Gamer's Rage: A short (true and typical) story

A quick summary of an ah beng rant (click to enlarge):

This is my side of the story:

I was playing CS - de_dust with some of my friends. We all knew each other at least vaguely and the game was going fine - all light-hearted and funny.

Then, A new player came in, sapuing my whole team easily. As is our custom, we spectate strangers performing well for hacks


That is not to say we accuse everyone who can kill us of hacking. It is rare to find very good player in Garena and we spectate to root out hackers or welcome new, competent players into our small, pathetic CS community. (Yes, this has happened before and I LOVE these honest-to-good CLEAN players to death.)

Anyway, 3 of us spectated the new player and all of us agreed that it was highly probable that he was using a recoil hack. All of us saw his gun recoil go sideways ONLY and did not move on the y-axis at all. Unless all three of our screens were faulty (YEA RIGHT,) this is no way natural in CS game mechanics.

So, we kicked him and got his IP. After we kicked him, I discovered he was a player of a clan that we all knew. [I've had my  problems with this clan in the past and as of now, only the clan lord I are civil to each other.]

Anyway, he rejoined the game with a new name, now furious, demanding why we kicked him. I was spectating so I didn't know what they talked about during the game (if they even talked at all), but he was kicked again shortly after.

He rejoined AGAIN with a different name - his 'famous' screen name, which NO ONE but me recognized, and only because I'd played with him before. He was now cursing Clams for being a noob and challenging him to a 1v1, all the while saying 'he doesn't hack' and 'what is Clams' problem? Kick people for no reason? Why host if you wanna kick people?' ...and other rubbish questions.

I chatted with him in spectator more, saying that since he is so clearly unwanted here, why doesn't he just leave and save himself time and the embarrassment of being shunned?

He continued raging in spectator mode while everyone was playing and ignoring him. I watched him rant, half-amused, while I was finishing my ice cream.

Eventually, he either left or got kicked from the game by Clams. The game ended shortly after, the fun mood having being ruined.

This is when the conversation in the public channel took place.

And Clams, the host of the server, who kicked him was the loser's teammate, so his accusation about Clams being a sore loser is complete nonsense. If Clams was truly without sportsmanship, wouldn't he have kept a suspected hacker on his team so that he could continue owning? Illogical -__-

Okay.

Firstly, no one accused you to your face for hacking. So don't get all hot and bothered about it. You made an assumption that WE made an assumption about YOU, so we're even now, right?

Secondly, it is Clams' server and he can kick anyone he wants, whether you like it or not. Having his friends even suspect you of hacking is more than enough reason to kick you. Heck, I even kick spammers, whiners and rude people from my server cause I'M the host and I do whatever the fuck I want. You don't like it? LEAVE.

Thirdly, whoever you are and whatever clan you belong to does not mean shit to us. Your reputation can only carry you as far as your manners can. Who cares whether you are supposedly 'pro' or not when you're as rude as a neglected, spoiled 13-year-old brat?

Fourth, of course, I have been kicked from server for 'hacking' as well, and YES, I do fume initially. But I get the fuck over it (after some expected whining.)

I don't scream in the public channel about how retarded you are or try to pick a fight with you. '1v1 LA COME LA 1v1 LA NOOB YOU THINK YOU SO PRO?' [Clarification: He did this in game, not in the public channel.]

When you get kicked, you just find another server that will take you in and PLAY IN THAT SERVER. What is the point of rejoining the same server and troubling everyone by making them have to kick you again and again? Obviously, we have already decided we don't want you playing with us, and annoying and insulting us isn't going to change our mind one bit. 

Fifth, don't bother challenging people 1v1 if your beef with them was because they suspected/accused you of hacking. No blithering idiot would bother competing 1v1 with someone whom they suspect is hacking. Use your brain ffs.

Finally, even if you are NOT hacking (and we all think you are,) you are one fucking nasty player and we don't like you anyway.

Go suck it lahhhh, chao ah beng!


P.s. I wasn't in the convo in the public channel because I promised my bf to remain silent. Admittedly, I have a MUCH smaller tolerance for idiots. I really salute Clams who managed to keep his cool and not rise to provocation :s

I'm talentless.

