T_T Paiseh!

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
lol when is ur birthday? May or June again? Sryyyyyy for forgetting... theres been so much on my mind

[Stefaniaaa] says:
omigod
T_T
yerr
yours is
april
20!

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
lol

[Stefaniaaa] says:
eh
no
HAHA

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
not xD

[Stefaniaaa] says:
march
marchhh

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
lol

[Stefaniaaa] says:
MARCHHH
20!

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
yea

[Stefaniaaa] says:
xD

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
lol

[Stefaniaaa] says:
i screwed the month
ew

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
no
march 22 xP

[Stefaniaaa] says:
omg
GAHA
THE DATE TOO
OMG
IM GROWING OLDDDD
T_T

Fr3@K-Must...have...Darkrai... says:
lol

***

And I always scold people who don't remember my birthday!
*cringes*
So maluuuuu =(


Song of the Day:

"Breakfast at Tiffany's - Oasis"

People used to call me Tiffany. How come they don't anymore? =/

OH! OH!
Countdown to my super 17th!
(For lack of a better adjective - it's 3.40 am, honey, forgive me)
TWO DAYS!

Despicable

Occasionally I wonder whether there exists a person who hates me to bone and wishes me nothing but ill and death.

I know for sure that there are people who really hate me, but pretend to like me - for what I have no idea. To maintain an air of peace, maybe?

wan play?
waiting for friend
Eee! i wanna play too
lol
then go play ba
i wanna play with you >.>
why?
you pro =]
swt
can can?
if you stop bsing
bsing?
bullshitting =/
=.=
did i?
we all know you think i'm freaking noob so you don't have to lie =]
o.0
fine then

There goes one.
He had been civil to me lately, so I tolerated him.
Don't be fooled by his docile manner of speech. The moment I turn my back he calls me a noob and a whore. What I ever did to HIM to deserve that, I have no idea.

Until now, I feigned ignorance over his constant backstabbing - he thought he could curse my name to high heaven and I wouldn't notice. =/

Well, now he knows that I know and I doubt that he will be as discreet as he once was when insulting me. =_=

Truthfully, there are very few people I actually trust completely.
There is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

Even Arief, who recently dumped Zerick AND Kayshaan simultaneously to play with me...I can't say he's fully on my side either.

I have sat there watching Zerick, Jie and Fariz curse me out.
He was there too. He didn't join in, but he didn't stop them either.
All he did was ask them 'how dare you talk about her here?' and to move it to clan chat.

Wow.
Public flaming.
Private flaming.
Much difference, thanks for your consideration.

Even Nicky. I don't think I could ever trust him completely - the moment he kept silent when Zerick told me to 'shut the fuck up, whore' I lost faith in him.
The way he sighed when I asked him why he didn't say anything and left me to fend for myself.
The way he put up with him for so long while he KNEW I was being victimised verbally for no solid reason.
The way he gamed with Zerick when he thought I didn't know - saying that he was 'practising with friends' and that 'he has cut all ties with Zerick.'

That is not to say, I will keep quiet when people are throwing insults at him left and right.
Not even for revenge.

Because I still see him as my friend. I can't blame him for being soft-hearted and hesitant to turn his back on a long-term friend for a new person.

And I know, I have done many things to piss people off.
But do I deserve that much hate?
Maybe I do.

But I rarely piss people off with intention - it just happens.
I only do it to people I really dislike.
And when I don't like a person, I don't normally hide my contempt for them.

Yet, it's human nature to preserve good appearances as long as possible.

So what I'm really pondering is how many people actually hate my guts - but pretend to layan me anyway.

I have changed considerably over the past few months.
Some people do not like that change, some embrace it.

I lose my temper more.
I swear more.
I merajuk more.
I ignore people more.
I demand more.
I expect more.
I forgive more.
I forget less.

As Yi Ling said, I've become more mean, more cruel, yet more sissy.
(Whatever that means.)

I hurt people with my words, often intentionally in haste when my temper is running hot.
People who know me better know that I don't mean it and they brush it off as 'one of Steph's tantrums.'

