Plateau

That's how Mizz JLWY described it. My life. Plateau-ed.

:/

I'm fine fine fine fine fine.

My family, social life, love life, education, finances, health.

Pretty much everything is looking good and bright on the horizon.

...which means I have nothing to bitch about. Which makes me, IMO, quite a dull person.

My mom is cool with my life. I go out with friends quite often now. I love my bf, he loves me. My course is a breeze - and a cool and enjoyable breeze at that. I've got leftover money from that 2.5 days that I worked last sem, so...SHOPPING! My hair is shiny, my skin is smooth (albeit wintry-dry) and I don't have dark circles beneath my eyes.

I'm pretty much at a stage in life where most people would like to be, I guess.

Nothing particularly good or bad that directly affects me has happened lately. Hence, the plateau.

The dreaded plateau of contentment that seems the ideal place to rest our teenage emotions, yet when you reach it, you find it unimaginably dull.

It's boring.

I sound like some horribly ungrateful person but that's how it is. I have nothing interesting to say. It's like my life is day after day of pleasant classes and pleasant friends and pleasant food and pleasant conversations with my boyfriend.

It's as if I've forgotten how to feel worry, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment when I'm in a perpetual cloud of contentment like this.

Although, I guess I can't really say I'm in a perfect cloud of contentment, given that I'm currently whining unjustifiably with discontentment over my state of contentment.

I guess some bitches have it all and still complain, right?

Alright. Stop pelting me with rotten eggs and tomatoes now, and I will commence the telling of the story of the most interesting thing that has happened to me since I returned to Melbourne.

I was asked out by someone.

A someone that I've known for approximately 1.5 days who knows I have a boyfriend, and is in love with someone else.

Yet, he still asked me out.

Huh? Well yeah, I'm confused too.

It started while I was working as a marker at the end of last sem. I, being my usual lethargic self, dozed off rather inconspicuously (as I'd like to believe) ...but not inconspicuous enough for the guy next to me to not notice.

He then began to chat nonsensically to me 'to keep me awake.' I thought he was just being nice and helpful so I thought nothing of it.

Later on, he went on to offer to treat me to a meal for my 'belated birthday' (it was one week prior to the convo,) try to talk me into taking extra shifts with him, promising to save me a seat for the next working day and wound up with my phone number.

He actually asked me to add him on facebook, to which I agreed, but he handed me his phone and while I tried to navigate around he said there was no internet, can he have my number instead?

Of course, since I was already holding the phone, it would seem like a bloody rude thing to do to refuse so I just keyed it in wordlessly and hoped nothing would come of it.

That night he messaged me and asked if I got home safely blablabla, which I pointedly ignored.

The next day he found out I had a boyfriend and things got slightly awkward - I skipped work to go shopping and we didn't speak much to each other after that.

I thought, well, phew that he took the hint and backed off.

So imagine my surprise a few days after I returned to Melbourne - more than 5 weeks after our first encounter - to find that my phone inbox had laid a mystery egg...from that guy.

I opened it with trepidation, wondering what on earth could he want. The text asked whether I still remember him, and asked how I was, how was Malaysia, did I enjoy it?

I stoned for a moment. I had forgotten all about him. I was shocked to discover that he still remembered my length of stay in Malaysia.

With Amanda's advice, I brushed him off again with the excuse 'sry can't text you , saving credit to call my bf." Pretty dismissive, right?

He then asked for my facebook, which I gave him to be polite. I didn't really want to ignore him totally as he was from RMIT as well and if I ran into him - AWKWARD.

He ended up attempting to ask me out many times on facebook and when I said hell no I have a boyfriend and I love him very much thank you, he deigned to ask me whether I would even CONSIDER flirting with him.

I replied 'no' shortly. He went on about how intelligent I was and how I'm really nice to talk to and my hair...my hair...was so...(in his words)

The fuck?

Lolz. But in the end when he realised it was pointless, I managed to dig up some juicy info about his exgf, and his current love, which was doomed from the start - they were from different castes, and therefore it was 'improper' for them to be together.

