Trust

Woke up early and spent the whole day in Sam's apartment. :D I'm super tired now and a bit grumpy. PMS, bitch!

Sigh. I know I shouldn't be, but I AM upset over the way things are going online.

My boyfriend is an extremely skilled and experienced CS player - to think people side 'reformed' hackers over him is just disgusting.

And this comes from so-called friends.

Heck, I was just playing with him yesterday. He cheered me on while I thrashed the opponents nearly 50-15, supposedly celebrating my return from the realm of perpetual lag.

And now I find that he doesn't trust my boyfriend's integrity. Sam? Hack? Hell no. How can he even do something that repulses him so much?

I guess they don't trust me either.

I used to be gleeful when people accuse me of hacking - that means you have to be somewhat above average to stand out. However, when supposed friends start doubting you, it is no longer funny.

I take pride in being honest. If I lose, I may get upset or pout but I will accept the fact that I lost fairly.

I would never cheat.

Never in my life have I used any kind of hacking software to gain the upper hand over fellow players.

The thought of it just makes me sick.

I used to trust my online friends to have the same attitude towards hackers, but lately my trust has been chiselled away by more and more suspicious acts and finally, the straw that broke the donkeys back: my close friend offered me an anti-recoil plugin.

I tried to laugh it off but since that day I have not really played with him much.

I just loathe injustice. Ok?

I trust my boyfriend's skill. I have seen him play with my own eyes, on MY computer, as have some of my other friends so I have no doubt whatsoever in my mind that he is an honest to good, skilled player.

Doubting my trust in him means you doubt me too.

And I take offence.

I realise that both Sam and I are extremely mood-dependant players. If we're in a good gaming mood, we can sapu the opponents, no sweat. However if we're in a bad mood or not really in the mood for gaming, we can suddenly become astonishingly average (Sam) or simply bad (me.)

Maybe this inconsistency in performance is cause of suspicion?

Last night I was feeding 5-20+ in my friend's server, and growing increasingly agitated and restless, thus affecting my performance even more.

I took a break and went to fetch my spectacles. When I came back I killed 18 people in a row without dying - even the snipers which I hate so much.

Have I doubted someone I knew for exhibiting the same kind of behaviour?

Yes.

For all I know, my friend might be cheering me on, but silently wondering whether I had taken a break to go switch on some recoil hack or wall hack or some other shit.

We will never know.

For example, there's a really good player that Sam and I have met in real life. We have always doubted the authenticity of his skill, but we were never able to determine anything.

Sam saw hacking software in his thumbdrive that he plugged into the cyber cafe's computer.

Whether he used it or not is not the issue. What's important is that all doubts I had of him just flew to mind and took root there, refusing to dissipate.

Online friendships are so fragile.

Do any of us truly trust each other?

I don't know.

Some may say, don't make a big deal over hackers - it's just a game. You should care for your friends whether they hack or not.

For me, it's a matter of principle. If you can't play fair, don't play at all. Being dishonest in a game can easily translate to being dishonest in real life.

Some people are just skilled.

I guess I shouldn't trust people I meet playing online games.

For example, Henry started playing CS this year, and he's become one heck of a good player. I never saw anything wrong until remarks made by some people about him planted some doubts in my head.

He's my friend and I trust him. I know he's really skilled at gaming and murmurs from unknown people shouldn't affect our trust, right?

Right.

I still trust him, whatever people may say.

I've met him and he's a nice guy and I simply don't believe he would insult his own ego by resorting to rubbish hacks.

:)

So I guess people are right by saying that you should never trust anyone you meet online.

Hiding behind a monitor, who really knows what lurks behind that facade of friendliness?

But then again, I guess now and then we must be generous and entrust someone with our confidence and our heart.

After all, I did meet my boyfriend online didn't I?

Through the same gaming client that has chiselled away so much of my faith in humanity.

I've gained friends, I've lost friends.

I've been betrayed, disappointed, stalked, admired, talked about and scorned.

But most importantly, I've gained love.

That in itself, cures all of the hurt from the other bad things.

:)

Have faith.

