It is back, unfortunately.
That horrible feeling of emptiness.
I cannot really describe it...it's just...there.
The tightening of the oesophagus, the shortness of breath, the tensing of the jaw; these are but physical symptoms.
How about my feelings, you ask?
I feel on the verge of tears.
And the scary thing is that I don't know why.
But there it is, the stinging of the eyelids as your body naturally attempts to compress your tear bags to release a few tears. But why is it happening? I don't know.
I'm still trying to find the root of the problem, but to no avail.
The feeling comes without a warning and leaves without a trace.
And no, it is not attributed to PMS whatsoever as Yi Ling so helpfully suggested. It happens all the time.
It's like one second I feel content, even happy.
Then the next, my head is killing me and I just want to lie down and do absolutely nothing but stare into space and think of space and nothingness.
And I'm not even tired - I've been sleeping twice as much lately.
I have been taking all three meals; albeit at odd hours, but I don't think this would affect a person hormonally at all that much.
Even as I sit here typing, I find my mind a near blank; barely grasping the next words to say.
I find myself unable to think about the future and unable to process what happened today.
I just want to sit here and stare blankly at the screen, blinking back tears.
But that is just too depressing to even contemplate.
The last episode happened in the school library and lasted for the rest of the day.
Before that was around 3 or 4 am where I just started crying in front of the computer for about half an hour.
Fucking lame, man.
I do want to fix this problem, but then when you see me tomorrow I'd probably be all cheerful and happy again. I fool even myself most of the time. Then I think, 'oh it's gone, no worries.'
Then,
Next thing you know, I'm in front of the computer AGAIN, squeezing out fragments of thoughts from my mind into cyberspace.
Well. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. There you go. I admit I have a problem.
Now what?
...
That horrible feeling of emptiness.
I cannot really describe it...it's just...there.
The tightening of the oesophagus, the shortness of breath, the tensing of the jaw; these are but physical symptoms.
How about my feelings, you ask?
I feel on the verge of tears.
And the scary thing is that I don't know why.
But there it is, the stinging of the eyelids as your body naturally attempts to compress your tear bags to release a few tears. But why is it happening? I don't know.
I'm still trying to find the root of the problem, but to no avail.
The feeling comes without a warning and leaves without a trace.
And no, it is not attributed to PMS whatsoever as Yi Ling so helpfully suggested. It happens all the time.
It's like one second I feel content, even happy.
Then the next, my head is killing me and I just want to lie down and do absolutely nothing but stare into space and think of space and nothingness.
And I'm not even tired - I've been sleeping twice as much lately.
I have been taking all three meals; albeit at odd hours, but I don't think this would affect a person hormonally at all that much.
Even as I sit here typing, I find my mind a near blank; barely grasping the next words to say.
I find myself unable to think about the future and unable to process what happened today.
I just want to sit here and stare blankly at the screen, blinking back tears.
But that is just too depressing to even contemplate.
The last episode happened in the school library and lasted for the rest of the day.
Before that was around 3 or 4 am where I just started crying in front of the computer for about half an hour.
Fucking lame, man.
I do want to fix this problem, but then when you see me tomorrow I'd probably be all cheerful and happy again. I fool even myself most of the time. Then I think, 'oh it's gone, no worries.'
Then,
Next thing you know, I'm in front of the computer AGAIN, squeezing out fragments of thoughts from my mind into cyberspace.
Well. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. There you go. I admit I have a problem.
Now what?
...
1 comment:
ey.
bipolar?
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