A bastard deserves a bitch

This morning:

sorry about what happened last night
i think you better not call or text me again
see you in game
):

WALAO. THE CHEEK!

dk

Tell your brother I deserve a better explanantion than that.

I'm waiting.

I'm giving him 3 days, which is already too much, in my opinion.

Just to let him find time away from the Hag From Hell to contact me.

I can almost taste the conversation now.

Hello.

Hello?

It's me. You know, that girl.

What the fuck? I told you to not fucking call this number ever again! You have nothing to prove!

Sorry, I had an attack of the conscience...

What? Con-what?

I'm sorry, I know C's your boyfriend and all...

I SAID I'M NOT THE OTHER GIRL! I'm his FRIEND!

I just wanted to tell you not to let him go, whatever doubts you have concerning his fidelity.

I said, I'm NOT...fide-what?

He's fucking good in bed. *sigh*

[pause for gf's reaction]

Mmm. I was planning to go for some low blows after that, but maybe I'll just be a nice person and take it easy on the poor paranoid bitch.

Maybe just sit there and moan his name like a horny chick.

Maybe describe just exactly how fucking good he was.

Maybe go for those low blows after all.

Just to hear her explode.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Insane paranoid bitches DO exist

It all started with boredom.

Boredom is the root of EVERYTHING.

I went to hunt for CS games on Garena.

I typed in the usual command to list down local servers and came across a server with my friend's name on it.

So I went in and greeted him.

But the host was my friend's little brother, who told me that the guy I was looking for had gone out.

To kill time, I thought I'd get acquainted with his little brother.

I asked him for his name.

He started being all cheeky, telling me to call him 'Dragon Knight!'

I got annoyed pretty quickly, so I thought that I'd show him!

So I texted his brother:

What's your brother's name?

A few seconds later, a reply came:

Who is this

My brain didn't really register anything wrong yet, so I texted back slightly annoyed, thinking that he deleted my number or something.

-.- steph.

My phone started ringing.

Feeling irritable (I was playing CS), I picked up.

"Hello?"

"Who are you?"

"Er. Steph?"

"WHO?"

"Stephanie la. ABO?"

He exhaled and mumbled something, and immediately I knew something was wrong.
Hastily, I pulled a 180. Retreat!

"Sorry, I can't hear you. WHAT?"

I hung up.

Warning bells rang in my mind:

GIRLFRIEND!

Sure enough, I was proven right a few moments later - feminine instinct is rarely wrong.

My gf. Wrong number k?

I paused, mentally chiding myself for not having catching on earlier.

I texted back:

Er okay lol have fun :D

Oh lord, how would I know she was reading his messages?

My phone rang again.

I sent a busy tone.

And it rang again.

I whacked the little red phone icon and went back to my game.

It rang a third time.

I hung up and put the phone on silent.

Then I received a text:

Pick up and say wrong number. Don't reply.

At this point I was getting really annoyed. Why should I layan him?

But I sighed. He was my friend, however short a period that was - he'd never done me wrong before, so I'd put up with this little bit of weirdness.

However, the phone remained silent for 5 minutes. CS absorbed me once again - until my phone started vibrating crazily on the table.

It wasn't his number. I assumed it was the girlfriend.

I picked up.

"Hello?"

"Who are you?" she barked.

I felt affronted by her rudeness.

"Who are YOU?" I replied.

"I asked, who are you?"

I let a long, weary sigh. "Steph."

"Were you looking for C?"

[Name removed, just in case she Googles his name or some shit. Who knows?]

"Huh? No? I was looking for a Daniel? Wrong number la." I let my annoyance creep into my voice. (I told Clams that I stole his name and he was damn happy. XD)

She sounded like a pouty little kid.

"Oh."

A few moments passed in silence.

"Okay."

She hung up.

5 seconds later, my phone rang. It was C's number this time.

"Hello?" He said in a rough voice.

"Who are you?" I let out another sigh.

"Who are YOU? YOU called me. Who are you looking for?"

"I'm Steph LA. Who are YOU? Oh my god LAR I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER OK? I'm looking for a DAAAANNNIIEELLLL."

"YOU SIMPLY DIAL WRONG NUMBER DON'T TALK LA!"

I was seething. I swore that if he didn't call me by the next day to explain this charade I would get on the next plane to Sarawak and rip his testicles off.

"OKAY LA. I'M SORRY LA, I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. GEEZ. SORRY."

Then I slid my phone shut with a loud snap - the closest I could get to slamming down a phone's receiver.

Damned cellphones.

I thought that was the end of that and patted myself on the back for keeping my cool and going on with whatever the hell was happening between C and his insane girlfriend.

I was amusedly relating all this to Daniel, Mona and Ling when my phone rang again.

*number withheld*

I rolled my eyeballs.

Yea yea bitch, who doesn't know it's you and your paranoia calling me - the mistress?

I picked up and gave the most irritated-but-under-control voice I could muster.

"Hellllllllllo?"

"Hi. I'm the girl from just now."

No duh.

"I'm not...I'm not...the other girl, but I'm a friend and I just want to make sure you really don't know C."

"I. Said. I. Don't. Know. C."

"Where do you live?"

"What? Why should I tell you where I live? I TOLD you, I got the WRONG NUMBER."

I said it really slowly in case her 2 brain cells weren't capable of absorbing that shocking piece of information.