I am not sure if he's shitting me with his romeo and juliet saga, but I am fucking glad he stopped harassing me already. Maybe he's got my hint to go after the chick regardless of what their parents think and so, has forgotten me in the process. :3

He asked me out for a coffee again, saying he could make me fall for him and I just went -__________________-''

He persisted, but I didn't reply him (busy playing Binders) and I guess he took that as a sign that I was thoroughly fed up with him and his relentless advances.

Anyhow, he hasn't messaged since. :3

I don't know if it's my retardedly lala orange-gold hair or what, but lately there has been guys hanging around my back - god knows what they want.

Today, I noticed the guy sitting next to me having trouble accessing the class server, so I poked his shoulder and told him the proper username and password. He thanked me and I thought that was that.

After that, I noticed him staring at me a lot while I was talking to Tata (girls have imba peripheral vision), which I pointedly ignored. After class, he hung around behind my chair for a while, just hovering uncomfortably behind me as I was fiddling around with the 3D chair I modeled with Maya on the Mac.

"That's nice, I like your chair."

"? Thanks "

I turned back to my work.

"It's really good, I really like it."

"Uhh, thanks?" I replied without looking at him.

"Where are you from?"

I turned around again and looked at him properly this time.

"Malaysia. Are you local?"

"No, I'm from Peru."

"Oh, cool."

I turned back to my screen.

He hovered for a few more moments and left.

Geez. Awkward, yes? -.-

And that day, there was this cheena guy looking at me in Nando's. It seemed normal, I look at people sometimes too.

But after a while, he started getting up and walking past my table to get napkins to wipe down his table. (He had finished eating a while ago.)

Yes I said 'started' because he did that numerous times, despite the fact that there was nothing on his table already.

How many times do you have to get napkins to wipe down a 4-person table that only 1 person has eaten at? Did he sneeze all over the table or something?

I pointed this out to Amanda and gave him simultaneous incredulous stares (kuatnya!) and he finally left, after stoning in his seat a while.

Gee, what a way to get attention - by doing silly things LOL. I would be fair and say that he might have been trying to get Amanda's attention, but that was less likely as she had her back facing him. :/

AND! And! After he left Nando's Manda suddenly giggled and said that he had just walked back through the door and was pretending to study the menu. AFTER he had finished his meal.

Ahahaha wtf lameness.

Anyway, I will not be self-centred this time and just assume that he was a poor, lifeless soul who didn't want to leave Nando's cause he had nothing to look forward to after dinner. :(

And ooh ooh ooh impending love story between my girl friend and guy friend. This oughtta be good!

But I will always root for my dear mamanda, not that ghey lou!

Anyway, even now I can't really think of myself as pretty. I look in the mirror and I will always see that lopsided face and body, ghoulish body and unruly hair.

Maybe you guys can see past all that, but I grew up as the ugly awkward kid with buckteeth, pimples, flat chest and shitty haircuts (sorry mom. You have improved a lot now though!)

Even now when I have straight teeth, RELATIVELY clear skin, cute a-cup boobies and long orange hair, I still feel inexplicably unattractive.

Some of my guy friends have said that I will become a model one day, but I don't think that one day will ever come.

My girl friends laugh at my impaired sense of fashion and 'booblessness.' (The fuck la a-cup is still considered boobs OKAYYY!)

But you know what? Although I may never grow up to become a model or a hot babe, I am still happy with my face and my body.

Contrary to my occasional whining, I'm not that insecure about my small boobs or my height.

I am slightly iffy about my collarbones and shoulders though, but nothing sleeved shirts won't cure. After all, I have those bony chopstick legs that make boys and girls stare and make my relatives want to feed me a huge dose of fat.

Everyone has their ugly and pretty parts. But all in all, I feel pretty although I don't think I'm very pretty.

I guess confidence and self-esteem is all that matters. (And I have plenty of that!)

Yesterday Amanda told me that she wasn't pretty and that was why boys would never want to come after her.

I felt a little bit sad. Perhaps she thinks she isn't the traditional type of pretty, but I think she's pretty. Maybe she doesn't have double eyelids or a dainty chin, but when she smiles or laughs I think it's really attractive.

Standards of beauty are so high nowadays it's almost unachievable.

