ARGHHH

SWALLOW SWALLOW SWALLOW SWALLOW SWALLOW.

Swallow that rage, that is.

So much pent up anger and I have no idea where it's from.

Play my musical box. Eat a chocolate. Play my favourite song. Anything to distract me from this all-consuming feeling of fury and helplessness.

Pms. FUCK YOU.

I can't control it. SUCKS BALLS!

Okay. Let's start being coherent. What have I been up to lately?

I tried dyeing my hair purple but despite 4 times the usual amount of bleach put for double the amount of time, my hair remained black as night. It did lighten however, over a few washes to a flaming reddish brown in the sunlight.

I...cut my fringe off, only to look a coconut-headed-lala which was PRECISELY the look I was trying to avoid at all costs. I even showed the hairdresser a picture of the bangs I wanted and she gave me a coconut head.

THANKS. But I am then customer and YOU are the hairdresser so you should pretty much follow my nice and specific instructions, no? NO!

And don't tell me to stop complaining about my hair. BLABLA IT'S FINE! IT'S NOT THAT BAD! YOU'RE WHINING ABOUT NOTHING!

Do you want YOUR hairstylist to dye your hair green if you asked for a honey blonde? Do you want YOUR hairstylist to shave you bald when you asked for a boycut?

MISCOMMUNICATION MY ARSE. When you're in the service industry I believe that communication is a VITAL part of it. And also, CUSTOMER SATISFACTION.

If I don't like my hair, I don't. OK? If you like it, by all means, go ahead and cut it like this. For me, however, the task of saving my fringe for MONTHS to cut nice long bangs was all WASTED in that one single, dreadful SNIP.

I can grow it back? HA! Of course I can. But I have to tolerate looking like some horse-faced tranny/lala for MONTHS before I get it back. You're not in my position so don't tell me to stop complaining.

The problem is, I asked for something I wanted so much and the hairstylist decided to give me something that I HATE so much, so I'm allowed to rage a bit, aren't I?

Oh. Yeah. I'm pretty much fucking pissed off at some FRIENDS who only talk to you when they want something from you. Go. And. Burn.

I'm not shutting myself away from the world. It's shutting me out, because I'm such a pathetic, difficult-to-please bitch who can't tolerate much stupidity.

Well, I don't know what people have been saying about me, but I would CERTAINLY appreciate it if you would talk to me about it first before deciding to treat me the way you do.

And to those who STILL insist on looking down on me for attending RMIT instead of Melbourne U or whatever fucking pro uni you want, fuck off. Ok? Get your fucking facts straight. RMIT may not be the best uni in Australia but it's still pretty fucking damn good in the only industry it DOES excel in, ok?

We designed the fucking iPod okay? How many of you own a bloody iPod? Lots of you teenies, I'd wager. So you're holding a very successful product from the alumni of RMIT, ok?

Well, I have nothing to say if you're a business or engineering student of RMIT. Those two fields are Melbourne Uni's territory and if you're doing that in RMIT it just screams 'MELB U REJECT,' sorry to say.

But whoever heard of MELBOURNE UNI DESIGNERS? It's NOT their field of expertise, ok? Maybe their architectural degree has very high standards, but it's the NAME that's important ok?

Doctor from Melbourne U? Whoa, excellent.

Designer from RMIT? Nice!

Reverse those and see how shitty it sounds.

And I could have easily gone into Melb U to study some other lowly profession just be a MELBOURNE UNI GRADUATE. But I'd rather graduate from the field I like, even though it's from a 'shabbier' university. I got a 87.75 TER while I was SLACKING and CUTTING CLASS the whole year at college, so I'll let you imagine how much better I could have done if I just put in a bit of effort.

And I didn't push myself in college year because IT and commerce are YAWNs to me. All I needed was my Year12 English qualification and off to the course of my dreams! And I DID make it into the course I wanted, 11 points above the average needed to get confirmed entry.

Why am I even trying to justify my choice of uni to you? If you don't agree, your mind is probably already so small and too rigid to be talked out of your OPINION. Yea, I'm wise on that 'its MY opinion so shut the hell up' thing you're selling.

Bah. Patronizing imbeciles.

Oh yeah, I'm also pretty bummed about the fact that Sam and I just spent our first Valentine's and anniversary together apart. Should there be a comma there? I don't care -_-

There goes my dreams of flowers showing up magically in the morning with my prince charming taking me out for a romantic stroll in a park (since KL is landlocked) and feeding me chocolate-dipped strawberries and all that romantic shit.

Oh well. I guess webcamming and phone calls will have to suffice, like it did for the majority of last year.

Sigh.

I wish I could be the type of girl who doesn't give a shit about girly things and thinks playing football with her boyfriend is the best date ever. But NOOOO. Aren't all girls suckers for romantic shit like love letters and hideously overpriced roses?

Bah! I had to look at my sister's and mom's ENORMOUS bouquets on the table for almost a week and I've had to tell myself: HELL YEAH I GOT A FUCKING AWESOME MOUSE! WHO CARES ABOUT SISSY ROSES?

BUT I WANT FLOWERS TOO! T__T I'M JEALOUS! I don't even like the smell of roses! But wouldn't it be great to say MY BOY GAVE ME ROSES HOW SWEET!

I'm sorry baby. I'M SO SO SORRY! T__T I love my mouse to bits and it's the awesomest thing ever and I shouldn't even DREAM about asking you for flowers. But but but...maybe when you next visit me you could pluck some of mom's flowers for the garden so I can swoon and thread them in my hair or something.

SHIT I'm such a spoilt girlfriend. Fuckfuckfuck. I'm sorry. -_- And I was kidding about the threading flowers in my hair part. It'll just get tangled and smelly.

:( Anyway to make it up to you, I've bought you an awesome possum present that I'm SURE YOU WILL LOVE! Maybe I should strip naked and dance around to make it even better.

(Har. Har. I'm kidding...I can't dance.)

I'm going back to Australia. Gotta meet new people. Gotta tahan the stupid hot and cold weather. Gotta leave the brightest part of my life behind. I DON'T WANNA LEAVE YOU!

T__T

I don't wanna do any schoolwork. I don't wanna wake up early for class. I don't wanna be aloooooooone.

HAIZ.

Okay I go play CS with gaykay now since I haven't seen him for so long.

Bai.