"WHERE do you live?"

"OHMYGOD I LIVE IN KL OK?"

Her voice started shaking, like she was going to burst into angry tears.

"I...want you...to tell me the number you wanted to dial, not C's number."

Shit.

I froze.

I didn't know C's number. God, I just keyed it into the phone book and forgot it instantly - modern innovations really rot your brain.

How was I going to lie my way out of this one? How could I give a number one digit different from C's if I didn't even KNOW his number?

I briefly contemplated looking up the number while pretending to drop my phone. I dismissed it immediately. How stupid.

"IT'S A WRONG NUMBER! I JUST DIALLED IT AND I DIALLED IT WRONGLY OK? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT THE HELL I DIALLED?"

There, I purposely 'misunderstood' her request.

She paused, seemingly unconvinced.

"Okay. I want you to call this number."

"What? WHY? WHY SHOULD I DO THAT? IT'S JUST A WRONG NUMBER, OK? CAN YOU STOP HARASSING ME?"

"It's not harassing...I'm just...it's...it's complicated...look. Just use your house phone and call the number ok?"

"Will you leave me alone after that?"

She starts reciting the number.

"Will. You. Not. Call. Me. Back. After. I. Have. Done. That?"

Again, with the patronizing slow enunciation of each word.

"Yes, yes, now call me."

"Fine. Let me get a pen."

"Okay."

I slammed my poor phone - victim of the circumstances - down on the table and fumbled around for a pen.

"Okay. 016..?"

She recited the rest of the number and I scribbled it down hastily, the nib of the pen digging into the paper thanks to my irritation.

"Okay, I'm going to call you now. Are you happy?"

"No, no, I...yes...you..."

I clicked the 'end' button without waiting for that pathetic whiny voice to continue ('Ugly bitch'! I cursed in my head) and stomped over to my house phone with the little slip of paper clutched tightly in my hand.

I was practically fuming when I punched in the numbers.
She picked up again.

"Hello?"

"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

"No, no I'm just...I'm not the other girl...I just wanted to make very sure that you don't know C at all."

"I SAID, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

"Just rest...rest a bit..."

JESUS! THE BITCH WAS ASKING ME TO RELAX!

(@#&^$%#&#@

"Okay."

"Sorry, I was just checking. It's a complicated situation you see, and I'm not the other half, I'm just a friend and I want to make sure that my friend's relationship is alright..."

I cut her off.

"It is a WRONG number. Look, I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry that I MESSED UP your relationship or WHATEVER, but it's a WRONG NUMBER ok? SORRY."

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that I'm doing this for C, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you done? Do you want me to do anything else for you? Can I go back to sleep now?"

(The last part was complete bullshit - but it WAS 2 am in the morning and I wanted her to feel at least the slightest bit shitty for bothering me. Not that she did. But oh well.)

"I want you to..."

Oh my fucking golashes. She was actually COMMANDING me further!

The cheek!

"...to say 'I don't know C at all.'"

"I don't know C at all." I repeatedly tonelessly, like a bored student.

"And I do NOT want you to ACCIDENTALLY call this number again, ok?"

I lost it.

"It's a WRONG NUMBER, OK? HOW DO I FUCKING REDIAL A WRONG NUMBER? Tell me. TELL ME."

Silence on the other end.

This time, I had the satisfaction of banging down the receiver smartly.

You would think that the lunatic would have had enough already, wouldn't you?

After all, I HAD called her from the house phone, proving that I was, indeed, residing in KL - far, far over the ocean and away from her precious boyfriend.

Well, I guess she wasn't happy that I had the last word.

15 minutes later...

Okay now i'm the gal just now. I text u now, no matter u know C or not, i want u to make sure that u dun ever dial the wrong number or whatever shit ok. Don't dial dat fucking number. His gf is having a hard time now. We don't care u dial wrong or not cos u seriously got nothing to prove. Ok? Pls don't (...)

Broken message.

Darn. Just as it was getting juicy.

Well, that just about cements my already pretty strong belief that she is completely insane and absolutely retarded.

What. Don't care if I dialled wrongly?

Seriously, the fucking bitch thinks I would deliberately dial a wrong number to amuse myself, thus wasting my money and effort AND not getting my message through to the INTENDED receipient.

We don't care u dial wrong or not cos u seriously got nothing to prove.

WHO was the fucking BITCH who insisted on harassing me until I did what she wanted and called her, giving away my HOUSE phone number just so she would shut the fuck up and stop calling my handphone already?

Nothing to prove?

THEN WHY DID SHE ASK ME TO DO THAT HUH?

NOTHING TO PROVE?

Mahai. Insolent fucker.

Fuck you. Leave me alone you insane bitch. If i dial a wrong number its NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS OK? I already layan you so damn much to relieve your FUCKING paranoia so leave me the hell alone. Do NOT contact me again.

There.

Precise and relatively short. Though it cost me 2 texts of 1, it was pretty worth it cause she finally shut the fuck up and left me alone.

In between the calls and texts, I was relating the breaking news to Mona and Daniel, both pestering me to give me a number so they could fuck her up nicely.

Verbally, duh.

I declined.

I would give Caleb a chance to apologize and explain first.

Just in case she's some depressed suicidal girl who goes and slashes her own throat with a broken shotglass or something (sounded like they were clubbing from the first phone call.)