I'm heartless.

I'm ugly.

*

What do I contribute to this world?

Nothing much.

Just some snarky comments and an attitude problem.


*

I'm not looking for pity, not looking for help.

I'm looking for a friend, but are they looking for me?


*

The world is fucked up, so am I.

I can't fix the world; can I fix myself?

I tried, I failed; I'll try again.

Pick myself up, keep on going, stumble repeatedly.

What's life without challenges?

What's life without flaws?


*

I'm only human.

You don't have to like me; I won't be sad.

I'm sad because I don't like myself.

I could be a better person, but I'm not.

Does that make me a waste of space and oxygen?

No, no.


*

There are people around, but I am alone.

You hold my hand, but I won't drag you down;

in the fall that will surely come.

Because I love you.

I'm a whore, but so are you.

I admit it, but do you?

*

Good night.

I hope you have a pleasant day.

:)

You monster.

Falllinnngggg

I've been behaving uncharacteristically unattractively lately.

There's probably 12983719783 different problems with that sentence, but that kind of sums up my feelings at the moment.

I've been isolating myself from any sort of friendly activity lately and for some reason, I have a strong urge to do nothing but wallow in self-pity recently.

Which is absolutely pathetic. I'm not in the least pitiful. Watching others struggle with their studies, financial and relationship problems, I feel like I've been blessed to have practically NO problems in my life except my own attitude.

I find myself unable to relate to others when I hear about their monetary struggles and difficulty with studying. Maybe it's because it's been over and done with so long ago, but SPM suddenly seems like a piece of cake to me. History? Difficult? PAH! I revised for history for 3 days straight and got an A1 after failing numerous times throughout the 5 years of high school.

And then I feel like such a shit cause I doubt it was really that easy for me.

I feel like I'm being ungrateful cause here I am, born into a happy, loving family with hardly any trouble whatsoever with anything.

Studies? Bahhh, barely studied but still did fine.

Money? Was under a tight budget at one point when dad was sick again, but otherwise pretty well-off compared to others.

Love? The love of my life pretty much landed in my lap from above with barely any complications (compared to some stories of heartbreak.)

I loved him, he loved me. We met, we hit it off and here we are. No doubts, no jealousy, no emotional baggage. Relationship jackpot? Yes!

Yet, I find myself being a cranky bitch while talking to him lately. I don't know what's up with me, but I just lost my verbal tuner. My conversations seemed tuned in to an abrasive frequency; whatever I've said to people these past few days I regret almost immediately.

Could it be that I have no regard towards the feelings of others? Maybe. But if I really didn't care, why do I feel guilty now?

I feel like I need to talk to someone, but I can't bring myself to talk to any of the few friends that I have. I say few because I believe most of the people I know are merely acquaintances who know almost nothing about me and my personality.

And I can't bring myself to act normal in front of them because they might be unable to accept me - sans niceties.

I find myself sugar-coating the things I say these past few years. Only these few days have I truly spoken my mind, and it seems to face solid rejection all round.

I'm sorry, but I'm not the nice girl you thought I was. I'm human, I get jealous, I get irritated, I get selfish, I am occasionally a sore loser.

Only lately, I've started feeling disappointed in myself for being unable to suppress the negativity within me, like I've been doing for so long.

When I control my behaviour and be nice and considerate and tactful, I feel vaguely suffocated. However, when I don't, I feel like I've lost to the bitch within.

It's one thing to be a person who stands by her principles, and another to go out of your way to persecute others with different beliefs.

I used to hate this kind of people, but I'm becoming one myself, actually. :/

I want to be myself, yet I want to be a good person. But is anyone ever born completely good?

I guess I have to learn that retaliating bitter words with more bitterness is futile. I should not have to stoop to another's level to get my point across. Ignoring taunts is not a sign of weakness, but strength, showing that you have control over your own emotions and reactions.

I win when I feel like I've won. And I'm feeling like a bloody sore loser right now.

I sincerely apologize for all the bitter words and spitefulness I have shown lately. I regret all the bitchy posts, but I won't take them down just yet.

There must be a reminder of how low I can sink, and when it's time to stop being childish and vengeful.

