A day to wonder...

Would he be happy with the way I am now?

Would he be happy with my achievements in my studies since?

Would he approve of my boyfriend?

Would he be waiting for me at the airport when I come home in July?

But I guess that wondering is all I can do.

It kinda sucks when your life is filled with 'what ifs' and 'maybes.'

It's been 3 years since dad died and the wound is still there, even if its buried beneath layers of happy smiles and apathetic stares.

I'm just sad.

A big hello to all my other friends out there who also lost their mommy or daddy way too soon. I feel the same.

Milestone birthdays, your first boy/girlfriend, graduation, weddings, your first child...something they will never see in the flesh.

But perhaps they will still see.

From somewhere.

It was said that my daddy's soul will move on and leave my family 3 years after his death. I don't know up to what extent this is true, but the thought of it just leaves a pretty huge hole in my heart.

Does that mean that he won't be by my side after today?

I don't believe so.

Yesterday I found out that the father of a friend of mine had been diagnosed with stage 3 nose cancer, I was hit with several feelings at once.

A deep sadness. Sympathy. Hope. Devastation.

I wish the best for her family.

I know what its like experiencing the suffering of a loved one.

The sleepness nights filled with worry.

Trying to stifle the feeling of dread.

Attempting to fill yourself with hope.

It is not an easy thing to go through.

And this post is to remember how my dad fought and nearly won - only to be betrayed by another act of carelessness and incompetence by the Malaysian system.

Life can be sad.

But I have grown.

And I still love and miss him everyday.

... :'(