Fake tits, rhinoplasty, fake tans...in the end does it really matter? You're just going to end up a pile of bones and silicone anyway.

Sure, it makes you feel good about yourself, but I find that most girls feel good when they think other people find them attractive.

I've seen girls who do it all to be fawned over by men. Cleavage-baring tops, sexy/cute haircuts, tight jeans.

They have men salivating over them, and willing to do anything for them - demeaning oneself to make her happy? Sure! Spend my life savings to get her attention? No problem!

But in the end, I guess all a girl really wants from a man is to be loved. Loved for herself, and not her tits or ass or hair.

What happens when you hit 40 and your boobs are down to your navel and you have wrinkles round your eyes?

How are you going to survive without the attention of men, when you've built your life solely around that aspect?

And men...I don't know if they're really happy when they are finally able to call that hot chick their girlfriend. Does she love you? Or is she with you because you're the one who is most willing to spend shitloads of cash and time on her?

Either way, yay. Hot girl and hot guy = hot couple. Good for them if they love each other.

But sometimes, it isn't so. And that's just sad.

Pawns for each other - girl gets the money, guy gets the hot piece on his arm.

But yeah, we're young, we do shit like this. That's always the excuse. I'm young I can do whatever the hell I want, right?

Right.

Problem is, we get old.

Then, what happens?

Razer: FAIL

Dear Razer,

As an early birthday present last year, my boyfriend bought me this sweet keyboard:

The Razer Lycosa Mirror Edition.

Naturally, I was ecstatic. I remember feeling a sense of awe as I unboxed the Lycosa, watching its glossy finish gleam under the dim light.

For someone who prefers form over function, the sleek keyboard satisfied any superficial hardware cravings - who cares that it would be a mess of fingerprints within an hour? I could always wipe it, right?

I plugged it in and installed the driver. Falling in love with it's electric blue lighting and media keys - goodbye tabbing out from games to change a crappy song! - I gushed over how awesome and beautiful this keyboard was.

Of course, I loved it for more than its looks. There was also the sentimental part of me melting at boyfriend's thoughtful gift - he knew that I'd been drooling over it on the Razer website for a while. It was one of his most expensive gifts to me, and being in the early stages of dating, I was blown away.

However, a deep resentment is starting to build within me and my beloved Lycosa...or rather, its creator, Razer.

Any potential future owners of a Razer Lycosa, please be prepared for one or more of these situations to arise within the first 2 years:

1. The backlights blink randomly

- For no reason at all - and I'm not even NEAR the keyboard! - the lights will cycle through it's off, WASD, and fully-lit mode repeatedly. I have to manually switch the lights off to fix it; sometimes this doesn't even work and I have to unplug and replug the keyboard.

2. Random keys stop working for random amounts of time

- Luckily, mine never failed me during a game (yet.) However, it is unacceptable for Razer, with its reputation for quality gaming paraphernalia, to charge us a bomb and have us deal with malfunctioning products. How can you charge 79.99$ for a keyboard that can't even perform its most basic function - to TYPE?

3. Random keys flying off

- Okay, this has never happened while I was using it, but within 2 weeks of each other, 2 of my friends managed to make the same key fly off while typing normally. I can't really explain how it happened - and neither can they.

They were just typing, and somehow the key stuck to their finger and lifted itself clean off the board. I have never dropped or banged my keyboard before so the problem is definitely not on my end.

Also, I've bought keyboards that has lasted for donkey years without ANY of the aforementioned problems AND cost a mere RM19.90.

4. Restarts itself occasionally, for no reason at all

- It randomly stops and starts working again all by itself. I hear the sound of a USB being unplugged and replugged without me doing anything at all. This is HIGHLY irritating. Also, when this happens, the default media player is reset to Windows Media Player (I normally set it to iTunes) and I have to go and reset it.

5. Media keys unsensitive/don't work occasionally

- Sometimes when I press them, they do not respond until I tap them several more times. This is ridiculous because the keys are built for you to change songs in the midst of a game and I don't HAVE the time to do a finger-tapdance on the keyboard.