I'm 19, I'll be an adult in 2 years. I don't want to grow up, but I have to.

We all have to. (: It may not be time for others yet, so I'll leave them to their malice and spite. But it's time for me to leave that behind and just learn to be self-sufficient and not react to others.

:)

I hope I can do it.

Bitch rant

Just cause I need to get it out of my system.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Garena CS room is so full of idiots and assholes that I...ARGH!

*rendered speechless for a moment*

Types of people I met today:

1. Curses at you for no reason and talks about sex with your sister/mother/any female relation randomly.


Example:

2. Insults people 'listed' from other countries but no doubt are Malaysian or Singaporean. The best part is that they insult their english with even worse english which is so embarassing I don't know what to do.

Example:

By the way, it's Uzbekistan, asshole. No wonder you can't pronounce it right.

3. English-educated people who think they are fucking superior just because they can speak english better than the ahbengs. AND they must use perfect capitalization and punctuation to show off their linguistic prowess. I say fuck you nerd, this is garena, not a bloody english exam. I bet I could spell better than you, only I don't feel the need to shove my superiority down everyone else's throats by correcting every single typo or grammatical error they make.

Example:

Yea, the perpetrator of crime #2 and #3 are the same person. And just last night, this person forcefully inserted himself into a conversation between me and a couple of friends. (And yes, it is the same person using a different id. His douchebag aura cannot be mistaken.)

We were planning a gathering of CS kakis at ftz at the end of the year, which was what I was telling tubbie about. Tubbie and Dev (Xue) were complaining that subang was too far. I said that it was to make it more convenient for the klang kaki to come (ie Helyna) as most of us can drive/have transport and she doesn't.

And this random fella comes and invites himself along. Wowza. I didn't even know we were friends! Damn thick skin wei. -__-

Anyway, because I'm being extra nice today, let me show you a picture of this wonderful guy. It's a profile picture so I guess it's meant to be shown to the public anyway :/

Yay! A statement shirt and the finger! What a cool person you are!

And since you nitpick on everyone's spelling, grammar and punctuation, let me pick yours to bits!

Regular people don't spend half their night trying to assimilate into a foreign crowd, nor the better part of the day scolding people whose english is not 'on par' with yours. Or scolding strangers when it's none of your business. NERD.

And before you scold people sohai for requesting help with 'walking with ducks,' learn to differentiate between 'pose' and 'post,' and spaces come AFTER punctuation, not before.

Suck it la, nerd. Oh wait, let's not insult the nerds. Suck it la, ASSHOLE.

It is true that I laugh at ah bengs when they butcher english, but I certainly don't insult them (sohai, retard) unless they lansi or are trying to argue with their broken english.

This dude cursed at a stranger who was asking for help nicely. -__- His sense of superiority is ridiculous.

And guess what? If he reads this, he'd be spending all night picking out my grammatical and spelling errors while telling me that 'it's facebook after all, why should I be so uptight with my english?'

Bah. I guess it's more important to show your kehebatan at english at GARENA then, huh?


And yea, he should feel pretty flattered I took a chunk out of my time to rant all about him. He's just so annoying I had to do it.

Babies

Just a random thought. I remember browsing through the internet and stumbling upon numerous webpages where you can mix faces together to create a new face.

In effect, you can mix your face with another guy/girl's to see how your baby would look like.

They used some 'averaging' technology or what shit to merge the two faces together and produce your 'offspring.' Apparently research also says that the more different the two parent faces are, the more beautiful the child will be. Nothing to do with how good the parents look at all. o_O

Well I don't really understand it but it got me thinking to how MY kids would look like.

HA!

If we 'averaged' down me and my boy's features we would get a child that has:

-Big eyes

-Sharp nose

-Medium-sized upturned lips which may or may not be full (mine are super thin and tiny while his are full and wide)

-A heart-shaped face

-Crooked teeth (damn bad genes on both sides T__T hello braces)

-Relatively straight eyebrows

-Thick, black hair with 2.5 whorls on his/her scalp

-Height of ~5 foot 7.5 inches

-Weight of ~48kg

-Big hands

-Average sized feet

-Broad shoulders

-Small boobs (oh dear lord, kesian if it's a girl)

-Flat tummy

-Medium-long legs

and not to mention..

