6 months :D:D

Yes we made it! Sounds like a long, hard journey doesn't it?

Well, it was. Long and hard and emotional.

And I'm making myself sound overly dramatic again. :/

Happy 6 months together Sammy! <3

He's currently employed by my mommy, working 12 hours a day at Pavilion selling jewellery. I'm really happy that he has a job now, even if it's only for a month. Although I'm battling anxiety attacks over the fact that I'm going to spend time with him online only once a week now, I know it's great that he's getting on his feet :')

All this makes me wonder what it'll be like at the end of the year when he has probably found a steady job and will be working from 9 to 5.

It never occurred to me that I won't be able to spend as much time with him as I did in those 2 blissful weeks in July. :| It also never occurred to me that our 5 year age gap meant that he will be working already while I'm still studying and immersed in assignments.

Will we have enough time for each other?

I would really like to be selfish and have both of us stay up til wee hours in the morning just to see each other - bad enough that we're physically 7000km apart, but to be emotionally cut off would be devastating for me.

Sadly, I can't allow myself to be selfish. After all, I have a responsibility as a daughter to do the best I can in my studies and not waste mom's money sending me to Melbourne to study by choosing to talk to my boyfriend over assignments.

And I cannot let him stay up late to the point where he has insufficient sleep and feel miserable and the job, and perhaps eventually fall sick.

I cannot I cannot.

I mustn't be selfish. :(

Now I'm just praying that somehow we'll both be happy, even with only a few hours we have together. I think I'm just taking it too hard because over the past 6 months I have grown accustomed to his company.

Now I find it hard, or awkward, to strike up a conversation with others. Perhaps I've been too lost in my little cloud of bliss and forgot how to live my life as me - as an individual.

It strikes me as pathetic that I can't go a single day without seeing him without feeling miserable.

I love him so much, even more with each passing day, but it is vital that I find myself again.

I hope that his one month stint as a salesman will teach me to be independent once again. :)

After all, he didn't fall in love with a needy, clingy girl. I am determined to return to the person I was when I met him - secure, emotionally stable and ABLE to have fun without taking everything too seriously.

Hehe. I'm doing this because I love you Sam. I hope you will support me while I hunt for my former self. I know I've been an emotional hurricane recently and god knows I'm feeling extremely confused and panicky over things I'm not even sure about.

In the past 6 months, you have been the best boyfriend - better than anything I have ever fantasized about having, and I want to reciprocate this by being myself - the one you fell in love with and not some creepy, warped version of her.

I don't want you to feel cheated :)

Long-distance is wearing me down, but it will never break me.

Because you are so much more significant than a paltry 7000 km.

You mean the world to me and I do love you that much. :D

You still have my heart.

Happy 6 months baby.