Cuti-cuti Malayyyysiaaaa

If you didn't know, I have returned from Melb for a 3 month holiday :D

It seems like a long stretch of nothing-to-do-ness as I don't have anything like upcoming exams or holiday homework or a job. All I can foresee is days and days of butt-numbing gaming in front of the pc.

(YES I CALL MY MAC A PC, nehnehnibubu Apple freaks)

My laptop died the night I came home - it froze during startup, on both the Windows and Mac OS. This happened when I was trying to fix the network adapter and the pc hung and I gave it a hard reboot.

:/ So I took it to Epicenter in Pavilion and the guy said that my Bootcamp (Windows on my Mac) wasn't installed properly and he did it for me!

So now I have the Snow Leopard OS HOHOHO.

Not like I know what's the difference between Snow Leopard and just Leopard (the old one.)

But now my function keys no longer have errors and I can access my Mac hard disk from Windows! OMG so happy!

Therefore, I don't need to repartition my pc as I can access all files from both OS. Last time I could only pull files from Windows in Leopard and not the other way round.

*__*

3 days gaming and I've finally made it into the top 15 on Mun Yue's server. Haha! :D #14 now, with Sam at #15 HAHA.

But he hasn't been playing lately la, he's a a far better and more experienced player than me. I'm just the kind of see-people-then-shoot-lor kind of player.

3 different people called me hacker already YAY! You know you've made an impression on someone when they say you're cheating (but you're not.)

~_~

Poor Sammy got food poisoning. I was wondering why he never called this morning - he was supposed to come and hang out at my house.

Then at like 4 something he called my house phone (my sis was using my hp) and said that he got bad food poisoning and went to the hospital.

WTF. I feel like such a bad gf la. Never call and ask to see where he was =_= To be fair, my hp was my alarm and my sis took it so I woke up at 3.30 pm

Awww. Anyway he's been discharged and I'm going to wake up early tomorrow to go to his place and sayang him and feed him 100 plus and watch movies with him ^_^

My english teacher emailed me, saying that I scored 90% on my final paper, giving me a 90% average for the second semester.

HAHA I rock neneh. :P I finished the paper in 45 mins summore fuyoh...we had 2 hours to do it. ~_~ /lansi

Now I hope my other subjects scored as well la. I already know my Multimedia got about a 81~82% average.

I'm aiming for an 80% average overall but I don't think I can do it lor. Rasa macam gonna fall short a little (I got a 89.75% average on Sem 1 FAK)

I'll know in about a week or so and maybe I'll update la.

No mood to blog sial.

I just wanna go shopping and gaming and cuddle with bf and find my friends.

Feel like doing up my blog with flash as a holiday project but I don't know how to make it work properly on blogger.

But I will try la. :)

Whatever. I think I've become a very boring blogger.

So byebye la. Tomorrow have to wake up early and if I could cook I'd make chicken soup and suap my poor sick boy but I'd probably make him sicker if I do so I'm just gonna bring my laptop and lots of love :D

Good night.

Mystery google

:)

I read on MLIA all the time about how people go on Mystery Google and find funny stuff like "Get me out of school! *name* *school number*" and people actually call up the school and make up some random excuse to get the guy out of school.

@__@

Okay okay let me explain.

MLIA (acronym fo My Life is Average) is a website where people post up little anecdotes of their life that they find amusing or unusual.

Recently, there have been a lot of posts like this:

Curious, I went to find out how Mystery Google works.

The web page looks like this:

Basically, when you type something into the search box and google it, what turns up is not an answer to your query, but the last thing a person searched on google.com.

It's pretty random and is a good time-killer.

However, lately there have been people with the idea of searching their number or email in google with a task for the person who mystery googled them to do.

Here's what I got:

fav harry potter quote *phone number*

Being skeptical about the authenticity of the little stories on MLIA, I texted the number with one of the few HP quotes I remember:

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."

Within minutes, I received a reply:

":D thank you! that made my night, kind sir or madam..."

Haha! It made my night too! I guess people actually do ask for pretty random stuff :)

Yea, don't lecture me about giving my number out to strangers. It's just once, for fun :D

The person lives in Brisbane :) I made a new friend today!

:D Cheers.