Although the world could certainly do without a girl like that (drunk or not, her actions were unforgivable) I really don't want a suicide on my conscience.

Anyway, 30 minutes later, the drama wrapped up with one short text from C:

If anybody at all ask about me make dunno k? Act like its a wrong number. Sorry. Don't reply.

Okay.

That wasn't exactly the apology I intended to beat out of him, but I'm assuming that was the longest he could text without his raving mad girlfriend swooping down on him and demanding to read each and every one of his texts. (I bet she does, anyway. Maybe he sneaked to the bathroom or something.)

I'm still thinking the best of him and I expect a full explanation and apology from him tomorrow.

God knows he owes me one after all that (very-much-forced) humble apologies I had to spit out, besides lying my arse off for him.

If he gets mad at me for calling his girlfriend an insane bitch or decides to pretend not to know me after all, I've got my backup plan ready.

I'm going to make a phone call to that insecure, paranoid, overbearing, murderous, boyfriend-controlling hag - and telling her that I'm fucking her precious boyfriend.

And then I get my happy ending.

FREEEEEEEE

So, if I haven't told you already, here's the news:

I got my scholarship from RMIT!

WOOHOOHOO!

Not a full one, but more like a subsidy.

Six thousand Australian dollars.

*drools*

I normally type it as 6k aud but wow, it sounds so much cooler when you type it in full.


Do you even know how much that is?
It's about 15 thousand RM. HOHOHO!

I was so sick I literally felt like dying yesterday - a bit anaemic due to my period. Okay maybe not a bit. I collapsed in the bathroom and almost fainted twice more after that before I finally dragged myself to bed to die a peaceful death.

Well anyway I was busy pretending to be a corpse on the bed when mom came barging in around 7pm (I was fast asleep) slapping me with a piece of paper going STTEPHHHHHH! STEPHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Hrmmm whaaaaaaat?"
"You got it! You got it!"
"Whaaaa?"
"You got the scholarship! 6 thousand dollars!"

*sits up*

"Really? Cool."
"WOW WOW I'm so happy! See I TOLD you to apply! Right? Right?"
"Yeeeeah. So I guess that means my macbook is technically free now."
"With 1.2k to spare, yes."
"YEAA!"

Yeah, after much pondering, mom and I have decided to buy...*drumroll*

...the new 17-inch macbook pro!



Isn't that one gorgeous piece of shit? *beams*

Initially, I didn't really wanna tell anyone about it cause I was really spending a hell lot of mom's money on this laptop. Not too happy about that part, but mom insisted that we get the top of the range now so as not to encounter any problems later on. And she said since RMIT uses Apple all the way it only makes sense that I should get the same thing.

Also, we don't have to upgrade anything in the near future.

But now I don't mind since it's FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
AHAHAHA!

Must really thank uncle Ramesh for helping me edit my essay and writing such a glowing recommendation. Really. Glowing. I could blush reading it.

@@

Anyway, Mona, Jayden and I played Half-Life last night.
My first time!
LOL I couldn't stop laughing, the game is so funny. -_-

Basically it's a free-for-all game. Pick up weapons and kill enemies upon sight.

I got to use all the weapons yesterday. (Sorry I don't know their actual names so I made some of them up)

Crowbar
Glock
Sniper
Another gun
Shotgun
Crossbow
Bazooka launcher
Laser gun
Bouncy gun
Lightning gun
Heat seeking missile
Trip mines
Land mines
Manual detonating mines
BUGS!

LOL. I'm not kidding.
There's a weapon that consists of...bugs.
HAHAHAHA. Mona told me to release them and they attack randomly, so I threw a whole bunch at Jayden but they killed me instead.

NOO!

Imagine me running from my traitorous bugs, screaming all the way down the tunnel. -_-
Jayden tried to shoot them for me, but missed and killed me instead.
WTF! Now I wonder whether he really intended to save me or just get a free frag.


OH! My favourite weapon is the trip mine. It's really cool.
You plant them on a surface and after a couple of seconds a laser beam shoots out and ANYONE who crosses that line gets blown up.

Like in those spy movies!
Mona told me to bind impulse 101 to my mouse1 (that's the left click) for unlimited weapons and ammo so I gleefully planted trip mines non-stop.

One whole valley was crisscrossed with blue laser lights. *_*
I stood on the cliff to admire my own work lol. I put some underwater to catch Mona (they are slightly less visible due to the water being blue as well) and I forgot all about them.

The next time I died and spawned in the water I got blown up by my own mines, much to his glee.

WTF LA.

Once I was standing still and he planted one on my forehead.
@(*#^*@%$

So there I was, with a laser shooting out from between my eyes. The moment I moved I blew myself up.
AGRHGAHRGHA!

"Come here."

He obediently trotted over and I planted one on his head.

"HAHAHA I got you too!"
"Lol."

However, I forgot to duck and the laser got me in the face the moment it activated.
We BOTH blew up.

BLOODY HELL! I'm such a failure as a spy wei.
-_-''

Alar, I wanna play HL again tonight. It's so ridiculously fun!


Okay, gotta go shower. Going for collective tonight after a few months of absence.
Cause mom and my Sunshine asked.


Maybe gonna find Monamon at times square to drop his frogs off as well.
Yea, Freddo frogs he specially requested from Aussie. Lol.

