Flashback

!

Yesterday I stalked Henry in the DotA Clan War room and I saw Viv at the top of the list. Meh, premium member ma.

So, I was suddenly reminded of old times when she used to camp at the CW room talking and I'd laze around on the bed doing god knows what (forget studying.)

And I know people have been asking what happened between us - as Xestes| put it: 'you used to be so fond of her'

But I don't think people need to know the full story. My official statement since the incident is that I broke her and her boyfriend up.

I don't really give a shit as to what people derive from that. Relationship wrecker? My friends don't believe a single word although it came from my mouth - let alone hers.

One statement summed it all up - yet there was so much more behind it that you don't know about.

Simply put, I don't regret befriending her. She certainly showed me how to have fun and be completely reckless in words and actions.

She also taught me to treat people as they treat me - and that was the basis upon which we ended our friendship.

Too many times, I have overlooked the fact that she hurt the feelings of so many friends and people I love - simply because she never did it to me. Not directly.

However, it came to a point where her 'free spirit' and complete thoughtlessness threatened to wreck my integrity beyond repair and I'm glad I chose to stand my ground and not be bullied into submission.

And what happened was when the unstoppable met the immovable. Nothing. It just ceased to exist.

Only when I saw the smug and relieved expression on the faces of my family and friends did I know exactly how much they despised our friendship.

I always knew they weren't happy but I didn't really care. It's MY friend after all, not theirs.

Too long have I been the dominating one in friendships, that I relinquished all control and let her lead the way for once. 'Go with the flow' took on a new meaning as I turned a blind eye to certain things that she did, however much I resented it.

I'm sorry to those people I hurt and disappointed in the process.

But whatever it is, I am always open if she needs a friend and she has changed.

Which is pretty much easy to tell.

If she hasn't, she'd be scoffing at this post and saying how insincere it is and how I'm just faking it for sympathy. Or pretending to ignore it and talking shit about it later.

Uh huh. Predictable huh.

But if something has changed, she'd start to see how much she has hurt the feelings of people who love and care for her.

I am still fully convinced of my innocence in the incident and however much she calls me a bitch, a whore, a backstabber, a betrayer, I will never feel any guilt whatsoever and I'm sure anyone who knows about our friendship will understand that.

Lesson #1: Treat others as they treat you.

Sorry. That's the only lesson from you that I thought was worth learning.

I wish you well.

I hope you will find someone to love that truly loves you.

I hold no ill will, but indifference - acknowledgment of our past friendship, but no regret over ending it.

I miss the great, wonderful, wacky, insane things we did together, but I don't miss the bad blood.

Shameless fun is not worth putting others down.

I wasn't kidding when I said I could just drop a friendship and move on. Amanda asked me:

"Will you still talk to me next year then, when we're doing different degrees?"

Honestly?

"I don't know. Maybe."

There are so few of my friends that I actually care for very deeply - if you know who you are, good for you :D If you don't, never mind. I'd rather not be portrayed as an overly affectionate person who throws my all into a friendship.

But I still care.

Always do.

Invisihack!

Ahahah Sam, Henry and I were fooling around in CS today.

There 4 of us in dedust_2 - 3 of us and 1 stranger, Kyle.

So basically it was 2 on 2 - Sam and Me vs Henry an Kyle

Then, the sozai Henry got this idea of pretending he had Invisible Hack.

He told us to pretend we couldn't see him and then he went to plant the bomb at A.

"pretend like cannot find!"

So Sam and I ran all over looking up and down, round and round while Henry ran alongside us watching - INVISIBLE!

Then I ran away while they both got blown up.

"say wtf invisible bomb!"

Sam and I obliged.

"wtf???"

"invisible bomb??? wtf hack meh? noob host!"

Then the guy was like:

"Funny game, this."

I went "HOST INVISIBLE HACK LA. we cannot see him very funny meh? so unfair la!"

Then we kept running around and Henry kept killing Kyle, while Henry walked past and we both pretended not to see him.

"eh, later i walk past you shoot me then i will shoot randomly."

So I walk from bombsite B towards CT spawn and Sam walked past Henry, and Henry started firing with the silencer on.

HAHAHHA Sam act like kena shock, then start firing randommly until Henry killed him.

Then of course I act like Sam kena possess then start shooting randomly in that direction also. Then Henry shoot shoot I turn around BANGBANGBANG.

Then he stop then I pretend damn confused keep turning around, shooting hiding spots. Then he shoot me again then I BANGBANGBANG then he killed me.

I'm sure the Kyle must be laughing pretty damn hard LOL.

