Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Worn out

I'm feeling so tired.

Woke up super early to go yumcha and hang kai with Viv at 1U. We walked for like 5 hours and only ended up buying 1 item - mom's bday present.

-__-

Mostly we just walked and chitchatted and ignored all the shops.

Before we entered 1U, there was this pair of retarded girls who were obstructing our car when Viv was trying to park.

Basically Viv was driving along and saw a carpark lot on the right hand side, so she stopped and started reversing into the lot.

Lo and behold, a white car appeared out of nowhere and zoomed straight into our path. I'll draw a diagram for you to make things clearer:


The black lump is the wall and the stripes are the parking lots ._.

So anyway, as you can see we were reversing into the lot when this car with 2 girls in it whooshed along and stops like 6 inches from the side of our car.

Logically, our car will swipe the other car as we were reversing because they were too damn close.

We couldn't go forward because we'd be blocking their way then. We couldn't go back cause duh, who would willingly scratch their car for 2 idiots?

So we made a motion with our hands to tell them to back up and let is into the lot so they could pass.

And you know what they did? They gave us a pair of bitchy glares and honked us.

Oh, the cheek! I made the shoo-ing motion with my hand again and she accelerated, coming even closer and nearly kissing our car while honking all the while.

At this point, scary Viv emerged from her docile cocoon and sat up in her seat, giving them the evil eye.

I guess common sense finally dug its way out from all the shit in their brain, cause they finally backed up under our icy glares and zoomed past without a problem - we didn't even have to move, which just shows we weren't even blocking them in the first place, the girl was just a shitty kopi-o licensed driver. She also honked a couple more times for good measure.

Oh and they both flipped us the finger.

Out of courtesy, Viv and I flipped them the birdy at the same time in return. It would be comical if we weren't momentarily stunned by the sheer idiocy of those 2 girls.

I don't know what the fuck they were trying to do wei. If they were trying to steal our parking lot and trying to intimidate us into driving away so they could swoop in on our lot, they must be pretty blind because there was another empty lot just 3 cars down.

And it's not as if Viv was being an incompetent driver and going in and out of the lot multiple times. The other car swooped in midway through the first reverse.

If they didn't block us, we would've already parked and they would have passed by easily.

Swt. Some people are so stupid that it disgusts me. Though I shouldn't be surprised. There are more stupid and uncivilised people in the world than we could ever imagine.

Anyway, right before that incident my phone slipped off my lap and under the chair. Naturally, I forgot to pick it back up after that little scene and my boyfriend went crazily worried after I didn't reply his messages and calls.

Sigh. I feel bad for making him worry that I had been robbed or raped or kidnapped or murdered. But it was only 3 hours and maybe I had silenced my phone or something. But then again, if your boyfriend doesn't worry about you, there must be something wrong.

:( I will never leave my phone behind again. My mom found the whole thing quite amusing -_- But I can see that she's quite pleased to that Sam is so concerned about my safety.

Poor baby has been so worn out and stressed lately that I feel guilty for adding to his stress.

However, I feel quite bewildered when he gets so worked up but somehow I still feel responsible although I don't really understand how things are my fault.

But I do understand that people are much touchier and more tense when they're stressed or tired or both so I'm not harbouring any bad feelings.

I just hope I can make him relax and rest enough for our holiday together in Miri this Thursday.

x__x Plus tomorrow I shall stay at home the whole day like a good girl so everyone will know where I am.

Boooooo.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Get off my back

Like, please.

I find it damn pissing off when people choose to judge me by the company I keep. First of all, it is none of your business who my friends are.

Secondly, don't you have better things to worry about than who I'm hanging out with?

I'm not having sex, doing drugs, smoking, gambling, getting drunk, anorexic, squandering money or failing in school.

I know parents are always concerned about their child's wellbeing but if your child is coming to no harm or under any bad influences, you should just leave us be.

And also, I think it's fucking rude when people call my friends weird. What gives you the fucking right to do that? Sure, some of them have some quirks and weird behaviour, but no one's perfect right?

What if my friend's sibling called me a freak because I sleep at 6 am and have candy for breakfast?

Fuck you la judgemental people.