YEAAAA I wanna try Papa Johns. Heard it's not bad.

Wu Liao Tip of the Day

If you're a wu liao person like me, you'll be constantly doing wu liao things - hence people calling you wu liao and before I stray even further off the point, here's my wu liao game for the day.

Requirements:

- Wu liao friends

- CS (sorry regular people who have a life)

- Internet connection

So, to ease your boredom, drag a couple of friends (willing or otherwise) to join you in your wu liao venture of...hide and seek!

Yes. Mona, Henry and I played hide and seek in CS for almost an hour.

-________________-

So anyway, it's really simple to host a game of hide and seek.

After you call your friends, host (or ask one of them to host) a map with lots of hiding places.

In this case, I chose de_westwood. I used to play the zombie mod in it with Bryan and trust me, it's awfully scary when you're in almost total darkness with a horde of zombies hunting you down.

So anyway, this map is perfect for our game of hide and seek, because for a de_ (detonation) map, it has tons of hiding places.

It has a main road flanked by double-storey old country houses, paths on the roof, back lanes, ladders, ropes, crates and little nooks and crannies everywhere make it perfect to play hide and seek.

As you set up the server, set your max players (as many as your connection will allow,) TURN OFF THE FOOTSTEPS and set a password if you don't want strangers to join.

The time limit should be set according to the number of players.

In my case, there were 2 hiders for 1 seeker, and I set it to 2 minutes (which turned out just nice.)

Then, set the following setting on your console:

mp_autoteambalance 0

so you can have as many hiders to a seeker as you want.

The rules are:

1. The person who seeks goes to the Terrorist team.

2. Those who hide go to Counter-terrorists.

3. Terrorists (seekers) can only carry a pistol.

4. Counter-terrorists (hiders) can only wield a knife.

5. The seeker shoots to kill upon sight.

6. Hiders are allowed to attack the seeker with his/her knife, or choose to flee.

7. FIND ALL HIDERS BEFORE THE TIME IS UP!

Sounds damn lame, but it's super duper fun LARRR!

Mona was the first seeker, and he almost started emoing cause he couldn't find us initially.

But after getting to know the map better...shitty shitty scary fella with his imba headshot-prone glock. T_T

There was once, I almost jumped out a window to land on him but managed to reverse direction and flee. This is where the absence of footsteps comes in handy. You have no idea how many times a seeker has run past a hider without noticing him. LOL.

And no, removing non-melee weapons from the hider isn't a death sentence.

As you know, a stab to the head can be fatal and that's exactly what I did to Mona as he rounded a blind corner.

He was too shocked to shoot so I leapt and nailed him right in the face, much to Henry's mirth.

And if the seeker spots his/her prey and decides to shoot from afar, the hider still has a chance to lose the seeker by running as fast as you can. LOL. Pistols aren't very accurate from a far range, so you should escape with about half hp left unless you're playing against pros. (Poor you.)

There was once Henry spotted me on the main road.

I dodged behind a conveniently placed wagon and we started running round and round the wagon bollywood coconut tree style. LOLLL.

I tried to lose him by abruptly changing direction and ducking into a doorway, but my grand plan failed miserably as I banged straight into the doorframe instead.

...

(Incurable klutz.)

I was then gunned down, Western style, with my blood splattered on the door and Mona laughing his ass off at us. CHEH!

And good god, who could forget the time I was crouching in a corner happily, thinking that I'd successfully lost the seeker when Mona fell onto my head from above. And he STAYED THERE without me noticing (no footsteps *#^*@&%#&%!#) until he got bored and decided to slash me in the scalp.

I remember him laughing gleefully, escaping with 4 hp (I tried to knife him back) until HE FELL OFF THE ROPE AND DIED.

AHAHHAA. Guess who had the last laugh?

...Henry. Duh.

But he had his fair share of depressing moments as Mona watched me hunt him down until the last seconds. He even had the nerve to LOL me as the last second ticked by.

His LOL immediately turned into WTF! as I found and killed him in the few seconds between the end of the 2-minute timer and the start of the next round.

And of course, Mona cannot stop gloating at how many times he followed me around silently, holding his fire until I turned around to have the biggest shock of my life. -_-

Henry says he's the best hider. CHEH!

I know I suck cause I tend to be unable to stay in one place. I mean, I heard it's easier for people to find you if you don't move. That's why you stay put when you get lost in a mountain or something.

Unfortunately, Mona seems to be able to predict where I go, (and won't let me forget it!) so he tracks me down before Henry.

ARGH! I feel so sore when I die and Henry is happily laughing in his dark corner somewhere, unmoving, thus proving my scout's theory wrong. (But then again, I was never a scout.)

Okay, so now I know I really suck at hide and seek.

I CANNOT keep my nose out of things and I kept peeking out whenever I heard a scuffle between Mona and Henry.

I was sitting on the water tower while Henry was on the opposite roof, crouching in a corner.

Mona spotted Henry and chased him around the roof. I peeked around the tank to see what was going on. Henry managed to escape and I crept back to my hiding place.

I almost screamed when I was stabbed in the back a few moments later - Mona saw me while he was chasing Henry but pretended he didn't.

DIUUU!

He said he let Henry go because why chase him down when I was a free frag?
I was perched on the tower with only one way down - and he was coming up the ladder anyway.