There were the 5 main problems I've encountered within less than a year and a half of owning this beautiful disaster.

I don't use the USB port often, but when I doI' plug my mouse into it, it tends to disconnect itself occasionally, which is INFURIATING because you don't want to lose mobility while you're busy 1v1-ing someone in CS, do you?

I've read other complaints online and people have also complained that the USB port simply fails - random disconnects and whatnot.

Also, the headphone jack is static-ky. I am not sure if this is the headphone's problem or the jack's problem, but both are Razer products so it's STILL their fault. I have to jiggle it a bit before I can get a clear sound and even so, it causes the keyboard to black out sometimes.

Other problems which are not manufacturing defects but may deter potential buyers (if you're not turned off enough by now):

1. Fingerprints. Ew. Can be wiped, but you just get fed up after a while and just use it in all its greasy glory.

2. The black lacquer chips off after a couple off months. I'm a girl and I have medium-length nails so I suppose it is inevitable. Now the blue light shines through where the paint has chipped off.

3. The little legs to prop the keyboard up have snapped off several times with little impact (brushing it against the side of my laptop, for instance.) It is easily fixed and I'm glad it's not damaged permanently, but I would expect something sturdier for the amount they are charging.

4. Once a key has fallen off, it remains permanently loose. So far, only 2 keys have fallen off - I retardedly vacuumed one off by accident, and the other fell off when my friends were typing (as mentioned above.) Both were remedied with a spot of super-glue though, so no hard feelings.

However, some people DO remove their keys deliberately to clean the inside of the keyboard, so I'm sure they will be extremely pissed off to discover that the keys will be loose after doing so. It takes very little for them to come off again - the key can easily stick to a sweaty/wet/sticky finger and follow your finger off the board (this has happened to me SO many times it pisses me off just thinking about it. Thank god for superglue.)

And that sums up my pretty long rant about the Lycosa.

The warranty period for all Razer keyboards is only 1 year, so I can't get a replacement. Also, no software fix has been created to fix the blinking light problem.

As far as I know, this problem has been going on for a long time (based on other user reviews,) so it is rather disgraceful for Razer to not act upon it.

I know I sbould always research thoroughly before investing in a pricey piece of equipment, but what can I say? I fell in love with it's sleek looks and even so, I didn't plan on buying it - it was a gift.

And for such a reputable gaming company, I would expect better quality and longevity of their product. It is such a shame that 20 ringgit keyboards can outlast this 280 ringgit piece of branded hardware.

Shame on you, Razer! Time to step up your game!

That said, I haven't had a big issue with their mice (I own a Salmosa SEA edition and an Abyssus - another gift from my boyfriend) save for the fact that my configurations are reset almost everytime the Abyssus is unplugged from the pc. I have to restart to pc to get my settings back to normal.

I also own a Razer Piranha headset (the first gift from my boyfriend) and its sound was not too shabby in the first year of ownership (it was secondhand.)

However, after dropping it numerous times, there now seems to be a mild static and fuzziness after a while. But I acknowledge that this is a result of my own carelessness. Also, it was previously owned by my boyfriend, so I cannot judge it not having known the prior treatment it received.

And yes, I have all the latest drivers installed, so don't ask. :)

So all in all, while I am fairly satisfied with the performance of my mice, I am deeply disappointed with the quality of the Lycosa mirror.

Please don't take these complaints as being ungrateful towards Sam's lovely gift. I love it so much and will always appreciate it because it came from him.

I am just deeply unsatisfied with the product - although it looks magnificent, in the end I still fare better with a 20rm ugly-ass Logitech.

That is the official end of my complaint.

Signed,

A severely disappointed used-to-be fan of Razer

Porn

I have a confession to make.

I have watched porn. Twice.

...okay that doesn't sound as bad as I thought it would, given that there are many people who watch porn on a regular basis and think nothing of it.

However, both times that I watched it was not because I felt unbearably horny and needed a release, but because I was curious. No, really.

The first time was watching midget porn on Perez Hilton. Having never watched any type of porn before, I thought it would be funny and...it was unfuckingbelievably hilarious.