It's not an individual friend I'm talking about here but all my friends past and present as a whole.

You find it very easy to tell me to shut up when I'm talking about my friend simply because you have no love for the person, but it is none of your fucking business ok? It's a free fucking country and I'm not even talking to YOU about my friend so don't tell me to shut up.

I don't like your friends but you don't see me telling you to shut up right? So stop rolling your eyeballs and trash talking people I know just because you don't like them.

Even though sometimes things may be rocky between me and my friends, I don't see the necessity to grab that opportunity to talk shit about them. I may whine and groan a bit but I never, ever engage in mudslinging and slandering.

On the other hand, YOU PEOPLE - who don't even KNOW them or know the whole story - think you have the right to tell me that my friends are stupid, hopeless, selfish and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Even if you don't have respect for them, have some respect for ME. They are MY friends, and if you don't like them then don't go near them. Don't come and tell me I should back the hell off and stay away from them because they are BAD people or STUPID people.

Thanks for showing your confidence in me. You all treat me like a child who is incapable of choosing my friends.

Well, news flash: I'm 18 bloody years old and I can choose who to hang out with.

Don't tell me that they're bringing me down. I'll never stoop to someone's level just to fit in. I can get along perfectly fine being myself thank you.

So save your advice and judgements for when I'm fucking around freely, addicted to drugs and whatnot.

For now I'm just a clean, sober, smoke and drug-free, A-average virgin who wants to have fun with her friends, thank you very much.

P.s. I'm sorry baby for yelling at you. I took things too seriously and felt like you were taking their side. This issue didn't begin today and I guess it was pent-up anger. I'm sorry. Owe you tons of mushes and egg tarts :(

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Momentarily incapitated

It's never as simple as it seems.

I wish everything could work out in a way that everyone is happy. Alas, sometimes it's just not meant to be.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish. Traitorous thoughts infiltrate my mind and I immediately stamp them out of my head. But they haunt me and I start to doubt myself.

I wish I could be happy without sacrificing your happiness. Maybe there's something wrong with my personality, like a subtle manufacturing defect that's not noticeable at first, but slowly becomes apparent over time.

People tell me I'm growing prettier and prettier, but I feel like my insides are decaying. I'm hideous.

I wish I could turn back time to when I still had bunny teeth, mushroom hair, glasses, braces, pimples and and granny panties.

Because then I'd have more superficial things to worry about.

I can worry about not ever being pretty or whether I'd have to marry someone with club feet and acne cause then we'd be on the same standard. I can worry about what my parents are going to say when I don't get straight As for PMR. I can worry about whether I'm going to be able to make that DotA match tonight.

Insignificant concerns.

I feel like I'm sinking back into that dark period I went through during my early teens, only now I'm moping about more important matters.

Then I wonder whether 5 or 10 years from now I'm going to look back on this period of time and laugh because I'm so silly to take things so seriously.

But this is important to me. I don't want to hurt people I love because my emotions are in turmoil. I don't want my emotions to be in turmoil because I'm trying not to hurt people I love.

It's a vicious cycle.

Why can't I just be happy and then everyone can be happy that I'm happy and then I'm happy that they're happy too?

Why a cycle of sadness and resentment instead of a cycle of happiness?

Did I choose to be this way?

I don't know. I'm sorry if I'm troubling anyone right now but I feel like I'm drowning.

I smile because it makes people happy, but it kills me inside.
I cry because I feel better, but it makes people unhappy.
When people are unhappy I don't know whether to smile and pretend I'm fine and to cry and let it all out.

And the result?

I'm sitting here blogging with an aching heart, on the verge of tears but never crying because I promised not to cry.

Pent-up emotion is no good, but crying over everything isn't good either.

I can't find that delicate balance of emotions I'm SUPPOSED to show.

I'm sorry.

I'm messed up.

Don't feel bad for anything. I think I was born this way.

I love you. I hope you all love me too.

I can't breathe.

Monday, January 18, 2010

#778

I just realised the previous post was post 777 on this blog. And I spent that auspicious post ranting about what an ungrateful and insecure person I am.