SWT. Cunning bastard.

Another time I just felt like I HAD to peek out the window of the second floor of one of the houses to see what was going on.

Mona was on the opposite roof, then suddenly he swung around and spotted me.

SHITTY SHITTY SHIT >_>

There were only two ways out - down the ladder and out the door on the ground floor, or jump off the balcony to the main road, taking damage and making myself and easy target.

I decided to hang round the corner until he came out and try to stab him in the face. -_- He learnt his lesson though and shot me from afar. Sob.

After that he scolded me for being kepoh.

Says I keep watching him and Henry run around and then I die instead. of Henry. -_________________________-

I just noticed that Henry doesn't know how to use the radar at all. LOL.

Although footsteps are silent, you can still hear someone if they fall from a certain height.

LOLLL STEPH I HEARD YOU FALL! AHAHHAA

I'm not moving, Hen. HE'S THERE! LOLLLL.

OMG!

barbosa has pawned GodPistolHand with a headshot from glock

AHHAHA ZHAR DOU!

So gan jiong lar.
There was once, Henry and I were hiding in the same house - me and the first floor and him and the second. He was RIGHT on top of me on my radar.

We were happily private chatting away as the timer ticked down when I heard a scuffle and Henry suddenly died.

WTF! IMAGINE SOMEONE GETTING MURDERED RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD!

A killer! In your house! Just one floor above you!

I just stoned there and ran for it.
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! T_T

And I escaped.

*wipes sweat*

I'm gonna make more people play tomorrow. I don't care.

I haven't played hide and seek since I was a kid, and if this is the best I can get for now, I'll take it.

I love hide and seek. ^^

So, if you're a CSer and you are tired of your everyday 'plant the bomb, defuse the bomb, rescue the hostages, kill the enemy,' you can try this instead.

Just make sure you have at least 3 people and adjust the amount of seekers to the amount of people hiding. Also make sure the time limit is sufficient for the seeker to find everyone, yet not too much to allow the seeker to dawdle.

Don't have too many people if the map is too small. It'll be crawling with people then, and doesn't give you that vulnerable and anxious feeling.

Anyway, I'm going to try to sleep now, after sleeping from 8am to 6 pm and 8pm to 10.30 pm the day before. -_- Yes, my sleeping hours are screwed up and my non-sleeping hours are filled with useless activities.

The life of a holidaying teen, indeed.

Blogs please

Okay so I was in a bad mood and decided to take a break from CSing and organize my bookmarks instead.

I wanted to delete a misplaced YouTube link that was sitting in my Blogs folder.

So, I hit the delete button.

The Blogs folder vanished.

&(Q#^%^@%#R&@!

What the fuck. And I don't think I can undo it.

Now I'm just damn pissed off and PLEASE people.

Post your blog links here becase I've become so dependant on the bookmarks I don't remember your address anymore.

=_=

Kthanks.

Better now

And it's over, as we all knew it would be. That's the benefit of experience - at least I knew my mini black hole ordeal would be over when it barely even started.

I woke up later in the day (having slept at almost 9 am) feeling just as awful as I did before I went to bed. I had my lunch and had no will to do anything. I just sat on the computer chair and stared blankly ahead. I couldn't bring myself to put on a cheery facade and chat online so I crawled back beneath the covers and slept until 9.30 pm.
I had half a dinner, having lost my appetite hearing mom chat over the phone to my uncle regarding his brother who has just been diagnosed with nose cancer. There isn't any more doubt that it runs in the family.
4x6x8 cm in the nose, multiple tumours in the lymph nodes and a minimum of 15 seperate growths in the liver.
Doesn't sound good, does it?
I wish that it were otherwise.
Anyway, the first thing I did was trudge back up to Den's room and lock myself in.
Then, as I've always done, I ran crying to Nick.
LOL WHAT A BABY!
But wouldn't you keep returning to the person who has unfailingly kept many of your secrets before and trust to provide you with an ear and (maybe not so sound) advice?
So anyway, I laid all my doubts and insecurities out in the open, as did he.
Then we had a good laugh at how silly the situation seemed when aired out to another party.
-_______-
But this time, so much for secret keeping.
Ok, even I didn't know Nick TALKS TO HIMSELF when he types.
And this time, he left Skype on with KC on the other line.
@(&#^&#%&@#!
Imagine my shock when KC suddenly msn-ed me and nearly shouted at me.
"Omg. You didn't tell me! You don't love me anymore. T_T"
Walao. I immediately messaged Nick.
"You TOLD HIM?"
"Huh? Told who what?"
Then KC messaged back:
"Er don't tell Nick. Nevermind."
Being super confused...
"Er, excuse me for my sudden outburst. It's nothing. I'm just very confused right now. ^^''
"I'm confused too -.-"
Then realisation dawned upon him and he told me that he'd abandoned KC on Skype.
"YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?"
"No no! I just...kinda....mumble when I type."
"MEANING YOU TALK TO YOURSELF!"
"Well...yea....no, I just said a couple of words."
"Ohmygod -_- That's more than enough la. Now KC's all hurt that I didn't tell him anything. Thanks a LOTTTTT NICKKKKK."
Either way, we got a good laugh out of it. -_-
And KC is still somewhat in the dark about my situation - the less people who know, the better.
After that relieving conversation, I finally got my mood back to CS.
AHAHHA! You know something isn't right when I refuse to play at all.
And my score wasn't all that bad either. In fact, it was even better than normal.
Somewhere around 80-40 with the gun I used to hate with a passion. m4.
I'm no longer the AK bitch. :D
Mona says I've improved a lot, even bagging double and triple kills every so often and thanks to Alex, I can wallbang quite decently now.
Yeayea, it's also due to his encouragement that I stopped burst-firing and started practising my spray, so I owe him another thank you. -_-
Yesterday everyone was laughing cause I was camping in the tunnel at dust2, then 4 of the terrorists came charging in. But I was already waiting, having heard their deafening stomping down the middle long ago thanks to the fishy.
3/4 died in one spray. LOL.
I didn't manage to switch to my handgun quickly enough so I died to the survivor. ):
If not sapu edi lo then I'd feel so bangga. AHAHAHA.
And I can bang a few select locations in dust2 already, mainly boxes.
Until the enemy accused Mona and I of wallhacking and ghosting.
AHAHA.
Summore they explained it in detail.
"1 of you walling then your 2 friends spectate and tell you where we are. Wanna cheat play lan meh ar? Bang wall la, fucking hackers."
LOL!
SINCE WHEN WAS IT ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THROUGH WALLS?
And if Mona is a waller, what the hell do we need to spy for him for?
AHAHA!
O_O''
Sorry la, must thank our 1337 headphones. X)
You accidentally make the slightest noise also we'll know almost exactly where you are.
:D
Pwnzorss!
LOL. And every time I wallbang you can see Mona become damn happy, saying how geng his headphones are. AHAHA. So bangga. X)
That day I webcammed him to show him his darling fishy. :D
Yea, it's a Piranha but he calls it fishy, which kinda downgrades it a little but who cares it sounds cute.
Then I forgot I was webcamming Henry at the same time.
"WHOA PRO GAMER! LOLLLL!"
"LOL NICE AR?"
Well, the sound quality it pretty awesome, but as usual, it gives me red ears.
I guess it can't be perfect, can it? ):
But it certainly beats the fuzzy old walkman earphones I used to use.
LOL. Furthermore I used to put them on backwards and then I'd run right into the enemy.
WTF!
"You put them on backwards again didn't you?"
"Erm, obviously? ^^"

