Stoneage

I'm painting my nails violet, months after I finally splurged EIGHT dollars on a tiny bottle that contained a viscous purple chemical that I've been lusting after.

Life's alright. Been hanging out a lot with Sam and my happiness can only be tainted by the thought of the many more months of separation to come.

Having been on CS hiatus for a while, I feel so completely detached from the petty world of politics, quibbles over minor things and childish cursing in AhBenglish over some stupid matter.

I mean, I love the game. I love a number of games.

But to see how games reduce rational people to squabbling adolescents...it makes me a little bit sad.

I feel slightly sad that I'm probably going to spend my life catering to childish egomaniacs and dishonest reputation-seekers as well as fellow gaming enthusiasts.

Pui.

I know what it feels like to be caught up in a game and neglect real life. I know the feeling of being addicted that your mind fills with thoughts of spells, guns and whatever other gaming shit whenever you're away from your pc.

Frankly, it sucks.

I know the feeling of losing to noobs under situations you can't control and having that burning desire to win win WIN before you can even lay your mind to rest and turn in for the night - only to have your head filled with dreams of ownage and epic pawnings.

Every time I take a break and detach myself from the world of gaming, I realise how insignificant it all is.

Who fucking cares whether that person brags about pawning you with his bloody pro awp?

Who cares whether people think that you're hacking and that you actually suck?

People have actually responded to my in-game banter with GO HOME ASK YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ENGLISH LA!

.___. I don't know what is worse - Ah Bengs telling me that my english isn't up to scratch or that people resort to defending their incompetence in DotA by insulting my language skills.

Every time people ask me where I met my boyfriend and find out that I 'met him playing Counter-Strike' they give me this blank look and a nervous laugh, saying 'oooooooooookay.'

They probably think that this poor girl is trapped in her own virtual world with megabytes of romantic feelings scattered in cyberspace.

What they don't know is that I'd never agree to take someone who is obsessed with their WoW character and in love with my sexy AK-47 to be my boyfriend.

It's not love at first blood or anything like that. I didn't have the slightest notion that the person I met hopping around slaying zombies, happily pawning while ignoring me would someday become someone I care so much about.

Of course, I do entertain the idea of somehow falling for some gaming freak one day, but I never took the idea seriously at all.

So imagine how surprised I was that among all the professions of love and adoration I received from geeks nationwide, that I found a definite aura of sincerity from Sam.

I've had WoW characters and pets named after me, I've had pictures drawn for me, I've had confessions of love through text and Skype, I've been put on a pedestal and worshipped as a clan dictator.

But nothing has ever touched me as deeply as the night I received a proper gaming headset, carried around in a bag for the whole night for the sole purpose of presenting it to me when we were alone, accompanied by a sheepish smile and saying that I had to take care of my ears - earphones are VERY BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH.

It's such a simple and thoughtful gift - something that's got everything to do with gaming and yet was a gesture that has nothing to do with gaming at all.

Nabeh, I started out with an entry about gaming and now I'm talking al about my boyfriend. Fantastic! See, he's invading my mind all the time like M-M-M-MONSTER KILL used to.

-_____-

So where was I?

Oh yeah. I believe gaming is as much a sport as football and basketball in the competitive and strategic sense. Not so much in the physical sense (unless you count overdeveloped index fingers as being physically fit.)

But I disapprove of those who throw their whole life into gaming and forgetting about the other things that are so important too.

It's likely that I'm going to spend my life in the gaming industry, creating more platforms for these gamers to immerse themselves in an alternate reality.

I hope that I help make people's lives more entertaining and promote a sense of community online and not ruin the lives of gamers and damage or even sever their ties with their friends and family.

What's it like knowing that you play a role that could potentially harm people, however unintentionally?

Maybe it's best to aim high like when you were 5 and become a teacher or find a cure for cancer.

:) I hope that whatever I do next time will bring good to others, especially those I care about.

Byebye I'm going to play HoN now.