Why is it when people lose sleep over work, over family, over filial obligations, over studies, I stay up til the wee hours in the morning crying over personal issues?

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm just fucking wasting my mom's money by being such a horrible, lazy student and choosing to spend my time doing things that I KNOW will only end up hurting me. My studies. My health. Friends. Loved ones.

I feel stupid.

I feel ugly.

I feel useless, worthless, filthy and ungrateful.

I shouldn't be here, but I can't sleep.

I'm lonely.