-SERIOUS gaming tendencies

Haha! Of course I'm not thinking about having kids yet. Don't be silly. But it is always fun to think about how your future child would be. I think I want a girl.

We're gonna train her to be this kick-ass gamer that'll win so much money off tournaments that she doesn't ever have to have a 'real' 9-5 job.

Of course, she's gotta be smart and independant with a kind heart too. :D

Also, I'm gonna groom her to be this super hot supermodel with everyone drooling after her, but with enough integrity to not abuse the power of her beauty.

AND she's gonna be so smart that she's gonna ace it throughout her whole school life (not getting a real job does not mean not getting a real education) without studying.

And she'll be nice and filial to her parents and loyal to her friends (none of which are bad influences, she's smarter than to fall in with a bad crowd.)

Okay. I'm sorry I'm making my unconceived child feel so pressured to be perfect. I bet we won't be perfect parents too. :)

But we can always dream la. And who knows? 30 years later, I may be dealing with an uncontrollable, rebellious, bimbotic and stupid child and I'll be tearing my hair out everyday.

Then I'll look back on this post and snort at myself. PAH! Wishful thinking!

I fear I'm never going to be as good a parent as my parents were. I may not have been the perfect child that they wanted, but I guess I'm doing pretty alright so far. (I think?)

After all, I'm doing well in my studies, I've outgrown the talking back phase that I was stuck in during my preteens, I can hardly bring myself to lie to people I care about, I don't spend money like water (although I DO like to shop, I have only overused my allowance ONCE, and I cut that out from next month's budget anyway)

I don't do drugs, I don't club often, I don't smoke, I'm not a drunkard, I don't gamble.

I don't torture kids or animals. I don't vandalize. I don't hit people.

My main vices are gaming for long hours and not eating/sleeping at the proper times. Other crappy things about me would probably be:

1. Temper (If you've been on the receiving end, you'll know. And if you don't, it's better that way)

2. Swearing (but much much much less now compared to last time :D)

3. Slacking (I coulda been first female Msian prime minister already if only I really TRIED)

4. Procrastinating (19-year-old without a driving license HAHA)

5. Tendency of being 10 minutes late wherever I go (I can wake up 30 minutes early for class and still be 10 minutes late, although it's only a 10-minute walk away from home -.-)

6. Clouded judgement (when I'm angry or upset, I simply CANNOT see things from other people's perspective until I've calmed down somewhat)

7. Irresponsible (when it comes to certain things. But still okay I guess D:)

8. Inept at socializing. There have been many occasions where I've passed up a chance to be around others and meet new people but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't like strangers :(

9. Too critical of others. Honestly, there are VERY few people that I really, truly, completely like. Somehow I find myself picking out people's flaws and I get bothered by them.

Some pet peeves:

- People who are CONSISTENTLY more than 30 minutes and DON'T apologize when they show up

- People who ffk (no-show) and don't bother giving an explanation

- People who are careless about money. Tau you very rich la, but you don't have to throw around money unnecessarily in front of us.

- People who buy branded stuff just cause it's branded (even though it's ugly and has shitty quality)

- People who buy expensive things without doing research/price comparisons

- People who ask you questions ALL THE TIME because they are too lazy to look up the answers themselves

- People who smoke and try to justify their habit with 'stress.' You're the only person who is stressed is it? Nvm la, I'm sure killing yourself faster will alleviate your stress.

- People who come to you to whine and complain and rant but who are never there/inattentive when YOU need to unload

I know I should be the last person to nitpick since I'm no perfect soul myself, but I guess this is just one of my many flaws. Hell, maybe I'm someone's number 1 pet peeve right now!

:/

Maybe that's why I don't make friends easily, much less bother to keep in touch with them. That alone may make me seem like a horrible, cranky, fussy and snobbish person, but hey, you're entitled to dislike me as much as I dislike you.

But one type of friend I will always love and appreciate - those that treat me well because they care for me and not because it is 'appropriate' or socially acceptable to do so. I will always try to be as good a friend to you as you are to me :) I may fail, but I try.

