Plateau

That's how Mizz JLWY described it. My life. Plateau-ed.

:/

I'm fine fine fine fine fine.

My family, social life, love life, education, finances, health.

Pretty much everything is looking good and bright on the horizon.

...which means I have nothing to bitch about. Which makes me, IMO, quite a dull person.

My mom is cool with my life. I go out with friends quite often now. I love my bf, he loves me. My course is a breeze - and a cool and enjoyable breeze at that. I've got leftover money from that 2.5 days that I worked last sem, so...SHOPPING! My hair is shiny, my skin is smooth (albeit wintry-dry) and I don't have dark circles beneath my eyes.

I'm pretty much at a stage in life where most people would like to be, I guess.

Nothing particularly good or bad that directly affects me has happened lately. Hence, the plateau.

The dreaded plateau of contentment that seems the ideal place to rest our teenage emotions, yet when you reach it, you find it unimaginably dull.

It's boring.

I sound like some horribly ungrateful person but that's how it is. I have nothing interesting to say. It's like my life is day after day of pleasant classes and pleasant friends and pleasant food and pleasant conversations with my boyfriend.

It's as if I've forgotten how to feel worry, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment when I'm in a perpetual cloud of contentment like this.

Although, I guess I can't really say I'm in a perfect cloud of contentment, given that I'm currently whining unjustifiably with discontentment over my state of contentment.

I guess some bitches have it all and still complain, right?

Alright. Stop pelting me with rotten eggs and tomatoes now, and I will commence the telling of the story of the most interesting thing that has happened to me since I returned to Melbourne.

I was asked out by someone.

A someone that I've known for approximately 1.5 days who knows I have a boyfriend, and is in love with someone else.

Yet, he still asked me out.

Huh? Well yeah, I'm confused too.

It started while I was working as a marker at the end of last sem. I, being my usual lethargic self, dozed off rather inconspicuously (as I'd like to believe) ...but not inconspicuous enough for the guy next to me to not notice.

He then began to chat nonsensically to me 'to keep me awake.' I thought he was just being nice and helpful so I thought nothing of it.

Later on, he went on to offer to treat me to a meal for my 'belated birthday' (it was one week prior to the convo,) try to talk me into taking extra shifts with him, promising to save me a seat for the next working day and wound up with my phone number.

He actually asked me to add him on facebook, to which I agreed, but he handed me his phone and while I tried to navigate around he said there was no internet, can he have my number instead?

Of course, since I was already holding the phone, it would seem like a bloody rude thing to do to refuse so I just keyed it in wordlessly and hoped nothing would come of it.

That night he messaged me and asked if I got home safely blablabla, which I pointedly ignored.

The next day he found out I had a boyfriend and things got slightly awkward - I skipped work to go shopping and we didn't speak much to each other after that.

I thought, well, phew that he took the hint and backed off.

So imagine my surprise a few days after I returned to Melbourne - more than 5 weeks after our first encounter - to find that my phone inbox had laid a mystery egg...from that guy.

I opened it with trepidation, wondering what on earth could he want. The text asked whether I still remember him, and asked how I was, how was Malaysia, did I enjoy it?

I stoned for a moment. I had forgotten all about him. I was shocked to discover that he still remembered my length of stay in Malaysia.

With Amanda's advice, I brushed him off again with the excuse 'sry can't text you , saving credit to call my bf." Pretty dismissive, right?

He then asked for my facebook, which I gave him to be polite. I didn't really want to ignore him totally as he was from RMIT as well and if I ran into him - AWKWARD.

He ended up attempting to ask me out many times on facebook and when I said hell no I have a boyfriend and I love him very much thank you, he deigned to ask me whether I would even CONSIDER flirting with him.

I replied 'no' shortly. He went on about how intelligent I was and how I'm really nice to talk to and my hair...my hair...was so...(in his words)

The fuck?

Lolz. But in the end when he realised it was pointless, I managed to dig up some juicy info about his exgf, and his current love, which was doomed from the start - they were from different castes, and therefore it was 'improper' for them to be together.

I am not sure if he's shitting me with his romeo and juliet saga, but I am fucking glad he stopped harassing me already. Maybe he's got my hint to go after the chick regardless of what their parents think and so, has forgotten me in the process. :3

He asked me out for a coffee again, saying he could make me fall for him and I just went -__________________-''

He persisted, but I didn't reply him (busy playing Binders) and I guess he took that as a sign that I was thoroughly fed up with him and his relentless advances.

Anyhow, he hasn't messaged since. :3

I don't know if it's my retardedly lala orange-gold hair or what, but lately there has been guys hanging around my back - god knows what they want.

Today, I noticed the guy sitting next to me having trouble accessing the class server, so I poked his shoulder and told him the proper username and password. He thanked me and I thought that was that.

