I'm tired of people holding me accountable for things that my friends have done or said.
I am not the keeper of their words nor behaviour and do not look at me with distaste if you happen to have fallen out with them.
Don't even talk to me about not being able to choose my friends wisely.
I choose my friends carefully, and if you intend to judge them at face value, it is your choice. Do not pass judgment on me just because you don't like them or if they have wronged you.
I did not ask them to do you any harm. So don't expect me to clean up after their mess.
There's always more to a person than you know. Everyone has their own personal troubles; their admirable traits and sometimes yes, they have done some dishonourable deeds.
You yourself are not entirely flawless, and yet I have seen past those flaws and put up with you nearly every time willingly - not out of a sense of obligation or pity; simply because you are my friend.
If you think it's so easy to cater to everyone's wants and needs while trying to handle your own personal problems, just try. Yes, some of you can. But you being able to do so does not mean that you simply assume that everyone else is as superhuman as you are.
If you think my friends have changed me, take a look at yourself.
Do you think I approve of ALL your friends? It pains me to see some of them harm you, you realise this and yet you were addicted to them like a junkie. I'm glad that you're much stronger now, being able to tear yourself away from what delights you and hurts you simultaneously, and I trusted that you can handle your own emotions alone and unaided.
You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you lash out at me for a single, isolated incident where I have apparently failed to shield you from some harmful words that my friend has unleashed upon you.
I guess I was wrong to assume that you could take the blow of undisguised criticism.
Maybe I was also wrong to assume that everyone could adapt their ears and heart to 'crass mockery.' If you had known her better, you'd have known that what she said was neither meant to belittle nor scorn.
I have looked past this kind of behaviour from her many times simply because I am assured of my abilities and I don't take every single comment to heart.
It is irrational to expect everyone to be full of praise of your talent - the world does not share a single mindset. Even though there are grains of truth in her so-called mockery, I still believe you're full of talent and potential to make a living doing what you love, which is much more than I can say for the rest of us. All you have to do is believe in yourself.
As for rudeness, I am confident that no one 100% free of this.
Some of us are not as civilised in everyday speech and behaviour as others.
What appeared to be a derogatory comment to you is everyday speech to me. Even 'bitch' has become a pet name of sorts that we use constantly, ignoring the implications of the word. It is something born out of habit - not necessarily a good one - and I understand if it shocks you initially.
And you have no idea how I fought for your stand that night. Try changing the beliefs of someone with stereotypes so firmly planted into her mind in a single night.
Well, I apologize for not calling her out on her remarks there and then, but if you knew her as well as I do, you'd know it would not have ended prettily.
I later explained to her about your feelings and why you feel that way; part of the conversation you may have overheard. In her defense, she had no idea how fragile your feelings were and it is safe to say that I have never seen anyone react so strongly to the flurry of tactless remarks that she is.
She said she still didn't understand you, but will try to be more considerate next time.
I told her it was either that, or to never contact you again.
Well, I'm sorry if I don't know what's best for you or what you want me to do.
You make it seem like I'm not allowed to change my habits and you're basically forcing me to pick between you or them.
I have barely changed as you seem to think I have - maybe it's just that you haven't seen this side of me prior to that night.
You too have changed, and I have supported you as much as I could as you struggled with your problems. Of course, I couldn't be there for you 24/7 because you weren't the only one who had troubles too.
Even so, I've tried to make myself available whenever you needed me, even at the expense of my sleep and study time, however little there was of in the first place, just to be there to listen to you.
And what has become of all this?
You take one single incident and find sufficient reason behind that to throw away our friendship.
If you feel it is better, then I am not stopping you.
It is even better if you think that cutting off all ties between us improves your health.
Even as Zerick cursed my parents more than once, I have never asked Nick to break up their friendship. Sometimes I jokingly ask why he even hangs out with him, but I know that people have their own reasons and sometimes they can see things about the person that we don't.
Nor have I asked him to pick between me or him. It's his friend, and no matter how much Zerick pisses me off and insults me, I just brush it off because what he says does not matter. Sometimes ignorance is the best course.
Though I don't trust him and probably never will, Zerick and I have reached a mutual, unspoken agreement to be civil to each other - not only for Nick's sake, but ours too.
You may say that I'm going out of my way to defend her every action or word, but truth is, I only do it when it implicates me. You questioned my ability of being a friend; it is myself I am defending, not her.
You say that she is exceptionally rude, but how much do you really know her?
She thinks you are ridiculously emotional, but how much does she really know you?
Things work both ways, you can't just see things from your perspective.
And if you still think I'm siding her over you, you're wrong.
I am sitting on the fence and I always will be, unless someone crosses the line.
That has not happened yet.
Trying to keep everyone happy is like trying to feed a thousand hungry mouths at once with a single spoon - a tedious task, although possible.
However, if you think that this petty incident spells the end of our relationship, so be it.
If you think that I'm ditching all my old friends for my new ones, so be it.
If what I am to you has become a bitch of monstrous proportions, so be it.
Whatever you think is fair to you in this case.
I am tired emotionally and I find it pointless to argue any further if you're so fixed in your mindset.
Even so, I will still consider you my friend and treat you accordingly in my own way.
If you don't feel that I'm worth reciprocating the effort, that is your call.
By the time you read this, you may already have written me off, wondering why I never replied.
It is because I have no other words to say besides what I have just said to you.
Let me make this clear to you now:
You're still a childhood friend to me, and I still love you as such.