"diu lei noob host, dont hack la. so unfair oOo"

Then got one time I was shooting at alley tunnel door, while Henry was running like a sozai right in front of me. I kept shooting outside pretending like I thought he was there when the sozai ran right into my crosshair and I headshot him. HAHA.

"sei la lei, so noob la host. invisible also die la. chaohai noob host!"

"you see la! next round I knife you mou?"

"diu lei"

Next round Sam and I ran up the alley and killed Kyle, then Henry knifed Sam at the bottom of the alley. I shot around while Henry kept slashing me.

Then he finally killed me and the Kyle cannot tahan. He was like "host don't hack la. very unfair!"

LOL My acting sibeh good leh! Shoujld have recorded demo AHAHHA damn kesian that Kyle he really believed Henry had invisible hack.

"but i can see him wor."

"i dunno la, maybe opponents only cannot see. diu leh how to shoot if i cannot see him? wtf got such thing?"

Then Henry planted silent bomb at A side while we were there.

"run to b! run to b!"

I ran to B site and met Sam, then we both ran back to A, looking for the bomb, and it was too late all 3 of us exploded HAHAHAHAH.

Then after I left Henry went to join Sam, leaving Kyle alone. Then Sam distracted Kyle so Henry can knife him from behind.

"host you still invi meh???"

LOL HE TOTALLY BELIEVE WEI LOL!

Must have been there to see la. Fucking funny ok. Lol Sam and I actblur damn pro. Henry pro at acting lansi LOL.

Ahah, another day spent sleeping and fooling around with kawans. :D

I love holidays!

STRESS!

Can you be stressed and not know it? :O

I didn't really feel the pressure, I mean I was working up to 6 am at one point (because I was gaming earlier) and sleeping 3 hours a day but I pretty much felt like I was breezing through the shit my classmates were going through.

I mean Amanda didn't sleep for 41 hours one time - having to hand in 2 consecutive projects and most ppl were camping at the library feverishly finishing work while I sat at home humming while I worked.

I only skipped one class too! And that was cause I had horrible can't-even-sit-up-let-alone-cut-a-mountboard kinda cramps and decided to sleep in.

How would I know that I'd end up being really nasty to friends, picking fights with my bf over tiny little things and finally crying after ranting to my mom about my work and lecturers.

And I thought I was handling it so well. -______-

I guess I owe everyone an apology for being such a miserable little bitch lately without even knowing it then. Hindsight is 20-20.

I pretty much suck. Lol. :(

So sorry sorry sorry.

Anyways, I spent like, 80 dollars just on 3 assignments the past few weeks. Wtf man. It's just PAPER and some fineliners and odds and ends. -___-

I wish I could crossbreed super-fast growing trees (yes, faster than bamboo) so I can grow my own and sell it to people for $$$

Anyway, I had a conversation with Julian today about CS and totally spit out a chunk of frozen yoghurt while I was talking - I may have long hair now but I'm still the crude barbarian I was back then in primary when teacher wrote 'cu lu' on my report card.

No 'good work, keep it up' or even ' try harder next time.' NOOOO I got CRUDE. CLUMSY. BARBARIC.

abcdefgh

But anyway Julian asked me whether I used cheats when playing CS.

So I was like what cheat? Impulse 101? 102?

Nono, he said, autoaim that kind.

AHAHAHAHA NO MAN D:

Whyyyyyy would I use autoaim D: I'd rather go down in nooby glory than be scorned as a hacker.

Lately there are so many hackers around it almost ceases to be funny. Almost la. Sometimes there are still some jokers around - witch doctor permabouncing stun? Lion OHKO stun? Wallhack? Aimbot?

Cheebye noobs.

TOMORROW I'M GOING SHOPPING.

HEHEHAHHEHAHEahHA.

Last day of term, then a whopping ONE week holiday.

Yay, I guess.

If it weren't for every single lecturer reminding us that we SHOULD NOT treat this as a holiday, but a time to SLEEP-IN before pulling allnighters.

PARTYPOOPERS!

Okay then. Allnighters lo. Gaming until 8 am counts for me :)

Ehhh why can't I be more ladylike wei? I still drool when I fall asleep in class and I spit food out when I talk and I trip over absolutely nothing on the ground.

I said that my classmate's magnified rendering of a gold earring looked like a bright gold sperm and I STILL can't sit with my legs closed.

WHY WHY WHY D:

Some days I love myself for being like that, but some days I go: WHY AM I LACKING THE FEMININITY THAT OTHER GIRLS HAVE?

I mean put eyeliner on me and I'd look like I'm in drag.

People said I have long hair and look prettier now that I wear clothes other than giant t-shirts and jeans but I DON'T ACCEPT IT.