Mom just tapao-ed hokkien mee for my dinner after waiting 30 mins at the stall for it. All because I had a last minute emotional breakdown (again? fuck yeah) and refused to go to my aunt's house where she cooked dinner for me.

FUCK. I SUCK BALLS.

My boyfriend rushed over from a gathering with his friends when he heard my horrible, trembly voice when I spoke to him on the phone. He's currently fast asleep on my bed, exhausted after a fitful sleep last night and rushing around in the KL jam to come and see his spoilt and undeserving little child of a girlfriend.

Tomorrow I'm going out with Shan after I haven't seen her for a bloody long time. We can shop or iceskate or do whatever like bug Brandon who's working at Quiksilver.

Also, I just found out that some guys from my friends' school in Penang are missing, having being towed under by strong currents and the leader of the Dragonboat team has already been found dead, leaving behind a grieving and distraught girlfriend.

My boyfriend is living and breathing next to me and I don't know what I'd do without him.

I should be happy. I feel better.

Maybe it takes some REAL food to jolt my comatose mind awake and see that life isn't so bad. It's just that I'm being stupid and pessimistic and I got owned by loneliness.

God knows I've been living off McDs and Maggi and junk food for the past couple of weeks.

I'm sorry for the last post. I'm a very happy girl, really.

:) :) :) I love you all and I am eternally grateful to those who put up with my psychoness and my Bipolar-ish behaviour.

Thank you thank you.










I'm sorry I'm not the person you want me to be.

Magna Doodleboard

I'm a magna doodleboard.

Have you ever had one as a kid? You can draw pictures on it and wipe them away and draw new ones.

I don't know who I am. I got lost trying to find out who I am. It's such a cliched story-of-a-teenager's-life and I hate it.

I feel like nobody is my friend and nobody likes me. But that must be impossible, right? Cause I'm 19 years old and I'm bound to have SOME friends and SOME people who sincerely like me.

Maybe it's my fault for being aloof. Sometimes I just want to be alone and not engage in all the social activities that teenagers have. Maybe it was me who cut off all my ties to the outside world.

I feel like I'm living in my own mind. I think about things and I never voice them out, yet expect people to understand me. I conveniently forget that humans do no read minds.

I wish I could be one of those people who can content living in seclusion. I may not be a social creature but I do crave attention sometimes. Everyone needs attention. If someone is constantly ignored, it's as if they weren't there at all and would cease to exist in our consciousness.

I'm wondering if I just up and vanished now, would anyone miss me?

I guess not. Sucks to feel replaceable, doesn't it?

I make life hard for myself. I don't TRY to make friends. I just sit around and hope that some magical bond will just materialise and a best friend will drop from the sky.

Which is ridiculous.

All this while I've been wanting people to like me for who I am, but since I no longer no who I am, I guess it's only natural that no one likes me. :S

RIDICULOUS.

I think I've been cooped up at home for too long with unnatural sleeping hours. It's killing me.

I just feel like a piece of shit, you know? Unwanted and busuk and constantly avoided.

I've stopped being friendly to new people because I keep thinking that we're probably not going to get along, so why make the effort? I've stopped flirting with guys out of respect for my boyfriend so no help on that end either.

I should go out more, but even so, I'm quite shy when it comes to people so that's no fucking use.

Why don't I rot away at home and wipe all digital traces of my life as well?

When I chat on facebook I feel forced, like I'm just chatting with those people for the sake of keeping up a facade of actually HAVING a social life.

Forget about people in gaming. There are more dishonest and obnoxious people that I care to know nowadays.

I'd call people to talk to them but I have no idea what to talk about. The only person who calls me on a regular basis is my boyfriend and that fucking creepy malay stalker dude.

People msn me all the time, but it seems like all they ask for is an extra dota kaki or COME LET'S HON/CS and I miss all my 'how are you's and 'wassup babe's.

Is that all I've become? Some person you call upon when you need to fill that 5th slot in DotA? Or the person you call upon to join your CS server because I'm a girl and that's special?

Arghhhhhh. Go away go away I hate gaming yet I love gaming and I'm addicted to it and it's raping my personality.

LET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE DAMMIT.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

11 months

11 bittersweet months :)

Bitter due to separation and sweet for reunion. Sigh. I feel so cheesy right now.