Ahaha. I always forget I'm webbying Henry.
That day I was showing Nick my new glitter ball I got from Aussie when Henry messaged:
"LOL what are you doing? What's that?"
Anyway, Fiona wants to 1v1 with me in cs_tank.
NOOOO! I'm gonna lose! ARHgHAGRH.
/me avoids Fiona.
:D She just started CS and has some accuracy problems, but she is damn aggressive it scared me.
*cringe*
Furthermore, people who have no strong sense of strategy are far less predictable.
When you're quietly aiming your crosshair at the tunnel entrance, you don't really expect someone to come charging right into your face spraying bullets like there's no tomorrow.
^^''
a
Terrifying girl, she is.
Oh well. The point is I feel better now. Thank god for good friends.
:D

Perfectly masochistic

Who needs to wait for someone to crush your feelings when you can do it perfectly fine?

I seem to have a tendency to walk away from the good things I have and be content in making my miserable. I hate myself sometimes.

Let's face it, I'm neither pretty nor polite and not particularly skillful in anything.
I seem to be more of an introvert than otherwise and I'm no master of conversation.
I have fantastic moodswings and often lash out at people who care about me.

Some days I feel like I own the world, some days I wonder what good am I to it.

This is one of those days.
It's like I can't let someone be nice to me without hurting them. I am so intent on satisfying my own masochistic tendencies that I ignore what's happening to the people who are trying to help me and continue on my collision course.

As I said, self harm doesn't have to be physical.

There are some days where I feel so awfully down.
I want someone to talk to me, comfort me; yet I'm afraid of troubling them.
And then there are those days where I dramatize my feelings in hope of some sympathy to feed my everlasting need for care, until the point that I don't realise that I'm dredging up awful memories for them until it's too late.

Then I REALLY feel as horrible as I made my feelings out to be in the first place.
Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone?

And yeap, I just did it again.

Give me a pat on the back, dearest friends; otherwise, hang me.
Lord knows I deserve it.

I don't think many of you know how heartbreaking it is to see your mother cry because she thinks she can't help her daughter when she's sad. There are some things I can't tell her without unearthing painful feelings for us both. And yet, if I refuse to speak, it's akin to shutting her out of my life.

Why do I do this?

So here I am, sitting here before my computer at 8 am, without sleep since the previous day (being the lifeless person I am,) wondering how on earth can anybody LIKE me?

I feel so useless.
It's almost as if I've been one disappointment after another.
I'm not the girl people think I am, or expect me to be.

Just another shell, hollowed out to the core.

Sometimes I think I have no heart, doing the things I do. And yet, I wouldn't be saying all this if I didn't. =/

But don't worry, I've gone through patches of this before - a drowning sense of hopelessness. There has always been someone to talk me through my tears and the occasional bitch fit.

There has always been someone there for me.

...

Then after that, they're...gone.
Even after my spell of depression, however brief or minor, something between us just...dies.

I guess discovering my inner feelings are too hard for them to take, huh?

Am I no longer the person you knew?

But I am.
Always have, always will be.

If you can't accept me with my flaws, then don't accept me at all.

