shovelling that extra cookie into your mouth? We have a similar problem, I have a cookie in my hand but instead of having the urge to stuff my face with it, I have the urge of dumping it back into it's container.
I feel full just looking at it.
You may complain about side cleavage or muffin tops, I complain about stick-like wrists and knobbly knees. Neither are attractive in our own eyes.
If you're self-conscious about whether guys find you attractive, these are the main things that come to mind when it comes to women's bodies:
1. Boobs
2. Ass
3. Legs
I am lucky enough to have the saving grace of having long legs, albeit with mismatched lengths and a slight boniness around the knee.
But I do miss out on having boobs and butt. Until now I still feel so much less feminine than my peers because I basically have a boy's silhouette.
Sometimes, when I go out with a group of friends of both sexes, I don't truly identify myself with either side. It feels like I'm sitting between the lines of the manly man and the womanly woman.
I'd love to be able to wear what I like. I don't want to wear singlets - I may have gained 5kg over the years (only) but my collarbones and still collect rainwater.
My shoulder blades protrude out the end. During bad periods of time, I can see my sternum between my boobs if I stretch backwards. My ribs are visible beneath my skin. My knees stick out. My wrists are smaller and flatter than a 6 year-olds. My butt is round but barely there. On bad days my cheekbones protrude - coupled with dark circles under my eyes I look like a druggie. Strapless dress fall off if they aren't elastic. Hip bones poke clearly through soft/thin material.
There's such a long list of insecurities I couldn't name them all now.
Sometimes I look at girls who complain that they are fat and I feel like remarking sorely that they have awesome boobs and a jeans-worthy ass. But I don't because that would be a social faux pas - you're just supposed to sympathize with them and say 'oh no you're not fat at all!' If I do either, I'm still labelled as the lansi skinny chick trying to patronize everyone with her epic skinniness.
Grr, the double standards sometimes.
Luckily my bf doesn't really mind what shape or size I am. (But how can he, since he's so bony as well? HAHA)
Most days I don't have an issue with my body, but you know some days you wake up having an 'ugly day' and the rest of the day you mope internally about how you aren't as gorgeous as you'd like to be.
I'm actually pretty happy with the way I look, but not completely satisfied.
I also read in the Cosmo article that taking the Pill causes instant weight gain of about 5 kg. Talk about taking the easy way out. And I don't even have to worry about pregnancy should an accident happen.
But I don't wanna take it. I have this (probably irrational) fear that I'll become infertile if I'm on the Pill for too long.
On the plus side, the Pill helps reduce period pain - mine are so severe that I'm reduced to semi-paralysis in a pool of tears occasionally. I also heard it clears up your complexion - but I'm not as worried about this as I once was. Pimples come pimples go; as long as they don't scar me it's okay.
I don't even know what's the point of this post. Maybe just a rant to make myself feel better on an Ugly Day. Maybe to express my annoyance over the double standards for underweight and overweight people.
Anyhow, I see some people who eat roughly the same amount as I do, but have no problems gaining weight. Mine can spike like 2kg and vanish when I wake up the next morning. I don't know if the scale is crazy or whether calories evaporate through my pores.
DAMMIT.
/hunts for snack