Babeh took me out on a date Friday night, cause he's going up to Genting on Saturday the 16th.

He appeared out of nowhere, waving his arm at the edge of my vision while I was deeply engrossed reading a children's storybook in Times, Pavilion.

Mmm he smelt good.

We had early dinner at Dragon-i, where we had deceptively sour mango dessert. He fed me sago and sweet bits of mango while suffering the impossibly sour chunks of mango.

I was too full to walk around Pavilion, which I have exhausted with my countless visits to over the past few weeks so he drove me to his home.

We accompanied his sister for dinner then when back to his place for some lovin'.

He was tired and I asked him to fetch me home so he could get an early night, but he said to wait and countdown to our 11 month(-aversary?)

So he had a quick nap and drowsiness is contagious and I fell asleep as well and we both ended up missing the midnight stroke. -_-

But we got up and had some fun, took some pictures, nommed and went to Mcdonald's where I had soggy fries.

Then he dropped me home at 2 am. I uploaded pictures to Facebook.

After that, we played 3 statless games of HoN with Ian and his friends. (2 wins - 1 loss)

Stoned a while and Sam went to sleep. I'm still awake at 7 am, praying he will be safe on his bus trip up to Genting tomorrow.

I hate Msian bus drivers. Combined with the steep hills of Genting and its fogged, haunted environment, the whole idea gives me the chills.

However, I shall remain calm and hope he has a great time with his friends while I reminisce about memories around this time last year.

:) I finally got him out of the house and with me. And now I'm in his house with him.

Hoho. Cheers for progress.

Sorry if I bored you with this diary-style entry. I'm just using up the last reserves of my energy so I can go to bed.

Good morning and good bye.

Have a safe trip, baby. :D I love you.



Happy 11 months together and cheers to many more to come! <3

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I love Ah Bengs!

They make me laugh D:

This is a conversation with one of my old DotA mates:


P.s. Mosque is NOT the short form for mosquitoes.

Another chapter

...of my life closed.

I guess people do change. Perhaps it was just a miscommunication, perhaps it wasn't.

But when someone apologizes, I can't hold a grudge against them anymore.

We had a talk and laid things out clearly, and the first thing that jumped out at me was a slight variation in our sides of the story.

From my point of view, I was completely innocent, yet blamed for everything. From her point of view, I had just betrayed her and sided with her ex-boyfriend.

She admitted that she was clouded by emotion at the time, and I accept that. I mean I've always known her as an impulsive and proud person. Of course, that doesn't make her retaliation right, but since she has come to me and apologized I hold no more ill feelings towards her as I once did.

I know it takes a person courage and humility to admit they were at fault, especially after not being on speaking terms with me for half a year. And so, I forgive her.

It pained me at first, losing a friend that I was on the same wavelength with for such a petty thing - I rarely connect to people, girls at least, the way I do with her. But after a while, I stopped caring because it wasn't worth losing my dignity.

However, I'm sincerely glad we managed to patch things up and I hope we can put things behind us once and for all.

I hate reserving ill feelings towards others. It hurts me and grates on my nerves. I'd like to think that I can always be on civil terms with the people I know regardless of how well we like each other.

I hope it's not a mistake opening up old chapters of my life.

I hope my boyfriend can understand that I can take care of myself. :) From emotional AND physical harm. Thank you for caring though. You're one of the few people who can almost read my mind. Almost! :x (Don't worry you'll get better nenenenibubu!)

Also, I hope my other friends can understand why we chose to reignite this friendship. I want to believe that we've both changed and grown over the past year. I want to believe we can be good friends again.

Cheers for optimism and cheers for starting a new year with a clean slate.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Back to College

Here's my plan:

Flash my Taylor's id at the guard, get onto campus, hunt KC down and sit in his LAN classes and harass the lecturer.

I thought I'd do it while it's still early and people haven't exactly settled in properly yet. Lecturers won't notice an extra student or two right? Or an ex-student?

Problem is, I lost my Taylor's id. D:

I know it was from '07 but the guards aren't actually very careful when they do the id check. Just flash it at them from 10 feet away and they'd still let you in. There are too many students to bother.

