...it makes you remember things.
Like this stupid joke I told my friends a couple years back that had them in stitches. Actually, I read it somewhere manymanymany years back, but you know me, I couldn't remember the punchline!
So I er, made one up.
If the joke's a bit lame, just pretend you haven't read it. Or just laugh at the lame joke-teller then. Either way, you win. So why not read it anyway?
Here goes:
Tommy's parents had to leave for a function one evening. Tommy was just 6 years old, and they didn't want to leave him home alone, what with kidnappers and all. But unfortunately, all the babysitters were booked. So, as a last resort, they paid their wild teenage niece, Janis to look after him that night.
The moment Tommy's parents left, Janis popped a porn video in the VCR and hopped on the couch.
"Go to bed, Tommy."
"But I want to wa-atch...please cousin Janis?"
"Nuh-uh, go!"
Sulking Tommy went to bed. 5 minutes later, however, he sneaked back downstairs and started watching the video. Hiding behind the couch, Janis couldn't see him.
Poor Tommy, being a mere 6-year-old, couldn't understand a word the adults on screen were saying. Finally, he gave in.
"Janis, what's a penis?"
Janis jumped.
"Wha...? Why are you still awake? I thought you went to bed?"
"Yeahyeah, I still wanna know what a penis is!"
Janis glanced around quickly, and caught sight of the coat rack.
"It's...a posh word for coat!"
"Oh, ok. What's a vagina then?"
Janis reddened.
"Oh, it's a...type of hat! Yeah, hat!"
Phew, nice save there, girl. Janis congratulated gerself.
"What does 'fucking around' mean?"
Tommy looked at Janis with his innocent round eyes.
"It's uh...hanging around, ya know? Hanging out...now, go back to bed!"
Janis turned around and resumed watching her X-rated tape. Tommy being a curious young boy, sneaked back down to continue watching the tape a mere 2 minutes later.
"Janis, what does 'having an affair' mean?"
Janis jumped. "Oh, er, it means taking a bath."
"Bitches...and butches?"
"It means ladies and gentlemen! Now go to sleep Tommy, before I call your parents!"
"Only if you answer another question." Tommy answered back cheekily.
"Fine, fine. What is it? Make it quick."
"What's a hooker?"
"Gah! It's a turkey, ok? Now go and sleep!"
Giggling, Tommy ran back upstairs.
***3 days later***
Tommy looked in the mirror and straightened his little tie. The doorbell rang, and he ran down to answer it.
Heaps of relatives came pouring in.
"Happy thanksgiving Tommy!" His grandmother gave him a hug.
In an attempt to be a true gentleman, Tommy recited his prepared speech with a huge grin.
"Bitches and butches, please leave your penises and vaginas on the rack and fuck around patiently, as my mommy is upstairs having an affair, and daddy is in the the kitchen dressing the hooker!"
Everyone promptly fainted.
***
Ermyeah, that's about it. Thanks for letting me take up your time with my nonsensical babble, kthxbye.
Song of the Day:
"Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana"
Because I love this song! =D
Like this stupid joke I told my friends a couple years back that had them in stitches. Actually, I read it somewhere manymanymany years back, but you know me, I couldn't remember the punchline!
So I er, made one up.
If the joke's a bit lame, just pretend you haven't read it. Or just laugh at the lame joke-teller then. Either way, you win. So why not read it anyway?
Here goes:
Tommy's parents had to leave for a function one evening. Tommy was just 6 years old, and they didn't want to leave him home alone, what with kidnappers and all. But unfortunately, all the babysitters were booked. So, as a last resort, they paid their wild teenage niece, Janis to look after him that night.
The moment Tommy's parents left, Janis popped a porn video in the VCR and hopped on the couch.
"Go to bed, Tommy."
"But I want to wa-atch...please cousin Janis?"
"Nuh-uh, go!"
Sulking Tommy went to bed. 5 minutes later, however, he sneaked back downstairs and started watching the video. Hiding behind the couch, Janis couldn't see him.
Poor Tommy, being a mere 6-year-old, couldn't understand a word the adults on screen were saying. Finally, he gave in.
"Janis, what's a penis?"
Janis jumped.
"Wha...? Why are you still awake? I thought you went to bed?"
"Yeahyeah, I still wanna know what a penis is!"
Janis glanced around quickly, and caught sight of the coat rack.
"It's...a posh word for coat!"
"Oh, ok. What's a vagina then?"
Janis reddened.
"Oh, it's a...type of hat! Yeah, hat!"
Phew, nice save there, girl. Janis congratulated gerself.
"What does 'fucking around' mean?"
Tommy looked at Janis with his innocent round eyes.
"It's uh...hanging around, ya know? Hanging out...now, go back to bed!"
Janis turned around and resumed watching her X-rated tape. Tommy being a curious young boy, sneaked back down to continue watching the tape a mere 2 minutes later.
"Janis, what does 'having an affair' mean?"
Janis jumped. "Oh, er, it means taking a bath."
"Bitches...and butches?"
"It means ladies and gentlemen! Now go to sleep Tommy, before I call your parents!"
"Only if you answer another question." Tommy answered back cheekily.
"Fine, fine. What is it? Make it quick."
"What's a hooker?"
"Gah! It's a turkey, ok? Now go and sleep!"
Giggling, Tommy ran back upstairs.
***3 days later***
Tommy looked in the mirror and straightened his little tie. The doorbell rang, and he ran down to answer it.
Heaps of relatives came pouring in.
"Happy thanksgiving Tommy!" His grandmother gave him a hug.
In an attempt to be a true gentleman, Tommy recited his prepared speech with a huge grin.
"Bitches and butches, please leave your penises and vaginas on the rack and fuck around patiently, as my mommy is upstairs having an affair, and daddy is in the the kitchen dressing the hooker!"
Everyone promptly fainted.
***
Ermyeah, that's about it. Thanks for letting me take up your time with my nonsensical babble, kthxbye.
Song of the Day:
"Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana"
Because I love this song! =D
2 comments:
wahhahaha
LOL
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