But some people have not taken to the newer version of Stephanie and they take these words to heart.

I am sorry.
People change. You just have to accept that.

Even Arief was shocked when I lost my temper and started swearing endlessly in retaliation to someone who was being an outright asshole.

And I was the one who made him impose and enforce the 'no swearing in games/channel' rule.

*guiltguiltguilt*

Until now, he has kept that promise; I took that promise and smashed it to tiny little bits in front of his face.

Good job, Stephie.
*pats self on back*
[insert sarcasm here]

Have I betrayed my principles?
Maybe.
Maybe I've just changed as a person.

I used to argue that swearing is meaningless and often nonsensical in nature.
For a while, I tried using proper language and reasoning to reach compromises between teammates and opponents.

Well.
After a while, you'd notice that proper English is completely, totally, utterly lost on Ah Bengs.

"Ignore them and play please, there is no point arguing. Better just keep quiet and farm."
"Huh? Wtfccb they all noob hai! Ham ka chan! No nid to play like tis la!"

You get what I mean. =x
Eventually I just gave in and started speaking AhBeng-ese, and yes it's works much better.

"Stfu la. Mahai you also not pro wat. Talk summore la! See you feed I then 7 fucking happy lo."
"Diu ni la niama, don't talk la bitch!"
"Leave. Or I'll tell all my friends to ban you and we'll see if you can ever show your face on GGC again with this id. =]"

That normally shuts them up (although it's an empty threat HAHA.)

But you see, sometimes, reason and rational thinking just doesn't work when the other party is completely HOPELESS at it.

So you could say I have changed as circumstances required.

Am I to blame?
Am I to be hated?
Am I to be rejected?

Whatever it is, don't hide your feelings towards me.
If you hate me, don't put on a false front and bear with me. Just tell me you want nothing to do with me and we can both get it over with.

Yes, I can be bimbotic and shallow at times, but we all have feelings, no matter how well we choose to hide them.

And here I present my main rules of friendship:

Don't backstab - eventually you will be discovered and there'll be hell to pay.

Don't brush them off unnecessarily - maybe it's just idle chatter...or maybe they really needed someone to talk to and it's you they turned to.

Don't leave them behind for someone else - this hurts more than you think.

Don't shut them out completely if they want to help - maybe they can, you'll never know.

Don't hold grudges - it's not worth losing a friendship over.

Don't ignore their needs - you're not the only one who can feel depressed and sick.

Don't make the world appear to revolve around you - your friend has a life they want to share with you too...listen, don't only talk. And also, talk - don't just listen.

Don't leave them to fend for themselves in a fight - your support means a lot, be it words of defense, retaliation or simply telling others to back off and mind their own business.

These are the basic guidelines to differentiate a friend from an acquaintance.
Of course, we can't all follow these rules are the time (I certainly don't =x) but we should try consciously to abide by them.

Appreciate your friends, humans!

=]


Song of the Day:

"Sexy Dynamite - The Orion Experience"

Yet again, I went off topic. Nothing new.

It's feels SO good to be baaaaaaaaaack~

I forgot which song that line came from, but that's the gist of this post.
Or it was going to be, when I planned it in my head - but knowing how I digress, probably not. (See, I'm going off-topic already T_T)

I just came back from the SY national seminar in Melaka over the weekend. I was thinking, hey, I should make a grand entrance and reenter myself into the lives of my friends that I have not seen in roughly 4 months. (We have never been more than a month apart before.)

Instead, I showed up groggy from a 2 hour nap in the car, bedraggled with my glasses slipping off my nose. Way to go! ;D

After leaving my friends for so long (around the time college started where I used to get so exhausted on weekends and the new centre in Sg Buloh seemed too far to endure the 1-hour ride to each weekend) I was amused to find things not the way I left it.

There seemed to be another boy-girl rift that happened years ago when each of us was hitting puberty, but you'd think that would be LONG over by now. Sash was telling me how mean Brandon was being to her and I was like 'eh, my little bro, cannot be la...'

