Occasionally I wonder whether there exists a person who hates me to bone and wishes me nothing but ill and death.
I know for sure that there are people who really hate me, but pretend to like me - for what I have no idea. To maintain an air of peace, maybe?
wan play?
waiting for friend
Eee! i wanna play too
lol
then go play ba
i wanna play with you >.>
why?
you pro =]
swt
can can?
if you stop bsing
bsing?
bullshitting =/
=.=
did i?
we all know you think i'm freaking noob so you don't have to lie =]
o.0
fine then
There goes one.
He had been civil to me lately, so I tolerated him.
Don't be fooled by his docile manner of speech. The moment I turn my back he calls me a noob and a whore. What I ever did to HIM to deserve that, I have no idea.
Until now, I feigned ignorance over his constant backstabbing - he thought he could curse my name to high heaven and I wouldn't notice. =/
Well, now he knows that I know and I doubt that he will be as discreet as he once was when insulting me. =_=
Truthfully, there are very few people I actually trust completely.
There is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
Even Arief, who recently dumped Zerick AND Kayshaan simultaneously to play with me...I can't say he's fully on my side either.
I have sat there watching Zerick, Jie and Fariz curse me out.
He was there too. He didn't join in, but he didn't stop them either.
All he did was ask them 'how dare you talk about her here?' and to move it to clan chat.
Wow.
Public flaming.
Private flaming.
Much difference, thanks for your consideration.
Even Nicky. I don't think I could ever trust him completely - the moment he kept silent when Zerick told me to 'shut the fuck up, whore' I lost faith in him.
The way he sighed when I asked him why he didn't say anything and left me to fend for myself.
The way he put up with him for so long while he KNEW I was being victimised verbally for no solid reason.
The way he gamed with Zerick when he thought I didn't know - saying that he was 'practising with friends' and that 'he has cut all ties with Zerick.'
That is not to say, I will keep quiet when people are throwing insults at him left and right.
Not even for revenge.
Because I still see him as my friend. I can't blame him for being soft-hearted and hesitant to turn his back on a long-term friend for a new person.
And I know, I have done many things to piss people off.
But do I deserve that much hate?
Maybe I do.
But I rarely piss people off with intention - it just happens.
I only do it to people I really dislike.
And when I don't like a person, I don't normally hide my contempt for them.
Yet, it's human nature to preserve good appearances as long as possible.
So what I'm really pondering is how many people actually hate my guts - but pretend to layan me anyway.
I have changed considerably over the past few months.
Some people do not like that change, some embrace it.
I lose my temper more.
I swear more.
I merajuk more.
I ignore people more.
I demand more.
I expect more.
I forgive more.
I forget less.
As Yi Ling said, I've become more mean, more cruel, yet more sissy.
(Whatever that means.)
I hurt people with my words, often intentionally in haste when my temper is running hot.
People who know me better know that I don't mean it and they brush it off as 'one of Steph's tantrums.'
But some people have not taken to the newer version of Stephanie and they take these words to heart.
I am sorry.
People change. You just have to accept that.
Even Arief was shocked when I lost my temper and started swearing endlessly in retaliation to someone who was being an outright asshole.
And I was the one who made him impose and enforce the 'no swearing in games/channel' rule.
*guiltguiltguilt*
Until now, he has kept that promise; I took that promise and smashed it to tiny little bits in front of his face.
Good job, Stephie.
*pats self on back*
[insert sarcasm here]
Have I betrayed my principles?
Maybe.
Maybe I've just changed as a person.
I used to argue that swearing is meaningless and often nonsensical in nature.
For a while, I tried using proper language and reasoning to reach compromises between teammates and opponents.
Well.
After a while, you'd notice that proper English is completely, totally, utterly lost on Ah Bengs.
"Ignore them and play please, there is no point arguing. Better just keep quiet and farm."
"Huh? Wtfccb they all noob hai! Ham ka chan! No nid to play like tis la!"
