Stray puppy

Don't you feel like that some days?

Little, lost, scruffy, mangy puppy dog.

Your presence isn't minded but not wanted either.
People look at you with interest for a minute, no more - after all you are a stray; there are a million and one stray puppies on the streets.
Suffocated by a sense of gloom: It's either live like this in the streets forever, or wait patiently in the SPCA until someone potentially abusive comes to adopt you, or get put down.

-.-''

Some days.

Only some days, but that is enough to tell you that these feelings exist anyway, but lurk beneath your happy facade most of the time, only to surface at the most inappropriate of times (like in the middle of exam season? Swt.)

Today I skipped LAN do complete my english assignment.
After about 40 minutes of doing absolutely nothing, I just slumped over in my chair in defeat. I sat motionless for almost 10 minutes (undoubtably pissing off anyone who was waiting for a free computer ._.)

Again I wonder, what the hell am I doing here?

Cutting class AGAIN to do some mundane assignment that I don't particularly care about. (I did, but somehow the enthusiasm faded after a while.)
Not knowing what I'm going to do tomorrow, not having any short nor long term goals in life.

It sucks, I tell you, to have a lack of passion for anything, for anyone.

Don't you wonder what you're living for sometimes?
Not that I'm suicidal or anything (har. har. right.) but most of the time I wonder what I'm going to do for the next 70 years or so of my life.

Ling has her fashion, photography and movies to love.
Sui has her maths, physics and her social ways to keep her happy.
Even JL, who feels down occasionally, constantly (I do not know for sure) has her music to fill that void when she needs it the most.

I don't know.

There's nothing I particularly love to do.
I seem to express a mild interest in a wide range of things, but I have yet to find something that just clicks.

Something, (however cheesy it may sound) that when you wake up each day, gives you something to look forward to in the near or distant future.

I'm going to finish learning this piano piece today.
I'm going out with my friends tomorrow.
I'm going to be a world-reknown fashion designer some day.

Nope. I don't have any of those.

I don't look forward to anything, besides getting out of Malaysia ASAP.
And even then what am I going to do?
Continue this boring life in Melbourne?
Given, there's Krispy Kreme and Boost Juice to provide temporary happiness - but after a while I'm back at square one.

What am I going to do with the rest of my life?

This feeling has deepened so much so I can't even express a mild interest in my studies any longer. The enthusiasm I had during the first month of college seems to have disappeared.

I screwed up my Accounts paper considerably. Teacher did not look very pleased with my results.
Today's IT...I left half the paper blank cause I ran out of time.
Yesterday's maths...

Form 4/5 Add Maths exam repeat scenario.

I began the paper rather cheerfully - the boy sitting next to me was confident enough not to bring in a cheat sheet at all; not that I needed mine, but I brought it in anyway so as not to seem overconfident. I silently challenged myself to do equal or better than him, even if I'll never know his results anyway.

I started on the first question.
Simple differentiation. I finished the question. The answer looked doubtfully back at me.

I stared at it for a few seconds, then flipped through the rest of the exam booklet.
A sinking feeling occured in my tummy as I saw the seemingly neverending questions. I glanced at the clock.

I was never going to finish it in time.

...

And I didn't.

My mind just whited out again.
!!!

WTF LA.

I thought I'd finally gotten over the fear that kept my Add Maths results on the brink of failure throughout the past two years. But no. Here's history insisting on repeating itself.

=.=

Of course, I was in no mood for anything after that.
I had managed to convince myself that my ESL exam was screwed up too.

Wargh.
Even I'm sick of all this whining. (Ha, I can annoy myself. Excellent.)
But I have nothing else to do currently.

I skipped LAN to do English.
I can't remember what happened during Maths.
I spent Accounts period checking out everyone's outfit (presentation day)
I slept during Econs, feeling rather miserable.
I fled ESL class 10 minutes after it started, not bothering to wait for my friends to get their consultation over with.

Then I camped the remainder of ESL at the library alone.
SWT.

PATHETIC, NO?

ARGHHHHHH

HELP MEEEEEE T________________T

A pathetic end to a pathetic day:

I came home, skipped lunch and flopped down to sleep.
I just woke up and I'm not feeling any better. -.-
Gonna die a chocolatey death later.

Until then,

Have fun with your lives.

I don't love you.


Song of the Day:

"Come Out and Play - The Offspring"

Yawn. Sad.