It starts off with this girl sunbathing on a horribly construction 'beach' (think billboard background, sand and spotlight.) She starts to get comfortable and removes all her clothes, revealing these 2 monstrous, squishy boobs that jiggled around like water balloons when she lay down.

Of course, she's having so much fun sunbathing naked knowing that there's no one watching that she starts pushing and massaging her boobs for no apparent reason.

Then, 2 midget lifeguardscaught sight of this boobalicious babe and tell her that it is illegal to sunbathe naked. With a comically provocative tone, she exclaims that there must be SOMETHING she can do for them to not arrest her. (Covers mouth in mock horror and slumps defeatedly)

With the worst acting I have ever seen in my life, (save Bristol Palin in some shitty movie) the two midgets give each other a LOOK and quickly nod.

They moved their heads left to right in an exaggerated manner to check whether there was anyone around - think wide-eyed, high-school caliber acting - and promptly pulled their pants down.

They then start having their way with her, kneading her boobs in the most un-erotic way possible, and I found it fucking hilarious that she could give them blowjobs while lying down in the deckchair cause they are, after all, midgets and are of convenient height.

The most off-putting thing about the whole production (besides the shitty unnecessary lines, tasteless acting and lousy props) was the girl's horrible fake moaning.

OHH? OHH YEAH? UH huh YEAHH OH? OH? OHH? OH YESS? OH YEA OH? OH? OH?

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE EROTIC?

???

It's not even an OH YES! It's an OH YES? Like she didn't know whether she was supposed to be turned on or not.

It was so obviously fake and clinical it just made me shake with laughter.

-_-

All that while, I couldn't help but wonder...people find THIS a turn on?

I then decided that midget porn was probably a rather niche fetish, so I went in search of 'regular' porn - for research purposes only *whistles*

After roughly an hour of sifting through gangbang porn, 'underage' porn, sugar daddy porn, homemade porn and plain titsandass porn, I was left feeling let down.

Like...is THIS what people find so intriguing and excitingly forbidden at the same time? What the hell? I'd rather watch animals mating on National Geographic!

Maybe I've had a bad porn experience or maybe I'm simply too inexperienced to find A-grade porn. So, for MORE research purposes, I asked my bf (yes, I know he watches porn occasionally and I'm fine with it) to show me some of the 'good stuff.'

I ended up spending half the night staring incredulously/snorting in laughter/laughing uncontrollably.

WHAT THE HELL?

I thought porn was some exciting, foreign and dirty realm that I'd abstained myself from all these years to keep my mind 'clean.'

And when I decided to finally take the plunge and find out what the fuss is all about, I discover tasteless videos of obviously un-aroused porn stars in awkward positions moaning in the most annoying, whiny voices EVER. I'd rather listen to a baby crying in a plane! And you KNOW how irritating that is!

It's like a tween trying alcohol for the first time. After being kept away for it for YEARS, imagining it as a 'dangerous' and a 'teenage feel-good' thing, they finally have their first shot of vodka...and find that it is utterly repulsive, tastes like burning medicine and makes you nauseous after one too many.

Of course, people do grow to like alcohol once they get past the dry eyes/mouth, headaches etc so maybe I will learn to acquire a taste for porn one day. Not that I care to.

Now, whenever I think of something naughty I can't help thinking of that naked girl moaning like a strangled duck.

AaaAAAH AaaAHHH.

Thanks a whole lot, porn industry.

I'm still holding out the hope that I've simply had a few bad experiences with porn and that my peers aren't as tasteless and desperate as I thought.

My bf says I should stream online to find better quality ones (we watched a dvd) but I'm still skeptical. How much better can it be?

Anyway, I'm back to my non-porn-watching self.

Sigh.

I've been let down.

It's coming to an end

All good things do.

Went clubbing, went to Singapore, had a party, had Amanda and Samantha over from Miri and had a dentist inform me that I needed my wisdom teeth out.

DAMMIT.

I know that I should, lest 6...was it 7?...years of braces go to waste. Despite having 2 teeth removed from each jaw, my genetically small jaw still doesn't have enough space for the 2 new additions.