Then she looked at me conspirationally and spoke in a whisper. "He has a girlfriend now."
I almost snorted. Doesn't he ALWAYS have some girl or other hanging off him ever since he was a kid? ._. Charisma and charm are powerful things, and he doesn't lack in either area. (Mwahaha, his head sure kembang la now)

Then she went on about them for a while until I was finally convinced that yes, my little Smith was being mean to poor Sash. =[

And Rohan!
Oh Ro! How could you have fallen into the tight-clothes-on-guys fashion deathpit? T_T
I spent a good moment staring at your pants hugging your butt and your tight shirt - out of sheer shock or horror I still don't know. =_=
Your clothes are tighter than MINE!
And I'm a girl!

Khaikhai hasn't changed much, except that he needs to shave now.
A furry neck can be cute at times - when its worn by a squirrel. ;D
You're growing too fast!

No one else seems to have changed much otherwise - the girls are pretty much the same.
It felt good to be back in their presence. ^^

It was bugging me exactly how much little boy Smith had changed until he conveniently reminded me that he had not changed much at all (in my eyes, anyway.)

"Steph. Come."
"What? I'm going to Laksh's place."
"Come!"
"=_= I'm goiiiiing to order McD's for supper nowww. Hungryyy!"
"Come la!"
"Why la?"
"I want to kiss you! =) Come la!"

At that very moment I knew he had not changed one bit.
Hahahaha.
I leaned forward and stared at him.

"And what would your girlfriend say?"
"Nevermind about the girlfriend la. Come, we're going to play futsal."
"Walao, never ajak me mehhhh?"
"You want ah? Come la! I didn't know you wanted to play."
"Of course I'd want to! =("

And that would be exact reason why, as I'm sitting right here right now, I'm aching from my waist to the tips of my toes.

=______= I am so. Not. Fit. At. All.

Due to silly and unexpected circumstances, I had to traipse across a field in complete darkness, alone, in the rain and without an umbrella. At midnight.

-_-

Thank God the futsal court was covered and lit.
Of course, due the rainwater in my eyes I couldn't see the people there well and I couldn't recognise the faces that I saw. I hesistated as I stepped out of the rain.

...who are these people? Walao they ffk me MEH?

I thought they were the same guys who were playing on the court earlier that evening - some 20-something-year-old guys who stayed at the place that housed the futsal court. (Later, they came down in their pajamas to watch. And they were staring at me. T_T Well ok. 1 chinese girl playing with 7 other indian/eurasian boys? Barefoot and in a t-shirt? Honestly, I'd stare too.)

Suddenly, everyone there turned and stared at me.
But of course. =_= Who wouldn't stare at a strange girl with her hair plastered to her cheeks with rainwater standing alone on a futsal field in slippers and shorts?

But it turned out those strangers were our opponents. ;D
Friends from another state that I vaguely recognise - maybe I've seen them once, or twice.

And YES!
I CAN still do it!
I can still playyyyyy xD

"When was the last time you played?"
"..."
"Eh, when la?"
"Erm...a...very long time ago."
"Ahaha, nvm. Just play la."

Even after being urged by Brandon to 'run around!' I stood in one place and only moved when the ball approached.

"Run la."
"I don't run. I don't want to. I have 0 stamina."
"o_O"

But yayyy! I can still save goals and steal the ball (occasionally T_T)
And childhood trauma really DOES exist.

I think Sash the boy (Sash the girl's little brother) and Rohan are still terrified about my kicking them in the shins. =_= (And yes, I used to do that a LOT.)

When I run in their direction to intercept them, they flinch. HAHA.
I hadn't even done anything yet!

And there was once where I was supposed to kick the ball to my teammate from my goal.
Rohan stood in front of me, ready to intercept.
I looked at the ball.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
He braced himself and instinctively used both hands to protect his crotch.
HAHAHA.

I just started laughing openly (I was the only one who could see that) and quickly passed the ball away while he was still looking at me quizzically. I think it was a reflex action; he didn't even REALISE he was grabbing his crotch and was instead wondering why I was laughing so hard.

XD

After a while, I shooed Brandon out of the goal so I can be the goalie for a while (so I can use my hands ;D)

But I was distracted by the net flopping over. =(
I turned around and reached up to try and straighten it...

