Favourite albums I listen to when I am stressed:
Backstreet Boys: Chapter One - Greatest Hits
Beatles: 1
Muse: Absolution
ABBA: The Definitive Collection
The Phantom of the Opera: Munich Symphony Orchestra
I'm listening to the 3rd out of those 5 already.
-_-
Sigh.
I'm falling way behind in schoolwork, and am struggling to catch up.
My library book that I returned before the holiday has YET to be registered - I have received 3 overdue notices and they told me that no, they have not received the Economics text book that I book-dropped on the 30th of May.
And because of that, my library account has been suspended until further notice (along with Swarna's and Viv's - they bookdropped on the same day and it was only logged on the 9th of June and they were fined.)
And because my account is suspended, I cannot check out the Econs text book so I can't read up and do my Econs essays - which I haven't the foggiest idea how to start.
My work is already late, and my mom gave the teacher her number. =_=
My maths is also late, and I have fallen from a B15 to a C13 this year - previously I have never gotten below an A. =_= You may say you can't compare college maths to secondary maths, but the point is, my grades have fallen tremendously.
Econs from an A17 to a C11.
Mahai.
I'm fucked wei.
I can catch up, I am positive of that.
But for now, the time-constraint on handing in my homework is suffocating me.
I can catch up, but not in a week.
Maybe two - but I have lots of work due before then and my teachers are already eyeing me as a problem student.
Serves me right for coming in late to class.
Cutting class - although quite rarely, except for LAN.
Handing in assignments late.
Sleeping in class.
Not focusing, not listening, not caring what the lecturer is talking about.
I prefer to study alone; but I don't.
I keep hearing the same comments again and again from all my lecturers last Saturday - the parent-teacher meeting.
"Sleeping in class."
"Losing focus."
"Definitely not a C student."
"Falling in with the wrong crowd."
"Cannot concentrate, doesn't ask questions."
"Very smart, but does not use her brains."
"A very demotivated student."
"Half-hearted in her work."
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I were actually stupid and unable to grasp what the teacher's are saying.
My brains - not put to good use.
Mom's disappointment.
Lecturer's frustation.
My guilt and indignance.
Furthermore, mom HAD to bring to Miss Christine that I actually did my sister's Form 2 maths when I was 9. Good lord. Now she thinks I'm some child math genius/delinquent and expects so much more from me.
*rots in silence*
And what stings is that every word of it is true.
Even the 'falling in with the wrong crowd' part. Technically incorrect, but I get what they mean.
I actually used to listen in class, now I'm too busy chatting/sleeping/fidgeting.
The chair starts to feel hot and poky, urging me to jump off and flee the scene.
I don't.
Instead, I laugh and tug against my fringe, promising to cut it off immediately.
My Econs teacher smiles a forced smile and tells me to focus and to please do her work. Try sitting alone in class and listen to her.
I wince and nod.
My mom and my lecturer look at me, a blank hopelessness hanging around them.
I have acquiesced to their demands, what else can they say?
Yet, they feel as if my words and nods are empty, a mere agreement to stave off further lectureing.
It isn't true, at least I hope not.
I have always said that I have absolutely no interest in my studies - at least, what I'm doing now. Accounts. Econs.
But I used to give a shit about how I did, making sure I'm at least above average to please various parties and to maintain a constant standard in my studies.
A word I've heard way too much over this weekend.
I shrink away from it.
A simple word, to blend you back into the masses; you have become the same as everybody else, with nothing to distinguish you from the crowd.
Ew.
I will buck up.
At least score above average, even if I don't put 100% effort in - even 80% will do.
As long as it isn't the 'half-heartedness' that my favourite lecturer described.
I don't think I'll ever be able to put in 100%. Not in something I dislike. But I will try. I have to try.
4 more months. Then freedom.
Art.
Pencils, artline pens, markers, powdery rubber dust.
Contentment.
It couldn't come soon enough.
Song of the Day:
"Take a Chance on Me - ABBA"
Back to work. I'm actually doing my work.
For the first time in ages.
Backstreet Boys: Chapter One - Greatest Hits
Beatles: 1
Muse: Absolution
ABBA: The Definitive Collection
The Phantom of the Opera: Munich Symphony Orchestra
I'm listening to the 3rd out of those 5 already.