I mean I accept the compliment thank you but I STILL feel like a clumsy tomboy stuck in a girl's body.

It's just as well I don't have big boobs or I'd wonder what to do with them when I wanna run around all manically and they just look awful bouncing up and down like 2 inflatable cushions. :S

But I wish I could have a pair though. :/ Just to see what it feels like. Hell no I'm not gonna grab a friend's nice boobs just to see what it feels like. That'd be kind of rude and privacy-invading not to mention sexual harassment. Hey Ling and Sui and JL have nice boobs. Spare a grab? :D

Okay, I'm starting to say weird things now :o To clear any confusion of my sexuality I state that I'd grab my boy's package any day over prodding some girl's boobs.

I'm just curious.

:o

AHAHAH that day I went to Lambs to get souvlaki with Jimmy after skipping class together - oops there goes another class - and I didn't have cash so he said he'd pay for me first.

So we ordered and he gave me 20 bucks to pay while he went out for a smoke.

I gave the guy my cash while the lady made our souvlakis and when she was done, she handed them to me and passed me a stack of napkins.

"For you, sweetie."

"Thank you!"

She pressed another bundle into my hand.

"For your boyfriend."

HAHAHAHHA!

"He's not my boyfriend."

Then she gave me a YEAH YEAH RIGHT look and said:

"For your lover."

Then she just walked away!

The cheek!

LOL I told Amanda about it and we both couldn't stop laughing, saying that die also cannot imagine Jimmy as our boyfriend. I mean he's a nice guy, but he a little THICK in the head, if you get my drift.

She said that she went to church with him one weekend and on the way home she had to run to the tram stop because the tram had already arrived.

Then one random guy on the street hollered:

"Oi! Don't run so fast! You left your boyfriend behind!"

HAHAHAHA WHY DOES JIMMY LOOK LIKE EVERYONE'S BOYFRIEND? XD

Arghhh I feel damn geli thinking about it lol. D:

Anyway my sweet adorable REAL boyfriend sang me his spontaneous modified version of 'liang zhi lao hu' just now cause I was goleking on the bed with a headache.

It went something like this:

yi zhi darling (one darling)

yi zhi darling

hao ke ai (very cute)

hao ke ai

yi zhi shui zai chuang shang (keep lying on the bed)

dan shi bu yao shui jiao (but refuses to sleep)

zhen qi guai (that's so weird)

zhen qi guai

AHAHHA FUCKING CUTE RIGHT! T_T

Maybe only I find it cute but whatever it's my blog only my opinion matters.

I wish I recorded it arghhhhhhhhh!

Mush mush baby I love you silly boy X)

GG SO CUTE /drool drool

Ahh shit I've been such a bad stalker gf. Babe don't kill me when you see this HAHAHAHA /me runs away

Time to sleep.

Wan an people :D

Pics

As someone requested, pictures:

Cause I love Sheepy, my second child.

My not-so-new sunnies. New last semester la.

Yes that's a pimple. Fuck photoshop and fuck your fake flawless skin, I'm human, I have pimples one ok. @__@

Free Boost Juice because I'm Stephanie. Thank you Den for naming me as such. Btw, Boost has an outlet in KLCC food court. Dunno nice or not but the Aussie one owns.

Slurp.

New top and shorts. No, they aren't meant to match, I was trying them on only. Yes I'm aware that I'm still bony and my hair is as messy as ever. I should learn how to smile and be more girly. Still look like I wanna tagao ._.

But whatever, I got a bf looking like this anyway so sucks to you ^___^v

New coat 20$

New boots 45$

No I'm not that interested in learning how to pose unless you pay me to model. I love my coat.

Okay that's all I don't take many pictures, so enjoy what you have.

Byebye I pergi buat kerja damn late edi.

Good night. :)

Anynoms...

Recently added an old friend who had a kid around 17. Doesn't seem to regret it is still happily together with her partner, now with a kindy kid in tow.

Gives me hope that lives aren't destroyed by having kids too young.

Enough with the shame and stigma of premarital sex.

Indian virgin brides are still being stoned to death for having a torn hymen on their wedding nights.

That just shows a defect in the whole system.

It's a personal choice, one that everyone should be free to make when they think that they are capable of rational decisions.

The more you forbid me, the more tempted I am. You're testing me.

Why must there be a fear that is ingrained so deeply that I can imagine my mom disowning me if I ever fell pregnant before marriage?

Why must this fear run so deeply when there are more important things than honour to hold a family up? What about love? Doesn't that account for anything?

Surely there must be a time when we can break free from the will of others and live life as we want to.