...and suddenly the ball rolled in behind me as my hands were still outstretched toward the sky.

"...Ahh?"

I blinked.
The boys blinked.

"No goal. No goal."
"Ahaha...>_<"

I think my attention span has decreased greatly.

Plus, I was the only player playing barefoot - the guys all had football boots. =_=
Takkan I run in slippers right?
Initially it was ok.

I think the only person I didn't dare to tackle head on was Josh. T_T
Captain of his secondary football team wor. Factor in my tendency to trip over my own feet (let alone others') and you get a disaster in the making.

And I actually missed the ball a few times!

I pulled my foot back to kick.
I swung it forward hard and...missed?

NOOOO!
I lost my balance and stumbled forward. =_=
I think they were trying very, very hard not to laugh at me.
*sniff*
"Sorreeee."
I shuffle forward and make sure my foot came in contact with the ball this time.

And sometimes when someone came too near with the ball while I was alone...

"Go awayyyyyyyy! Don't come near me! T_T"
"Oh. Okok, sorry sorry."
"MWAHA!"

*steals the ball and runs away*

;P

And whenever someone stepped on my foot/kicked the ball at me REALLY hard:

"Omg I'm so sorry, are you ok?"
"O. Nothing de. I'm ok! ;D"

About an hour later and 20 'I'm ok!'s later, both my ankles went numb.

I started limping around the 30-minute mark.
Then I stopped when my OTHER foot got injured as well.

But yay! I'm invincible! I can still play!

Or so I thought at that very moment.
After a grueling 90 minutes, Shabari FINALLY showed up and I was like COME COME COME TAKE MY PLACE PLEEEEASE THANK YOU!

"Ow. Ow. Ow."

I hopped off the court and examined my legs.
Diu!
Both feet were swollen up to the ankle, and there was a small gash on my left ankle and what seemed to be a nasty contusion on the right.

But it's ok! I'm supergirl! I don't feel anything! Whee!

The next day, I ran on the field barefoot during the telematch. (I run much faster without footwear on.)

I cut my left foot open on a stone.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Mommy can I have a plaster?"
"Aiyo. What did you do now?"
"I ran and a stone cut me. =("

But NO! I'm still ok! Supergirl ftw!

And I truly was.

...Until now!
My body is ACHING! T_T

Oh, did I mention I had one hell of a night dancing like a mad person right before the futsal match? That would explain the bruises on my palm and wrists that I discovered the next morning, along with my beautiful, miscoloured, misshapen feet.

I think Sash the boy grabbed my hands too hard when we were spinning and when I let him go (he went flying and crashed into the floor. oops.) he wrenched the muscles in my hands. And my skin was scraped off too. =(

Plus, even beFORE the dancing, my mom ran over my toe with the carseat while adjusting it back and forth.

Yes, I went to Melaka unscathed and slightly depressed.

I came back injured and aching all over - and one hell of a happy girl.

;D

I don't mind getting injured if it means having the company of my friends.
I never knew I missed them so much lo. =/

By the way, I still don't get what the difference between boy's shorts and boy's boxers.
*frown*
Can someone please explain to me?
I mean, the appear to be exactly the same except that boxers have sillier designs...?

Cause when Brandon and Ro asked me to come in my chalet, Josh started yelling at them for bringing me in.

"Omg la! I'm in my boxers!"
"It's Steph only la, nothing one."

*hops around with pants around ankles, annoyed*

"Aiyo, with your pants on also I can see your boxers anyway. Same what. =_="

And it's true!
I don't even know why guys like to wear their pants halfway down their butts.
Might as well just wear their boxers and walk around what.

And yes. I still think boxers look like short shorts.
=/ Is there something about them that I don't know about (and should know about?)

Tell me pleeeease! ;D


Song of the Day:

"With You - Chris Brown"

See! I digressed! I told you! Nyaaaa...

(And yes, that's how long I've known them. =_= I can watch them hop around disoriented in their underwear and it's 'nothing la' cause it's me. Hahaha. ;D)