What can I say?
I woke up this morning still feeling pissed off.
Why is this angering me so badly?
I really don't know exactly, but a strong sense of deja vu tells me this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened to me.
So maybe this is merely pent up rage that I've been harbouring for years?
I don't know.
He messaged me with an apology again this morning - 3rd time? 4th?
But you know what?
Even as my brain tells me that it's enough, he's sorry, get over it - my heart is just so filled with resentment that I decided to be an utter bitch and not forgive him.
Yet, anyway.
I mean, if my forgiveness means SOMETHING to him, I can afford to let him squirm a little while more - and if it doesn't, well then fine by me, it saves my breath.
Last night I was feeling a little glad that I waited a while before continuing the post - it would have been a pile of total bullshit fueled by anger and filled with profanity otherwise.
Today, I feel that I shouldn't have written with so much hate.
Where did all this bitterness stem from anyway?
I'm still trying to pinpoint the main reason behind this astounding amount of ill-feeling.
And I can't.
Institutionalise me, anyone? -_-''
Well, that's it.
No more mister nice guy, I'm not going to be nice to anyone any more unless I see fit.
No more accepting tardiness.
No more accepting flakiness.
No more tolerating fickle-mindedness.
On that note, Yap, when are you gonig to fucking give back my book you borrowed FIVE YEARS AGO?
I'm sorry I had to ask again in this way...oh wait, I'm not, because the key word here is:
How many times have I asked in the past 5 freaking YEARS?
I don't think even Fish remembers.
Nevermind, nevermind.
Clean slate from now on.
Forget about the book - I'm not lending anyone my personal belongings anymore.
I still remember that in Form 1, this girl from another class back then - now in my class, and Fish absolutely hates her - borrowed my brand spanking new Seni text book.
And after weeks and months of harassing, she returned my text book.
At the end of the year.
After the syllabus was completed.
Some pages were torn and the book was falling to pieces.
...
Back then, I just wrote it off as another thoughtless act of the scum of society.
Now, I realise that these little things really DID piss me off, and still do - as I have just discovered.
You know when I say I refuse to let myself be bullied?
Well, what is this if it isn't called bullying?
That's the last straw.
No more lending money.
People still owe me cash.
No more lending books.
People still haven't returned them.
No more lending homework.
People just lose my book - 'oops, sorry!'
No more waiting for people.
They just come to you (an hour late) with an apology and no legitimate reason for being late - which is what I'm really after.
No more offering to help people with their work.
They don't appreciate it and it just wastes your time - I could be working on my weak subjects instead.
No more offering to do a favour for someone.
They just aren't thankful even if you spent 2 hours helping them - I could have played 2 rounds of DotA then.
No more listening out other people's troubles.
They just walk away, comforted - and did they even bother to ask ME how I felt that day?
No more, no more, no more.
I am sick of you people, all you do is take and take and take.
This is so fucking cliched - but I'm sick and tired of giving.
I AM thankful to the people who have helped me out of free will - like B, who spent 3 whole days TEACHING me chemistry, not revising, mind you, when she could have spent the time so much better.
Also others, which I'm not going to mention here, because if I talk any more, this is going to turn into a fucking EMO BLOG.
And that would have to mean I hate myself.
Lawl.
And don't even THINK about leaving a comment telling me I'm blowing this out of proportion.
Just keep your fucking trap shut if that's all you can say.
Song of the Day:
"Long Hard Road Out Of Hell - Marilyn Manson"
They say you can tell how a person is feeling based on the songs he/she is listening to at the current time. Can you venture a guess?
I woke up this morning still feeling pissed off.
Why is this angering me so badly?
I really don't know exactly, but a strong sense of deja vu tells me this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened to me.
So maybe this is merely pent up rage that I've been harbouring for years?
I don't know.
He messaged me with an apology again this morning - 3rd time? 4th?
But you know what?
Even as my brain tells me that it's enough, he's sorry, get over it - my heart is just so filled with resentment that I decided to be an utter bitch and not forgive him.
Yet, anyway.
I mean, if my forgiveness means SOMETHING to him, I can afford to let him squirm a little while more - and if it doesn't, well then fine by me, it saves my breath.
Last night I was feeling a little glad that I waited a while before continuing the post - it would have been a pile of total bullshit fueled by anger and filled with profanity otherwise.
Today, I feel that I shouldn't have written with so much hate.
Where did all this bitterness stem from anyway?
I'm still trying to pinpoint the main reason behind this astounding amount of ill-feeling.
And I can't.
Institutionalise me, anyone? -_-''
Well, that's it.
No more mister nice guy, I'm not going to be nice to anyone any more unless I see fit.
No more accepting tardiness.
No more accepting flakiness.
No more tolerating fickle-mindedness.
On that note, Yap, when are you gonig to fucking give back my book you borrowed FIVE YEARS AGO?
I'm sorry I had to ask again in this way...oh wait, I'm not, because the key word here is:
AGAIN
How many times have I asked in the past 5 freaking YEARS?
I don't think even Fish remembers.
Nevermind, nevermind.
Clean slate from now on.
Forget about the book - I'm not lending anyone my personal belongings anymore.
I still remember that in Form 1, this girl from another class back then - now in my class, and Fish absolutely hates her - borrowed my brand spanking new Seni text book.
And after weeks and months of harassing, she returned my text book.
At the end of the year.
After the syllabus was completed.
Some pages were torn and the book was falling to pieces.
...
Back then, I just wrote it off as another thoughtless act of the scum of society.
Now, I realise that these little things really DID piss me off, and still do - as I have just discovered.
You know when I say I refuse to let myself be bullied?
Well, what is this if it isn't called bullying?
That's the last straw.
No more lending money.
People still owe me cash.
No more lending books.
People still haven't returned them.
No more lending homework.
People just lose my book - 'oops, sorry!'
No more waiting for people.
They just come to you (an hour late) with an apology and no legitimate reason for being late - which is what I'm really after.
No more offering to help people with their work.
They don't appreciate it and it just wastes your time - I could be working on my weak subjects instead.
No more offering to do a favour for someone.
They just aren't thankful even if you spent 2 hours helping them - I could have played 2 rounds of DotA then.
No more listening out other people's troubles.
They just walk away, comforted - and did they even bother to ask ME how I felt that day?
No more, no more, no more.
I am sick of you people, all you do is take and take and take.
This is so fucking cliched - but I'm sick and tired of giving.
I AM thankful to the people who have helped me out of free will - like B, who spent 3 whole days TEACHING me chemistry, not revising, mind you, when she could have spent the time so much better.
Also others, which I'm not going to mention here, because if I talk any more, this is going to turn into a fucking EMO BLOG.
AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE EMO BLOGS.
And that would have to mean I hate myself.
Lawl.
And don't even THINK about leaving a comment telling me I'm blowing this out of proportion.
Just keep your fucking trap shut if that's all you can say.
ESPECIALLY from any of the guilty parties mentioned above.
Song of the Day:
"Long Hard Road Out Of Hell - Marilyn Manson"
They say you can tell how a person is feeling based on the songs he/she is listening to at the current time. Can you venture a guess?
2 comments:
oi.
i gave back all your books already.
-_-"
and, nah, this is not and emo post. i've seen 10 times worse.
your "emo" post turned out pretty interesting and yawn-proof.
=D
Ahem.
Ping Tan Man Hua.
How about that one?
-_-'' right back atcha.
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