What does my ban on premarital sex entail?

What if I got married this year?

What if I never got married?

Virgin until death?

Huh? I don't understand it at all.

What if a woman finds true love at 45 and finally loses her virginity only then (not before) due to fear of her 80-year-old grandma's wrath - only to find she was infertile?

??? So many questions? Who's going to answer them for me?

Sex is not a crime. Sex based on love should is not something we have to be ashamed about.

Mom says, if he really loves you, he can wait. But what if YOU don't want to wait?

Teenagers are horny, so whatcha gonna do about it huh?

In any case, I still don't understand why people fear sex so much. Amanda still can't get over the fact that I can speak so freely about it; others wonder why I know so much.

That's because I'm interested. I read up on it because I believe that being well-informed is an asset and we should not dive headlong into things unprepared.

That said, I'm not a clueless teenager. Maybe people used to abstain because they wanted to make sure that the couple is married so the father has an obligation to support the upbringing of the child.

Now there's contraception.

There are more and more people with children born out of wedlock without having a big problem in their lives.

Don't misunderstand me, this is not my maternal instincts screaming for a kid - hell no I don't want a kid before I get a steady job. Nor is it my carnal instincts screaming for a fuck - if it was, I wouldn't even be here discussing it already.

I just want to know, why is sex such a taboo?

What is wrong with it? Is masturbation just as bad? I know so many people who do it, yet some people are still afraid of it, ashamed of it.

Is the problem here our lack of willpower and giving in to urges? Then wouldn't binge eating and anorexia be just as taboo?

No, it's just seen as a mental problem.

Why don't I just fuck my boyfriend and have you send me to a shrink for psychiatric evaluation?

Then I get pity and understanding nods AND my fucktimes.

I want my freedom of choice. I want to be free from the fear of being disowned.

:s Enlighten me.

p.s. Sammy, this does not mean you're getting lucky any time soon. I'm just musing. Mwah. xxx

A dose of hate

I hate people who:

- judge others by their taste in music

- judge others by their taste in books

- judge others by their taste in movies

Fuck you and your smugness. I listen to Britney and you can flame her all you like for being fake and unable to sing for her like. Just note that most of you probably have to vocal ability of a frog and 1/100000 of her income and showmanship. Bitter sods.

- steal

- steal and act innocent

- steal and act like a bitch when caught

Fuck off la we all know who you are and if you fucking give another 20 minute presentation I'm going to tell the lecturer to shut your fucking retarded ass up and stop using other people's allocated time.

- call me a whore

- call me a whore behind my back

- call me a whore behind my back when that person is one herself

Enough said. :o I'm a virgin and faithful, so don't talk cock when you fuck someone on the second meeting.

- whines about being a loser

- whines about being a loser and doesn't do anything about it

- whines about being a loser and praise you to high heavens to fake humility

No one wants to hear you whine. And false praise is no praise at all.

- lansi because they're a 'better' player than you

- lansi because they're a 'better' player than you and hacks

- lansi because they're a 'better' player than you and hacks and pretends to have beaten you when they know that's clearly false

Losers don't waste my time please.

- doesn't have a sense of identity and pretends to be someone different

- doesn't have a sense of identity and pretends to be someone different and thinks they're superior because they are 'unlike the conforming masses'

- doesn't have a sense of identity and pretends to be someone different and thinks they're superior because they are 'unlike the conforming masses' while actually conforming to someone else's idea of being 'different'

OH FUCK OFF LOSERS.

Acting all cool and detached isn't getting you anywhere. "I'm different blabla then you plebians living your 9 to 5 lives of monotony blablabla"

STUFF A CORK IN IT WON'T YOU?

Different like how? Different like the 2398423 other misguided 'different' people out there? Wow I read Homer and watch cult classics/documentaries instead of ANTM so I'm unique?

Yea yea. Unique like all the 'unique' people like you.

- religious fanatics

- religious fanatics who think they're superior

- religious fanatics who think they're superior and condemn me to hell

Who the fuck do you think you are? Jesus? Jesus forgives, not condemns people to hell. So who are you? God? Get out of my face la.

You go to church and praise god and then come home and tell me that I'm going to hell. Yes, what a fine advocate for God.

Yes I believe in God although I don't practise any religion; God will judge me, not you. So fuck off to those retards please thank you.

***

Whatever, hadn't let out my irritation for a while now so suck it up, bitches.

You chose to come here to read.

._.

Ha. Ha.

30 thumbnails due tomorrow for stream project. Fml.

Don't you LOVE that phrase?

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML

FUCK OFF BITCHES. .|.