Or I can just do the 'I'm too awesome to give a shit' walk and walk right in, ignoring the guards like I used to do back then whenever I forgot my id.

Or I can flash them my RMIT id and hope no one notices ~__~

Or better yet, why don't I just go takei at Ftz and just have a simple lunch with KC?

Yes, I think that sounds good. And safe. Except that I think I haven't picked up my Taylor's transcripts from '07. I don't remember. I never really gave it a thought.

Hmm.

Whatever. I wanna return to Ftz, the place where my addiction to CS was born. But no one is gonna pei me. Shittttttttt. :(

/rots at home

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Nabeh

Some slang term I picked up from AhBengs while gaming.

A few days ago, my cousin came and told me that I must spell 'nabeh' as 'nabehz' cause that's how the Singaporean Chaoahbengs say it.

My mom was shocked and asked:

"What is THAT?"

Actually, I have no idea. And most people don't either. They just swear. @___@ So today I looked 'nabeh' up, and it turns out that it's not only a hokkien slang used for cursing (it doesn't have an exact meaning, just substitute nabeh for shit, fuck, damn etc.)

Nabeh is also a baby's name, originating from Arab.
It means noble and outstanding.

Fantastic!
So now I can curse without actually cursing!

So when I exclaim "Nabeh that CT! He ff me!" I'm actually saying what a noble and outstanding counter-terrorist he is for shooting his own teammates.

~__~

And people can't say I'm damn foul-mouthed edi lor. Cause when I'm swearing I'm not actually saying a swear word (even though it's used as one it's doesn't really have any meaning.)

It's like those prim and proper missies who scream what the FISH! when they get angry instead of what the fuck, lest they taint their clean red lips.

You know they're supposed to be swearing, only they claim they aren't cause fish isn't a swear word.

Anyway 'what the fuck' has no real meaning either. Fuck means penetration during intercourse, so basically you're asking what the penetration during intercourse?

Huh?

Okay. I know when you're angry you curse. You don't have to make sense cause you're lost in the rage of the moment. That's okay.

I know you mean to be badass and foul. Nevermind that none of your swearing makes sense. ~__~

But I'd find it funny if someone swears like in the old Egyptian days where they go "may your testicles be trampled upon by camels and your entrails feasted upon by maggots!"

Which sounds so more interesting than people like me nowadays who go NABEH!

Saturday, January 09, 2010

: )

I feel so loved.

I couldn't wake up this morning simply because I felt so exhausted and I was in this horrible dark mood and I felt like a kid about to throw a tantrum cause life is so horrible and unfair and shit.

Hello period and all the symptoms that come along with it.

I finally got out of bed around 3.15 and made plans with my bf to go watch Paranormal Activity at night and even got permission from mom to let him stay over after because:

1. It would be quite late already.
2. In case I got scared after the movie and couldn't sleep then at least I can run over and ask for hugs (or vice versa)

Before I clicked 'confirm booking' for the 10.35pm show, I had a bad feeling and called my bf to tell him that I'm not going to prepay online and let's walk in and get tickets since the theatres were quite empty.

One hour later, I was doubled over in agony, hyperventilating and retching over the toilet bowl.

Imagine that you felt like throwing up and it's all up in your throat but nothing comes out and you feel like choking and crying at the same time. Couple that with severe abdominal cramps and hot flushes and chills at the same freaking time. Wtf?

Feeling light headed and 100% awful, I texted my bf to call off our plans, saying that I felt like dying - there's no way I'm even capable of leaving my bed after that, let alone walk to the cinema from the carpark.

Thrashing around in discomfort - staying still resulted in aches and pains all over, moving resulted in extreme nausea and retching - I finally settled down and forced my mind to shut off.

Sleep is my only painkiller - Panadol, menstrual or actifast or whatever just don't do the job for me. I needed an anesthetic swab and FOUR bloody injections just to extract ONE tooth, cause the anesthetic just wasn't taking effect.

And no, I have not become immune to Panadol because I take it too often. Quite the contrary in fact, I've only taken Panadol like three times in my entire life and it has never shown ANY effect even once.

So I learnt over the years when a killer period hits, just stretch out, lie still and force myself to sleep.