Our friendship lies in your hands.
I am not the keeper of their words nor behaviour and do not look at me with distaste if you happen to have fallen out with them.
Don't even talk to me about not being able to choose my friends wisely.
I choose my friends carefully, and if you intend to judge them at face value, it is your choice. Do not pass judgment on me just because you don't like them or if they have wronged you.
I did not ask them to do you any harm. So don't expect me to clean up after their mess.
There's always more to a person than you know. Everyone has their own personal troubles; their admirable traits and sometimes yes, they have done some dishonourable deeds.
You yourself are not entirely flawless, and yet I have seen past those flaws and put up with you nearly every time willingly - not out of a sense of obligation or pity; simply because you are my friend.
If you think it's so easy to cater to everyone's wants and needs while trying to handle your own personal problems, just try. Yes, some of you can. But you being able to do so does not mean that you simply assume that everyone else is as superhuman as you are.
If you think my friends have changed me, take a look at yourself.
Do you think I approve of ALL your friends? It pains me to see some of them harm you, you realise this and yet you were addicted to them like a junkie. I'm glad that you're much stronger now, being able to tear yourself away from what delights you and hurts you simultaneously, and I trusted that you can handle your own emotions alone and unaided.
You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you lash out at me for a single, isolated incident where I have apparently failed to shield you from some harmful words that my friend has unleashed upon you.
I guess I was wrong to assume that you could take the blow of undisguised criticism.
Maybe I was also wrong to assume that everyone could adapt their ears and heart to 'crass mockery.' If you had known her better, you'd have known that what she said was neither meant to belittle nor scorn.
I have looked past this kind of behaviour from her many times simply because I am assured of my abilities and I don't take every single comment to heart.
It is irrational to expect everyone to be full of praise of your talent - the world does not share a single mindset. Even though there are grains of truth in her so-called mockery, I still believe you're full of talent and potential to make a living doing what you love, which is much more than I can say for the rest of us. All you have to do is believe in yourself.
As for rudeness, I am confident that no one 100% free of this.
Some of us are not as civilised in everyday speech and behaviour as others.
What appeared to be a derogatory comment to you is everyday speech to me. Even 'bitch' has become a pet name of sorts that we use constantly, ignoring the implications of the word. It is something born out of habit - not necessarily a good one - and I understand if it shocks you initially.
And you have no idea how I fought for your stand that night. Try changing the beliefs of someone with stereotypes so firmly planted into her mind in a single night.
Well, I apologize for not calling her out on her remarks there and then, but if you knew her as well as I do, you'd know it would not have ended prettily.
I later explained to her about your feelings and why you feel that way; part of the conversation you may have overheard. In her defense, she had no idea how fragile your feelings were and it is safe to say that I have never seen anyone react so strongly to the flurry of tactless remarks that she is.
She said she still didn't understand you, but will try to be more considerate next time.
I told her it was either that, or to never contact you again.
Well, I'm sorry if I don't know what's best for you or what you want me to do.
You make it seem like I'm not allowed to change my habits and you're basically forcing me to pick between you or them.
I have barely changed as you seem to think I have - maybe it's just that you haven't seen this side of me prior to that night.
You too have changed, and I have supported you as much as I could as you struggled with your problems. Of course, I couldn't be there for you 24/7 because you weren't the only one who had troubles too.
Even so, I've tried to make myself available whenever you needed me, even at the expense of my sleep and study time, however little there was of in the first place, just to be there to listen to you.
And what has become of all this?
You take one single incident and find sufficient reason behind that to throw away our friendship.
If you feel it is better, then I am not stopping you.
It is even better if you think that cutting off all ties between us improves your health.
Even as Zerick cursed my parents more than once, I have never asked Nick to break up their friendship. Sometimes I jokingly ask why he even hangs out with him, but I know that people have their own reasons and sometimes they can see things about the person that we don't.
Nor have I asked him to pick between me or him. It's his friend, and no matter how much Zerick pisses me off and insults me, I just brush it off because what he says does not matter. Sometimes ignorance is the best course.
Though I don't trust him and probably never will, Zerick and I have reached a mutual, unspoken agreement to be civil to each other - not only for Nick's sake, but ours too.
You may say that I'm going out of my way to defend her every action or word, but truth is, I only do it when it implicates me. You questioned my ability of being a friend; it is myself I am defending, not her.
You say that she is exceptionally rude, but how much do you really know her?
She thinks you are ridiculously emotional, but how much does she really know you?
Things work both ways, you can't just see things from your perspective.
And if you still think I'm siding her over you, you're wrong.
I am sitting on the fence and I always will be, unless someone crosses the line.
That has not happened yet.
Trying to keep everyone happy is like trying to feed a thousand hungry mouths at once with a single spoon - a tedious task, although possible.
However, if you think that this petty incident spells the end of our relationship, so be it.
If you think that I'm ditching all my old friends for my new ones, so be it.
If what I am to you has become a bitch of monstrous proportions, so be it.
Whatever you think is fair to you in this case.
I am tired emotionally and I find it pointless to argue any further if you're so fixed in your mindset.
Even so, I will still consider you my friend and treat you accordingly in my own way.
If you don't feel that I'm worth reciprocating the effort, that is your call.
By the time you read this, you may already have written me off, wondering why I never replied.
It is because I have no other words to say besides what I have just said to you.
Let me make this clear to you now:
You're still a childhood friend to me, and I still love you as such.
Our friendship lies in your hands.
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