Okay. I'm going to go and sleep.
I'm destroying myself all over again.

I'm alive!

Happy Birthday Siew Lei, Brandon, Jern and Sui Yi!

Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!

There.
I've made up the whole of last month's worth of blogging.

Ok. It's been about 3 weeks since I last blogged. I just gave up on Lydia's tiny little laptop with it's german keyboard (if I type my name as Stephanie Zeong again I'm gonna scream) and I was too busy satiating my CS hunger in Melbourne to blog.

Let's not even discuss about Perth shall we?

I'm just gonna mention 3 phrases:

Dial-up.

Ancient dinosaur-era computer.

In the service apartment lobby.

I finished 3 storybooks on my sofabed during that one week instead.

Well, Aussie was fun. I gained 3 kgs (as I planned, hohoho) and just about lost them in less than a week (that's Malaysia for me.)

Happy to say that my plans for Uni are finalised and I'm off to RMIT for my arts foundation on the 20th of February.

)))): That's leaves me less than 2 months to see my friends and...pack my stuff....and.........leave?

OMG I'm lifeless!

-___-

Anyway, it's 7.50 am right now.

No, if you know me you'd know that I have NOT, in fact, woken up early to blog at ungodly hours (for people my age) and I just haven't slept yet, that's all.

Mona KO-ed at roughly 6 something, so I had a shower and finished my storybook and basically stoned around doing random stuff - I EMAILED MY MOM, THAT'S how random.

So I decided to come back to the blogging world.

Hello world.

(IT student joke, if you don't get it, it doesn't matter I've always been a super geek anyways.)

So yeah. Here I am.

*hums*

Ok, sorry, was just recalling what I was going to say - lost touch with this blogging thing already, dammit!

Have you ever felt like you're just a teeny bit psychic?

Well, I woke up on the morning of 17th December (yea, SAM bitches, you know what's coming!) at around 9 and a thought just popped into my mind.

Well, not so much a thought as seemingly random figures...oh OK fine. The results of my SAM finals, ok?

Anyway, I said to myself. 2A 2B 1C.

Then I stoned for a while under the covers, nervously pondering what TER I was going to get.

My sister got 93.3 (FREAK OF NATURE!) and I figured that following the trend, I'm going to score a fair bit lower than her (being the lazy bitch that I am) and the number 87.7 (yes, even the point-seven) just popped into my mind.

Sure enough, when I logged into the SSABSA webbie, my TER was 87.7.

FUCK!

Right after that, I figured that if I thought of the number 99.95 hard enough then my results would have been top of the year!

Right. -_-

So anyway, I was really hoping against hope to score at least a 90.

What the hey, marketing people say the the first digit of a number can make it look much bigger or smaller in value, even though there isn't really much difference between 90 and 89.99.

Sigh.

I know it's pretty good for my class' standard (what a bunch of lazy asses we were) so I'm not going to moan too much about it and rub it in the faces of the people who got 60 or something like that.

Then Den goes and says that with that kinda result, I could pretty much apply to do engineering in Melbourne U.

Melbourne U!

Engineering!

OH THE GLAMOUR!

Btw, Den the freakofnature got 2nd class upper honours in her Bachelor of Engineering.

Yes! She has finally graduated!

And yes, we are all very proud of her.

So for a millisecond, I considered doing an about face and taking up engineering and then I get to put that oh-so-fancy 4 letters behind my name:

Yeong Shan Wen, Stephanie; Bachelor of Engineering (Melb.)

HOLY M. E. L. B.!

The graduation booklet I was reading during the convocation before I dozed off even made a point to emphasize the importance of those 4 letters and what value it would add to your resume.

Which justifies the 20% extra you pay to study in Melbourne U, one of THE top 200 unis in the world.

But holy hell, engineering?

Hell yes, I could probably do that but I'd DIEEE DIEE DIEEEEE of boredom. I KNOW I have a knack for both maths and physics but NONONOWAYYYYSPAREMEEEE!

So yeah. I'm stuck with arts in RMIT.

(Which is nowhere near the top 200, as far as I can tell.)

Well, I'm gonna show you that I can earn as much money designing the next Counter-Strike as Den can earn designing an replacement brain for the mentally-challenged or something.

I know for a fact that there are as many gamers as there are stupid people in the world.

In fact, I think stupid people make up 90% of the gaming population, if Garena is any measure.

But wait, I don't think gamers make up 90% of the stupid population so I may have gotten my theory a bit screwed up there.

So much for having an aptitude for numbers. :/

Oh well.

Anyway, I have a few more weeks to get that freaking Left 4 Dead.

God knows Jaykay already deserted me to play L4D

Which means one less CS kaki. *&@#^*@%#@!

Cheeeepet! I have to get the freaking game and play it already.

Mona already asked me to come down to Wangsa Maju (one of the ccs, hell knows which one. Is it tbun??) so we could play but YOU ALL KNOW I CAN'T DRIVE!

Jaykay said he'd fetch me and we'd go together but the lucky bastard managed to get hold of the CD and he's playing it at home. And I have my own words thrown back in my face:

Why play at the cc when you can play for FREE at home?

ARGHGHGHRGHGR!

He said to pass him my external and he'll give me the game but as I said earlier,

I CAN'T DRIVE!

OMG! I have only a few weeks to get the damn license.