Man, I sound like an asshole.

How did talking about babies come to this? I guess I'm unfit to be a parent as of yet :P

Imabitch

Yea. I'm so irritable and tetchy that I irritate myself!

Donno PMS or whatshit wei. Today almost everything and everyone pissed me off.

Some people really need to have some tact. Over these few years, I've run into so many people who straight away tell you what's wrong with you. I tell you ah, if I said what's on my mind EVERY time I thought of something negative, everyone I know would have broken down crying because of their destroyed self-esteem. And yea, I'd have no more friends, lol.

I mean maybe one day I'll go out with a friend I hadn't met in a long time and he dyed his hair orange-brown. You know how I hate orange hair, right?

But still, if he's clearly happy over his newly lala-fied hair, I'm not going to crush his joy by telling him he looks hideous, right?

And I'd spend my whole like telling people they are dumb, stupid, ugly, have bad taste, have no individuality, have BO or whatever and then everyone's just gonna be all sour-faced and grumpy.

THAT is why you keep your mouth shut. You know when your parents used to tell you 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything'?

Yea. That pretty much applies here. I mean, sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Maybe what you think is a gorgeous hairband looks like a fucking tumour on your head to me. But I'm nice. I'm not going to tell you it's horrible because you're my friend and you like it and it makes you happy right?

Criticizing someone negatively does nothing but chip away at their self-worth.

So why do you do it? Can't contain your inner bitch, hai mai?

I mean it's different if someone asks you your opinion on something and you give an honest response. But to walk to someone and say 'hey, you look like shit!' What the fuck?

And I hate it when people follow trends mindlessly. It's like a farmer pulling a cow around with its nose ring. Cow = you; farmer = media.

Oh I'm going to wear this, and listen to this band and rave about this movie because the fucking magazine/newspaper/blog told me so. Don't you have a mind of your own?

I mean, of course people may happen to agree with the mass perception that so-and-so is hot and the rest is not. But when I see people just blindly following trends like some brainless bimbo I really want to smack them upside the head to see if it's hollow, since it is clearly devoid of any personality.

I'm not encouraging rebellion or those stupid punk/emo 'i'm an individual, you can't stereotype me' shit, because you ARE a stereotype. Guess what, people have been there, done that. You are not a rebel. You are following people's definition of 'rebel.' Hence, you are a conformist. Sucker.

I wear black to show my disdain for the ever-deteriorating society blablabla - I'm a intelligent person who is better than all of you because I know how to moan and whine in a vaguely political way. Congratulations, you have just fallen into yet another stereotype known as 'righteous arseholes'.

Or, 'ohmahgawd look that chick's wearing socks and sexy heels! What a fashion FAIL!'

Then 1 month later, you see socks and heels on the runways and suddenly it becomes 'edgy' and 'hip' and you immediately run out to fill your closet with schoolgirl socks and strappy heels.

Well, congratulations on having such a fashion-forward mind.

I don't care what the magazines or models or designers say, strappy heels and slouchy socks will NEVER, EVER look good. Crocs will always and forever be hideous and the classic sign of a douchebag/herd mind.

WOW! Professional model + professional photographer + branded product = I. Must. Get. This.

Fashion editors are probably laughing behind the desks saying 'ha, bunch of suckers!'

Have fun looking hideous. Have fun being 'individual.'

Next time you're on the receiving end of my best bitch-face, know that you deserved it because you have done it to me too. I may behave more mildly and look more bimbotic now than I was not long ago, but that's just a fucking facade.

I can still give as hard as I get and you'd best not fuck with me because although I forgive, I don't ever forget what you do or say to me although I may pretend to.

:)

Good night.

UT3 Mod

This is uploaded for my dear bf yang jakun pc cannot read .doc or .pdfs :P

The rest of you may skip it, or if you are curious about my assignment, can skip the whole wordy intro to the screenshots below. :)

Or you can read the intro anyway to understand the level better. XD

Also, the level is nowhere near completion, so please don't nitpick about textures that don't match or bad lighting. All will be redone and the empty space is going to be filled up with static meshes (basically preset objects within the Unreal Editor,) but at the moment it's rather empty. (:

The map is made using the Unreal Editor for Unreal Tournament 3. Our assignment is to design a working game mod, complete with story, layout, weapons, bot capabilities etc. I'm working on the final level (out of 3) where the final battle takes place.