-_-
Sigh.
I'm falling way behind in schoolwork, and am struggling to catch up.
My library book that I returned before the holiday has YET to be registered - I have received 3 overdue notices and they told me that no, they have not received the Economics text book that I book-dropped on the 30th of May.
And because of that, my library account has been suspended until further notice (along with Swarna's and Viv's - they bookdropped on the same day and it was only logged on the 9th of June and they were fined.)
And because my account is suspended, I cannot check out the Econs text book so I can't read up and do my Econs essays - which I haven't the foggiest idea how to start.
My work is already late, and my mom gave the teacher her number. =_=
My maths is also late, and I have fallen from a B15 to a C13 this year - previously I have never gotten below an A. =_= You may say you can't compare college maths to secondary maths, but the point is, my grades have fallen tremendously.
Econs from an A17 to a C11.
Mahai.
I'm fucked wei.
I can catch up, I am positive of that.
But for now, the time-constraint on handing in my homework is suffocating me.
I can catch up, but not in a week.
Maybe two - but I have lots of work due before then and my teachers are already eyeing me as a problem student.
Serves me right for coming in late to class.
Cutting class - although quite rarely, except for LAN.
Handing in assignments late.
Sleeping in class.
Not focusing, not listening, not caring what the lecturer is talking about.
I prefer to study alone; but I don't.
I keep hearing the same comments again and again from all my lecturers last Saturday - the parent-teacher meeting.
"Sleeping in class."
"Losing focus."
"Definitely not a C student."
"Falling in with the wrong crowd."
"Cannot concentrate, doesn't ask questions."
"Very smart, but does not use her brains."
"A very demotivated student."
"Half-hearted in her work."
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I were actually stupid and unable to grasp what the teacher's are saying.
My brains - not put to good use.
Mom's disappointment.
Lecturer's frustation.
My guilt and indignance.
Furthermore, mom HAD to bring to Miss Christine that I actually did my sister's Form 2 maths when I was 9. Good lord. Now she thinks I'm some child math genius/delinquent and expects so much more from me.
"I don't think she's putting 100% effort into her studies. Not even 50%; I doubt it."
*rots in silence*
And what stings is that every word of it is true.
Even the 'falling in with the wrong crowd' part. Technically incorrect, but I get what they mean.
I actually used to listen in class, now I'm too busy chatting/sleeping/fidgeting.
"I used to be so worried about Stephanie. Her hair is always falling in her face, so I cannot see whether she understands or not, haha. She always looks like she's dreaming when I'm talking. But she was okay, she actually did quite well. But now...now la, a different story."
The chair starts to feel hot and poky, urging me to jump off and flee the scene.
I don't.
Instead, I laugh and tug against my fringe, promising to cut it off immediately.
My Econs teacher smiles a forced smile and tells me to focus and to please do her work. Try sitting alone in class and listen to her.
I wince and nod.
My mom and my lecturer look at me, a blank hopelessness hanging around them.
I have acquiesced to their demands, what else can they say?
Yet, they feel as if my words and nods are empty, a mere agreement to stave off further lectureing.
It isn't true, at least I hope not.
I have always said that I have absolutely no interest in my studies - at least, what I'm doing now. Accounts. Econs.
But I used to give a shit about how I did, making sure I'm at least above average to please various parties and to maintain a constant standard in my studies.
"Average."
A word I've heard way too much over this weekend.
I shrink away from it.
A simple word, to blend you back into the masses; you have become the same as everybody else, with nothing to distinguish you from the crowd.
Ew.
I will buck up.
At least score above average, even if I don't put 100% effort in - even 80% will do.
As long as it isn't the 'half-heartedness' that my favourite lecturer described.
I don't think I'll ever be able to put in 100%. Not in something I dislike. But I will try. I have to try.
4 more months. Then freedom.
Art.
Pencils, artline pens, markers, powdery rubber dust.
Contentment.
It couldn't come soon enough.
Song of the Day:
"Take a Chance on Me - ABBA"
Back to work. I'm actually doing my work.
For the first time in ages.
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