You get what I mean. =x
Eventually I just gave in and started speaking AhBeng-ese, and yes it's works much better.
"Stfu la. Mahai you also not pro wat. Talk summore la! See you feed I then 7 fucking happy lo."
"Diu ni la niama, don't talk la bitch!"
"Leave. Or I'll tell all my friends to ban you and we'll see if you can ever show your face on GGC again with this id. =]"
That normally shuts them up (although it's an empty threat HAHA.)
But you see, sometimes, reason and rational thinking just doesn't work when the other party is completely HOPELESS at it.
So you could say I have changed as circumstances required.
Am I to blame?
Am I to be hated?
Am I to be rejected?
Whatever it is, don't hide your feelings towards me.
If you hate me, don't put on a false front and bear with me. Just tell me you want nothing to do with me and we can both get it over with.
Yes, I can be bimbotic and shallow at times, but we all have feelings, no matter how well we choose to hide them.
Don't backstab - eventually you will be discovered and there'll be hell to pay.
Don't brush them off unnecessarily - maybe it's just idle chatter...or maybe they really needed someone to talk to and it's you they turned to.
Don't leave them behind for someone else - this hurts more than you think.
Don't shut them out completely if they want to help - maybe they can, you'll never know.
Don't hold grudges - it's not worth losing a friendship over.
Don't ignore their needs - you're not the only one who can feel depressed and sick.
Don't make the world appear to revolve around you - your friend has a life they want to share with you too...listen, don't only talk. And also, talk - don't just listen.
Don't leave them to fend for themselves in a fight - your support means a lot, be it words of defense, retaliation or simply telling others to back off and mind their own business.
These are the basic guidelines to differentiate a friend from an acquaintance.
Of course, we can't all follow these rules are the time (I certainly don't =x) but we should try consciously to abide by them.
Appreciate your friends, humans!
=]
Song of the Day:
"Sexy Dynamite - The Orion Experience"
Yet again, I went off topic. Nothing new.
I know for sure that there are people who really hate me, but pretend to like me - for what I have no idea. To maintain an air of peace, maybe?
wan play?
waiting for friend
Eee! i wanna play too
lol
then go play ba
i wanna play with you >.>
why?
you pro =]
swt
can can?
if you stop bsing
bsing?
bullshitting =/
=.=
did i?
we all know you think i'm freaking noob so you don't have to lie =]
o.0
fine then
There goes one.
He had been civil to me lately, so I tolerated him.
Don't be fooled by his docile manner of speech. The moment I turn my back he calls me a noob and a whore. What I ever did to HIM to deserve that, I have no idea.
Until now, I feigned ignorance over his constant backstabbing - he thought he could curse my name to high heaven and I wouldn't notice. =/
Well, now he knows that I know and I doubt that he will be as discreet as he once was when insulting me. =_=
Truthfully, there are very few people I actually trust completely.
There is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
Even Arief, who recently dumped Zerick AND Kayshaan simultaneously to play with me...I can't say he's fully on my side either.
I have sat there watching Zerick, Jie and Fariz curse me out.
He was there too. He didn't join in, but he didn't stop them either.
All he did was ask them 'how dare you talk about her here?' and to move it to clan chat.
Wow.
Public flaming.
Private flaming.
Much difference, thanks for your consideration.
Even Nicky. I don't think I could ever trust him completely - the moment he kept silent when Zerick told me to 'shut the fuck up, whore' I lost faith in him.
The way he sighed when I asked him why he didn't say anything and left me to fend for myself.
The way he put up with him for so long while he KNEW I was being victimised verbally for no solid reason.
The way he gamed with Zerick when he thought I didn't know - saying that he was 'practising with friends' and that 'he has cut all ties with Zerick.'
That is not to say, I will keep quiet when people are throwing insults at him left and right.
Not even for revenge.
Because I still see him as my friend. I can't blame him for being soft-hearted and hesitant to turn his back on a long-term friend for a new person.