It's not as easy as it sounds, but it is a whole lot of fun. Most enjoyable assignment EVERRRR <3 And I get to play it too :P

Without further ado, here we go!

Alienate: Final level design – The transmission building

The transmission building is where Alisha has to battle her way to the transmitter and survive until help arrives. The level is contains three floors – the ground floor where she enters the building (spawn point); the basement where numerous health and armor boosts as well as weapons will be placed; and finally the top level which is made up of walkways parallel to the walls which will lead Alisha to the transmission room and escape.

Ground floor:

The ground floor is a relatively open space, exposed to attacks from above. I will put in more static mesh ‘junk’ later on, probably breakable boxes and some electronic equipment to give the player some cover.

Basement:

The basement is basically 2 hallways laid out as concentric circles surrounding a platform in the middle of the floor. The platform will contain something valuable – a powerful weapon or or a strong armor or health boost. This platform is relatively easy to get to; it is accessible from the ground floor where you can jump through a hole in the floor, or even leaping from the top floor’s catwalks. However, due to the valuable nature of the item the platform will contain, it is designed to be vulnerable and slightly difficult to escape. The platform will be surrounded by a damage volume (visually depicted as acid or lava – yet to be placed) and is vulnerable through horizontal silts in the walls. To escape, one must leap over the damage volume through one of three very narrow corridors.

More junk will be added throughout the hallways later on. Lighting is dim to allow the player to hide and surprise incoming enemies due to poor visibility.

Top floor:

The top floor gives near perfect vision of the ground floor. However, it is also vulnerable to attacks as it is very open, with barely anything to hide behind. This is to make it challenging for the player to reach the transmitter room. Stretching across the level is a vent, which grants the player some cover, as well as contain a shortcut into the transmission. However, this vent is dangerous as one would be exposed to attacks from both end of the vent should multiple enemies appear at the same time.

Screenshot 1: View from top floor.

Screenshot 2: Looking up from the ground floor.

Screenshot 3: Light shining down into the platform in the basement.

Screenshot 4: Ramp leading into the basement.

Screenshot 5: Looking through the two concentric hallways to the platform in the center of the basement.

Screenshot 6: The platform in the basement. The weapon pickup factory is just a placeholder – to be replaced with more practical items later.

Screenshot 7: The outer circle of the basement. The outer wall is lined with pillars to give limited shelter and blind spots.

Screenshot 8: The jump pad linking the three floors. There are two separate physics volume – one for each floor. The player – with proper control – can exit at the floor desired. Each physics volume is located between each floor. The player can exit at the first floor if needed, or the player can choose to go to the top floor. There is a gap between the volumes, to allow time to exit at ground floor – if left too long, the player is caught up in the second physics volume and is sent to the top floor.

Screenshot 9: The ladder leading up to the vent

Screenshot 10: The vent. To the right is the turn off that leads into the transmission room. You have to crouch to get in.

Screenshot 11: The exit of the vent in the transmission room

Screenshot 12: The vent’s exit in the transmission room. I will place boxes that allow the player to climb up to it. Also, a grille will be placed over the vent that can be broken the first time the player accesses it.

Screenshot 13: A lift will be placed here to link the ground and first floors. The lift should be programmed to always return to the ground floor after use.

Screenshot 14: Looking out from the basement platform into the hallways.

Screenshot 15: Standing view from the basement’s inner hallway to the platform.

Screenshot 16: Crouching view from the basement’s inner hallway to the platform. Enemies will be visible. Skilled rifle players or snipers can shoot enemies from here.

Screenshot 17: Sniper’s view from the basement’s inner hallway to the platform.

Screenshot 18: Regular view from the top floor’s catwalk to the basement.

Screenshot 19: Sniper’s view from the top floor’s catwalk to the basement.

Constructive criticism from all parties welcome, especially from fps players :) Questions also welcome!