I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend walking up the stairs.

I simultaneously felt like crying and smiling in relief but I think I just moaned rather pathetically like a zombie.

He felt my neck, forehead and tummy and proclaimed that I had a high fever.

??? Really? I wouldn't know, I just felt like absolute shit.

He asked the maid for an ice pack, and she presented him with those fragrant towels from restaurants - frozen solid.

Then he iced my down and wrapped me up in a blanket. I drifted in and out of sleep until my fever broke.

And now I'm all better and happy and healthy and running around the house without a problem, but he lost his voice and looks quite worn out.

Awww. I feel a bit bad, tiring him out after his first week of work. Later I realised that it was a bad idea to drag him to watch a movie close to midnight, when I should fully well know that he'd be tired after working everyday AND still managing to drive to my house at night just to accompany me.

T___T

I'm such a bad girlfriend. I wish I could drive over to his place and jaga him back but lord knows I can't drive (YES I'M NINETEEN AND I CAN'T DRIVE) and mom wouldn't let me drive so late at night anyway.

Now I'm watching him hugging his giant tiger plushie to sleep through the webcam.

And I feel glad.

Glad that I found someone who loves me and will take care of me. Glad that I fell in love with him and not some other person who'd take his girlfriend for granted. Glad that he fell in love with me, even though I can be such a pain and be very tiresome.

:) I guess the day wasn't so bad after all.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Mindhack

I believe I'm quite good at hacking Sam's mind now.

Today, I was playing the piano while waiting for Sam to call me to let me know that he had reached my house. Suddenly, for no reason at all, I walked to the main door, switched the lights on and walked outside.

Expecting to find nothing, and putting it down to some faulty synapses, I gave the road a long look before stepping backward into the house.

I heard a car door slam and I did a double take, and sure enough Sam was walking up to my gate and as I watched, he pressed the doorbell.

:O Yay for telepathy!

Also, I can predict with 90.74307% accuracy when he is about to poke/tickle me and I will automatically swing my hand to stop him from doing so.

~__~

And he's just as good as reading my mind and predicting what I'm about to do. One day I was thinking about visiting a cc and he said "you want to go to ftz right?"

AHAHHA kantoi!

But of course, there are times when his mind is a mystery to me. One afternoon I was watching him sleep on my bed and suddenly his eyes started flicking around incessantly beneath his closed eyelids.

I decided to wake him when he starting breathing really hard.

Then he told me he had been dreaming about aliens and kids and some freaky things. @___@

I would have never thought about that.

Oh yeah! On a different note, I want to show you how differently the male and female minds operate.

Take this shirt for example:


I bought it from JayJays in Melb for 5 bucks and I like it because I didn't have any turquoise shirts and it says 'talk to me nerdy' which is very appropriate given my taste in guys.

ANYWAY.

Upon seeing my in this shirt, my female friends and relatives go:

"Oh that's a big kitty!"
"Hello Kitty wearing specs haha!"
"Ohmygoodness you're wearing a Hello Kitty shirt!"

This is mainly because I have never liked Hello Kitty and it is very unusual of me to be caught wearing something as girly and mainstream as Hello Kitty.


...On the other hand, Sam and Zerick took a glance at my shirt and they both said:

OH YOUR BOOBS HAVE EYES! O_O

-___- Men.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

When feeling small...

...go to Garena and own noobs!

Haha yesterday I kena thrash gaogao on GarenaFire so today I pakat with fairy and played on regular servers and raped them ~__~

Damn funny la. I waiting at the tunnel there they one by one come let me sapu. Standard damn different weiii! I go to the GGFire server one player can kill 3 of us without even seeing him ahaha.

Or we see him and die terus.

Garena servers are like, the first players come and you can kill him because he got shocked by you.

Then the second one comes, guns a-blazin' and he empties his magazine without a single bullet hitting you cause he's so freaked out about how his teammate died.

The you kill the third one by ducking behind a corner as he walks stealthily down, searching for you. He turns on his flashlight and that gives his position away. You put a bullet through his chest.

Then, you slowly walk up, thinking that the coast is clear...and you see the barrel of a gun poking out from behind a box. And you know the last opponent is crouching there whimpering cause he's the last man standing facing a full team of counter-terrorists hungry for his BLOOOOOD.