And I know, I have done many things to piss people off.
But do I deserve that much hate?
Maybe I do.
But I rarely piss people off with intention - it just happens.
I only do it to people I really dislike.
And when I don't like a person, I don't normally hide my contempt for them.
Yet, it's human nature to preserve good appearances as long as possible.
So what I'm really pondering is how many people actually hate my guts - but pretend to layan me anyway.
I have changed considerably over the past few months.
Some people do not like that change, some embrace it.
I lose my temper more.
I swear more.
I merajuk more.
I ignore people more.
I demand more.
I expect more.
I forgive more.
I forget less.
As Yi Ling said, I've become more mean, more cruel, yet more sissy.
(Whatever that means.)
I hurt people with my words, often intentionally in haste when my temper is running hot.
People who know me better know that I don't mean it and they brush it off as 'one of Steph's tantrums.'
But some people have not taken to the newer version of Stephanie and they take these words to heart.
I am sorry.
People change. You just have to accept that.
Even Arief was shocked when I lost my temper and started swearing endlessly in retaliation to someone who was being an outright asshole.
And I was the one who made him impose and enforce the 'no swearing in games/channel' rule.
*guiltguiltguilt*
Until now, he has kept that promise; I took that promise and smashed it to tiny little bits in front of his face.
Good job, Stephie.
*pats self on back*
[insert sarcasm here]
Have I betrayed my principles?
Maybe.
Maybe I've just changed as a person.
I used to argue that swearing is meaningless and often nonsensical in nature.
For a while, I tried using proper language and reasoning to reach compromises between teammates and opponents.
Well.
After a while, you'd notice that proper English is completely, totally, utterly lost on Ah Bengs.
"Ignore them and play please, there is no point arguing. Better just keep quiet and farm."
"Huh? Wtfccb they all noob hai! Ham ka chan! No nid to play like tis la!"
You get what I mean. =x
Eventually I just gave in and started speaking AhBeng-ese, and yes it's works much better.
"Stfu la. Mahai you also not pro wat. Talk summore la! See you feed I then 7 fucking happy lo."
"Diu ni la niama, don't talk la bitch!"
"Leave. Or I'll tell all my friends to ban you and we'll see if you can ever show your face on GGC again with this id. =]"
That normally shuts them up (although it's an empty threat HAHA.)
But you see, sometimes, reason and rational thinking just doesn't work when the other party is completely HOPELESS at it.
So you could say I have changed as circumstances required.
Am I to blame?
Am I to be hated?
Am I to be rejected?
Whatever it is, don't hide your feelings towards me.
If you hate me, don't put on a false front and bear with me. Just tell me you want nothing to do with me and we can both get it over with.
Yes, I can be bimbotic and shallow at times, but we all have feelings, no matter how well we choose to hide them.
And here I present my main rules of friendship:
Don't backstab - eventually you will be discovered and there'll be hell to pay.
Don't brush them off unnecessarily - maybe it's just idle chatter...or maybe they really needed someone to talk to and it's you they turned to.
Don't leave them behind for someone else - this hurts more than you think.
Don't shut them out completely if they want to help - maybe they can, you'll never know.
Don't hold grudges - it's not worth losing a friendship over.
Don't ignore their needs - you're not the only one who can feel depressed and sick.
Don't make the world appear to revolve around you - your friend has a life they want to share with you too...listen, don't only talk. And also, talk - don't just listen.
Don't leave them to fend for themselves in a fight - your support means a lot, be it words of defense, retaliation or simply telling others to back off and mind their own business.
These are the basic guidelines to differentiate a friend from an acquaintance.
Of course, we can't all follow these rules are the time (I certainly don't =x) but we should try consciously to abide by them.
Appreciate your friends, humans!
=]
Song of the Day:
"Sexy Dynamite - The Orion Experience"
Yet again, I went off topic. Nothing new.
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