After that, I noticed him staring at me a lot while I was talking to Tata (girls have imba peripheral vision), which I pointedly ignored. After class, he hung around behind my chair for a while, just hovering uncomfortably behind me as I was fiddling around with the 3D chair I modeled with Maya on the Mac.

"That's nice, I like your chair."

"? Thanks "

I turned back to my work.

"It's really good, I really like it."

"Uhh, thanks?" I replied without looking at him.

"Where are you from?"

I turned around again and looked at him properly this time.

"Malaysia. Are you local?"

"No, I'm from Peru."

"Oh, cool."

I turned back to my screen.

He hovered for a few more moments and left.

Geez. Awkward, yes? -.-

And that day, there was this cheena guy looking at me in Nando's. It seemed normal, I look at people sometimes too.

But after a while, he started getting up and walking past my table to get napkins to wipe down his table. (He had finished eating a while ago.)

Yes I said 'started' because he did that numerous times, despite the fact that there was nothing on his table already.

How many times do you have to get napkins to wipe down a 4-person table that only 1 person has eaten at? Did he sneeze all over the table or something?

I pointed this out to Amanda and gave him simultaneous incredulous stares (kuatnya!) and he finally left, after stoning in his seat a while.

Gee, what a way to get attention - by doing silly things LOL. I would be fair and say that he might have been trying to get Amanda's attention, but that was less likely as she had her back facing him. :/

AND! And! After he left Nando's Manda suddenly giggled and said that he had just walked back through the door and was pretending to study the menu. AFTER he had finished his meal.

Ahahaha wtf lameness.

Anyway, I will not be self-centred this time and just assume that he was a poor, lifeless soul who didn't want to leave Nando's cause he had nothing to look forward to after dinner. :(

And ooh ooh ooh impending love story between my girl friend and guy friend. This oughtta be good!

But I will always root for my dear mamanda, not that ghey lou!

Anyway, even now I can't really think of myself as pretty. I look in the mirror and I will always see that lopsided face and body, ghoulish body and unruly hair.

Maybe you guys can see past all that, but I grew up as the ugly awkward kid with buckteeth, pimples, flat chest and shitty haircuts (sorry mom. You have improved a lot now though!)

Even now when I have straight teeth, RELATIVELY clear skin, cute a-cup boobies and long orange hair, I still feel inexplicably unattractive.

Some of my guy friends have said that I will become a model one day, but I don't think that one day will ever come.

My girl friends laugh at my impaired sense of fashion and 'booblessness.' (The fuck la a-cup is still considered boobs OKAYYY!)

But you know what? Although I may never grow up to become a model or a hot babe, I am still happy with my face and my body.

Contrary to my occasional whining, I'm not that insecure about my small boobs or my height.

I am slightly iffy about my collarbones and shoulders though, but nothing sleeved shirts won't cure. After all, I have those bony chopstick legs that make boys and girls stare and make my relatives want to feed me a huge dose of fat.

Everyone has their ugly and pretty parts. But all in all, I feel pretty although I don't think I'm very pretty.

I guess confidence and self-esteem is all that matters. (And I have plenty of that!)

Yesterday Amanda told me that she wasn't pretty and that was why boys would never want to come after her.

I felt a little bit sad. Perhaps she thinks she isn't the traditional type of pretty, but I think she's pretty. Maybe she doesn't have double eyelids or a dainty chin, but when she smiles or laughs I think it's really attractive.

Standards of beauty are so high nowadays it's almost unachievable.

Fake tits, rhinoplasty, fake tans...in the end does it really matter? You're just going to end up a pile of bones and silicone anyway.

Sure, it makes you feel good about yourself, but I find that most girls feel good when they think other people find them attractive.

I've seen girls who do it all to be fawned over by men. Cleavage-baring tops, sexy/cute haircuts, tight jeans.

They have men salivating over them, and willing to do anything for them - demeaning oneself to make her happy? Sure! Spend my life savings to get her attention? No problem!

But in the end, I guess all a girl really wants from a man is to be loved. Loved for herself, and not her tits or ass or hair.

What happens when you hit 40 and your boobs are down to your navel and you have wrinkles round your eyes?

How are you going to survive without the attention of men, when you've built your life solely around that aspect?

And men...I don't know if they're really happy when they are finally able to call that hot chick their girlfriend. Does she love you? Or is she with you because you're the one who is most willing to spend shitloads of cash and time on her?

Either way, yay. Hot girl and hot guy = hot couple. Good for them if they love each other.

But sometimes, it isn't so. And that's just sad.

Pawns for each other - girl gets the money, guy gets the hot piece on his arm.

But yeah, we're young, we do shit like this. That's always the excuse. I'm young I can do whatever the hell I want, right?

Right.

Problem is, we get old.

Then, what happens?