...and there you go. True story! XD

I'm not pro, I just kill noobs ~__~

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

What is art?

Niabu I cannot tahan people being so kepoh.

This guy was in my class at Taylors College and now he's a very PROUD ART STUDENT. I bet he's also one of those types - blablabla I see the world through different eyes and I'm gonna do drugs, change the world and die penniless and unthanked at 39 and that whole package of shit.

While I was DotAing, he messaged me through facebook. Note that this guy is not someone I regularly talk to and I'm wasn't even on chatty terms with him even at college.

So while I was playing, I hear this pop and I go out and check facebook after the game ended.

"you're an art student right? then why don't you have any of your art on facebook?"

Errrr. Hello to you too.

Who on earth would appreciate a random ex-classmate materializing out of nowhere asking you questions in such an accusatory and rude manner without even greeting you?

Since he was offline, I left a post on his wall answering his question as politely as I could.


asdfasdf

Understandably, he stopped replying after that. As you might know, in college I didn't have the sweet disposition that I do now *COUGH* and I think he realised I'm getting touchy.

Sheesh what's wrong with me?

No no no. What's wrong with YOU? What gives you the right to be rude to others? And I hate it when people don't get to the point of a conversation within 20 seconds or so - it's just pointless and irritating, especially if you're not a friend that I enjoy chatting to.

Am I proud of my work? Do you even have to ask?

Of course I am. Don't try to insinuate that I'm ashamed of my own skills just because I don't like showing them off to the whole world. And for your information, I DO have pictures of my artwork when I first started foundation.

As you can see I am pretty enthusiastic AND proud of my work. I just saw no more reason to continue posting them up and I'd rather spend more time actually DOING my work than feverishly post up every single piece of work the moment I get it back from my lecturer.

Okay. I know I'm stepping over the bitchy line here, so let's roll back a bit and I can say that he's pretty good at his work. Yes I do sincerely say that and I applaud his initiative to draw draw draw and practice and refine his skills.

Okay, maybe he's just curious and probably wants to measure up his work against mine, hence the badgering.

But still, learn some manners alright?

-__-

And yes, I do enjoy art but I don't have an all-consuming passion for it. I enjoy other things as well, like gaming and shopping. ~__~

And don't snigger to yourself and go: "Shopping! Oh how shallow! HEE HEE!"

Also, if I don't have to urge to post up my work on the internet, don't judge me for it. There are more areas to art than just drawing and photoshop work.

Mainly, I'm more interested in the area of design and innovation, rather than refinement of my fine art skills.

Come on, you're ARTISTS. Open up your mind. There's more to being an art student than getting fanatical with artists from the past and striving to BE an art student.

If you're an art student, you are. Period. There's no ifs ands or buts. You don't have to TRY to be one.

There is no measure for creativity, and everyone has their own talents. Students learn. They aren't Picasso or Karim Rashid or whoever the fuck you idolize.

Those are established people who are very skilled in what they do, and I'm sure that they would also say that there's much yet to learn.

Not every art student has to be a person who rebels against their parents to live their passion, or work 3 days without sleep to refine a design, or chop up animals or spout 'meaningful' bullshit to justify your work.

You don't have to do weed to make great design, you don't have to isolate yourself from people with other interests just because you don't agree on certain things, you don't have to swallow and accept everything another great artist has to say without a doubt

You don't have to dress differently or neglect your diet or be dark and gloomy and hate the world and everyone in it to be an artist.

You create art. Don't let it consume you.

Like me for who I am, not what I do.

I'm an art student. I am sane. I sleep 6-8 hours a day. I eat regularly. I don't take drugs or drink alcohol regularly. I don't carry a notebook around to draw whenever I can. I wear bright colours and tie my hair and brush my teeth and shave my armpits. Sometimes I rather play DotA or shop than to practice my painting skills. No I don't think everything my lecturers and classmates in uni say is superior to the people who aren't involved in the art industry.

I have my own opinions, my own personality and my own life.

That doesn't mean I don't love or have the passion for art.

:)

I hope all of you realise that.