-____-

And I don't want to.

I wanna be chauffeured around for the rest of my life. *small voice*

I also wanna go to Popi!

LING! SUI! VIVI! MONA! My bitches, when are we going?!

Sei Jaykay went without me on new year's eve - on which I stayed home like the lifeless person I am and DotA-ed with Henry and texted with Mona until the countdown ended. And it doesn't feel better when KC AND Nick called me to wish me a happy new year with tons of people screaming in the background, as well as ask, in a VERY loud voice (to be heard over all that ecstatic screaming, you see):

SO WHATCHA DOING? ARE YA HAVING FUN?

I was gonna say something really bitchy, but Nick goes:

HOLD ON A SEC STEPHIE!

*laughter and music in the background*

SORRY SOMEONE WAS...WAIT A MOMENT, SORRY!

*my heart smashes into thousands of tiny fragments, wishing for all I was worth that I hadn't rejected Jaykay's offer and gone clubbing whether or not I risked dying of his drunk driving after or not*

NEVERMIND!

I am PROUD to say I have chosen LIFE over CLUBBING!

But a giant hole was punctured in my cloud of righteousness and sensibility when Jaykay DID come home in one piece a few hours later, seemingly intact (though high) and crowing about how girls have been grabbing him in the balls. (No, I didn't really want to know that, and neither did the people in the CS room, I'm pretty sure.)

Though I can't blame him for his semi-drunken ranting as I was much, much worse off when I went clubbing for the first (and only) time. Mona said it was a night he would never forget. What the fuck. -_-

Crazy bitch has been doing the crazy thing and staying up with me to chat and play CS until people start getting up and going to work. In fact, for 3 days in a row I was up late (early?) enough to bid Oliver the early-riser good morning as he woke up and I went to bed.

But don't think it hasn't taken a toll on us. -_-

He pretty much died at 6am as I said and I'm only still awake because I slept until an epic FIVE PM yesterday.

=/

Mona was supposed to wake me up at 3 at my request, but only after 2 texts and 2 calls at half hourly intervals I finally rolled out of bed...and went straight back to the computer.

Dewwww. Lifeless kia!

Sigh.

OH! Have I told you yet - that I've just been dumped?

HAHAHA!

My pet Jern has finally given up on me after more than 6 months and has moved on to his next prey - another girl named...yes, you guessed it - STEPHANIE!

HOLY STEPHANIE HUNTER!

He told Nick to tell me that he condemns ever loving me again (T_T'') and that he has someone else to love now.

I swear, when Nick told me on Skype I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes and had a tummy cramp after.

"So...should I tell him you're relieved or what?"

"NO! NICK! I'm HEARTBROKEN!"

*bursts into fresh fit of laughter*

"Hahhaha, as you wish, princess."

Yes. I swear he calls me princess. -____-

Nick, my prince!

*gag*

Anyway, Jern has the cheek to tell me that I've changed.

CHANGED!

That I've gotten...ohmygod I can't say it it's making me laugh...WILDER!

HA. HA? HA!

As if what he thinks matters to me since I never cared all that much for him in the first place.

Yes, his deep voice for his age certainly caught my attention, but only fleetingly.

For him however, he wandered pretty damn close to the border of obsession.

He spent the last couple of days stalking me from room to room in Garena.

He uses MY nickname while playing CS.

He talks to my darling Oliver and sends me messages through him.

He calls Nick to beg me to talk to him.

He bought me one-month gold member.

HA! How irrelevant but I guess that's the only I really loved from the whole list of the ways he attempts to pledge his love for me.

Oh, and if you think it isn't funny enough that he had to find ANOTHER Stephanie to replace me, get this:

His ex-(and first) girlfriend was named...

STEPHANIE!

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*wipes tears from eyes*

Through Nick, I managed to wheedle an explanation for this freakish name-fetish of his.

It was pretty much as I expected: he promised Steph #1 that he would only love Steph forever.

HA! HAHAH! OMG!

I have to label myself now! Steph#2!

I'm having an identity crisis here.

These times are when I briefly wish that I could be like Viv and get guys that she actually finds cute and are good at DotA. (Not that this is a very important trait for my future boyfriend, but yes it does help keep me in a happy mood.)

Man. Why is my love life so bleak?

No wonder I don't have one if these are the kind of guys that actually go for me.

Ha. I remember the guy from Johor who insisted I pretend that I was his little sister and he had to protect me and all that shit. And who could forgot Mister you-should-wash-your-nails-in-lemon-juice-cause-it's-healthy-for-the-nailbed-and-makes-them-soft?

Well. I have Nick and KC, but they have pretty much gotten over their infatuation with me cause I'm too much of a guy's girl to be a girl kinda girl. Does that even make sense?

In short, that means I don't have impressive boobs and would rather sit with my legs up on the table playing CS with my friends than dress up all flirtily and go dating/clubbing.

But whatever, I've finally washed my hands clean of germs!

Har. Har. You don't get it, but I used to call Jern Germ. Yea, yea, lame joke but it's even less amusing when you see him call me hunniebunnie. (Oh god, why snowbunnie? WHY? I need a new screenname.)

Anyhow, I wanna get Steam CS.

Anyone out there who volunteers to buy it for me?

My birthday is in 6 months if you aren't willing to pledge your love and life to me and be my slave who does my bidding.