My teeth are being shoved around in my mouth like eggs in a basket. God forbid the teeth on my bottom jaw take on the dilapidated graveyard facade again. (Imagine tombstones placed haphazardly in a crooked line )

However, I'm still praying for the best - hoping that my retainers will hold out and keep my teeth in a straight line, at least. My bottom left canine tooth has already rotated almost 45 degrees in just a few DAYS.

Will wait until the end of the year to see...from experience, I know the roots of my teeth are roughly an inch long, EXCLUDING the tooth itself.

And that was just the premolar. Also, my wisdom tooth has to be cut into pieces and taken out separately due to its position...my gums will be cut and stitched back together.

After effects include swollen face, bleeding, possible fever, inability to open mouth wide, inability to close mouth properly, (wtf am I supposed to walk around with my mouth slightly open like a mouth breather?)...and PAIN.

...

Okay forget it.

Anyway, I PASSED Games Studio 1! With credit!

MIRACLE? YES, MIRACLE!

*dances around naked*

So here are my marks for Semester 1, Digital Art at RMIT:

Games Studio 1: 60 - Credit

Maths and Physics for Artists: 74 - Distinction

Imaging 1: 77 - Distinction

Introduction to Programming: 88 - High Distinction

Did slightly better than expected, but less than what I hoped for.

Also got a new team for Games Studio 2. Tim - who invited me to join got 49/50 for the final part of the group assignment for GS1...wtf?

???

My group got 29.5/50 and we got LUCKY. (I wonder if they docked the 5% in the end, as they said they would. If they did then we got 34.5/50 which is actually surprisingly good for a game that couldn't be finished.)

Anyway what happened with my group is a long story. Don't get me wrong, I like my group mates as friends but they were IMPOSSIBLE to work with as team mates.

Here are just some of the many problems I encountered:

- Arriving more than 2 hours after agreed meeting time, which THEY forced upon me (and I was the only one who arrived on time)

- Free-loading

- Inability to comprehend simple instructions and requests

- Not using the dozen or so maps that Tata and I fixed...I don't even know whether ANY part of the assignment reflected our work

- Putting our group assignment last in their list of priorities (didn't care, had part-time job, other assignments, time management problems blah)

- Program crashed 1982371831 times but this is probably the toolset's fault

- Arguing for the sake of arguing and wasting precious time (the night before the due date)

- Different standards (floating trees are NOT okay and they are NOT 'magical,' they just look like you didn't check the y-plane to see if they were on the ground - which you didn't)

- Lack of communication

I admit that I should have stepped up tried to make it better, but some of the things were really out of my hands. Imagine Tata and I spent x hours trying to fix Fandi's HUGE and illogical maps (75 degree incline on a walking path, anyone?) and the programmers conveniently 'forgot' to use them instead of the old EMPTY maps.

It's like watching our work being thrown out with the trash.

(And watching trash get put on a pedestal.)

And of course, they had more than a week to script but they chose the last possible day to start on it, and by the time we see the scripted game areas and realised that the wrong maps were used...it was too late to change them.

OKAY. I swore I'd stop talking about it already. But after graduating foundation with a high distinction average, this is a horrible blow to my work ethics and standards.

How did some of these people even manage to get into the course with their standard of work? HUH?

It's not my fucking fault that they can't cope with the HUUUUUGE *sarcasm* amount of work in first year.

Seriously. The amount and difficulty of the assignments is like 25% of what I went through in foundation year.

Mega PUI!

I hate group work.

Okay. -end of rant-

This holiday I also learned that:

1. Some people are best kept at a distance

.

2. Appreciate your childhood friends. Seeing them after so long, I realised that I really love them and that they care about me too.

3. I play DotA better with iTunes off.

4. Red hair dye fades bloody fast. (Faster than the time it takes to actually dye it)

5. People change - and always trust your feelings. If something a person tells you does not feel right, it probably isn't.

6. Even the most mild-mannered and jittery dogs can be territorial to the point of homicidal tendencies. (Sigh)

7. My webcam makes me 50% prettier than I really am. (All the more reason to camp at the pc)

8. I only tend to blog when I'm bored and want to feel sleepy, fast.

Mission accomplished. Good night.

Oh, and I love you baby!