This afternoon KC was telling me about Bay french-kissing with his girlfriend, and boy, I could definitely hear the envy he was radiating. It was dripping off his tone of voice the way fats spill out over too-tight jeans.
Apparently Bay told the girl that he had no idea how to kiss, and she respinded by pecking him on the cheek. And just like that, boom, tongue in mouth action. o_o She's damn obliging lor. And he was exclaiming over her saliva and DA-YUM how she made him feel indescribable.
My reaction was something like: Uhhhh-haaaaaaa...Bay?
Bay? The 16-year-old who acts like a 10-year-old and insists on greeting me with GHEEEEYYYYYYYY!!! every time he wants to ask me something?
It's like imagining Lucy Pevensie from Narnia making out with her boyfriend. Eee...>_<
After that KC went on in a slightly depressed tone about how he can't find a girl like that. Then he went on to rattle off a list of qualities he finds interesting in a girl.
I told him it's ok, you're still young, nothing de. You don't have to go hunting yet. Don't worry. =)
And he responded with:
I gave the hugest snort ever. =_= Somehow, I find that hard to accept. *cough* Lol.
He went on, saying that when you see all your friends pairing off and couples everywhere displayingtheir affection for each other...you just can't help but feel left out.
I stressed that at 16 years of age it's their time to play, nothing serious. It's nothing to worry about - you're not socially stunted.
But silently, I agreed. Although I don't constantly crave for affection, occasionally I just feel like I need some loving.
Doesn't everyone want someone there for them when they're feeling upset?
Or someone to share good news with the moment you get it?
Or someone to just chill you out when you're pisssed?
Friends can do this too, but sometimes I just want a special someone I can hang on to at any time. It's like a security net; in case your friends are unable to be there for you, there's always that someone special to call for comfort, knowing that he or she will never REALLY get mad at you for calling them at odd hours just to be soothed by their words and mere sound of their voice.
Also, I wonder when I will catch someone's eye the way people are drawn to each other inexplicably. =/ The way Swarna is drawn to Dharshen, the way KC was drawn to his girl (who shall currently remain unnamed,) the way Ben was drawn to my sister. (Ewww.)
That person may be the only one that sees something extra in you that draws them to you like moths to a flame - but that one person would be sufficient if the attraction is mutual.
I may not be gorgeous, athletic, exceptionally intelligent, emotionally or otherwise, particularly skilled at something, have a good singing voice, funny nor entertaining. But still, if someone just sees that something they like in me, I can find a reason to love myself again.
I admit that at times I hate myself so deeply it appears irrational.
But all it takes is for someone to remind me why I am their friend at all, then I'll be alright. =)
Sometimes self-confidence is just not enough.
Sometimes I see an unattractive girl on the street with a boy clinging to her arm, obviously in love with her.
Sometimes I see people that I don't like that have girlfriends who cook for them and fawn over them even though they are blown off constantly.
I may not see anything in these people that I find attractive, but obviously there are those who do.
I have examined myself on occasion, wondering whether there is a quality of mine that stands out, and I have yet to find one that truly shines. Anything I can do, there is bound to be someone that can outdo me. Anything I possess, I'm sure someone else has it too.
In this life, some people strive to blend in with the crowd; others strive to stand out and be exceptional.
I, however, fall between these two extremes.
I just want to stand out for the people I care about.
I want to be special in the eyes of the people who care about me.
I can be an ordinary passerby to everyone else and it won't matter, as long as there exists a person who sees me as a unique being, and loves me for it.
I have had guys who are insensitive to my wants, and I've seen from KC's experiences that girls can be just as thoughtless and harsh. Viv has also stressed how most guys are extremely hypocritical and fake in their apparent affections.
The moment they discover someone better, they jump ship and swim to the shore where the new object of affection resides; you're left to fend for yourself on the rapidly sinking ship.
All this has made me lose faith - no lifejackets, no floats, nothing to save you.
Just you, only you, and time to help wash all that nasty salt away from your wounds.
._. Emo sial.
*runs around merajuking*
Still, I have said that I will wait, and I WILL wait.
No point putting effort in something I dislike.
Until someone can convince me that I am indeed special, I will continue living as a nothing-special girl checking out the cute geeks roaming the college compound. =]
(Or uni, next year ^^)
That in itself, is quite fun.
As always, the 'look but don't touch' policy applies.
Song of the Day:
"Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane"
Oh no, don't ask me if I'm PMSing again. Mood swings have other causes too, you know? T_T
Apparently Bay told the girl that he had no idea how to kiss, and she respinded by pecking him on the cheek. And just like that, boom, tongue in mouth action. o_o She's damn obliging lor. And he was exclaiming over her saliva and DA-YUM how she made him feel indescribable.
My reaction was something like: Uhhhh-haaaaaaa...Bay?
Bay? The 16-year-old who acts like a 10-year-old and insists on greeting me with GHEEEEYYYYYYYY!!! every time he wants to ask me something?
It's like imagining Lucy Pevensie from Narnia making out with her boyfriend. Eee...>_<
After that KC went on in a slightly depressed tone about how he can't find a girl like that. Then he went on to rattle off a list of qualities he finds interesting in a girl.
I told him it's ok, you're still young, nothing de. You don't have to go hunting yet. Don't worry. =)
And he responded with:
I don't hunt, they come to me. I just decline them.
I gave the hugest snort ever. =_= Somehow, I find that hard to accept. *cough* Lol.
He went on, saying that when you see all your friends pairing off and couples everywhere displayingtheir affection for each other...you just can't help but feel left out.
I stressed that at 16 years of age it's their time to play, nothing serious. It's nothing to worry about - you're not socially stunted.
But silently, I agreed. Although I don't constantly crave for affection, occasionally I just feel like I need some loving.
Doesn't everyone want someone there for them when they're feeling upset?
Or someone to share good news with the moment you get it?
Or someone to just chill you out when you're pisssed?
Friends can do this too, but sometimes I just want a special someone I can hang on to at any time. It's like a security net; in case your friends are unable to be there for you, there's always that someone special to call for comfort, knowing that he or she will never REALLY get mad at you for calling them at odd hours just to be soothed by their words and mere sound of their voice.
Also, I wonder when I will catch someone's eye the way people are drawn to each other inexplicably. =/ The way Swarna is drawn to Dharshen, the way KC was drawn to his girl (who shall currently remain unnamed,) the way Ben was drawn to my sister. (Ewww.)
That person may be the only one that sees something extra in you that draws them to you like moths to a flame - but that one person would be sufficient if the attraction is mutual.
I may not be gorgeous, athletic, exceptionally intelligent, emotionally or otherwise, particularly skilled at something, have a good singing voice, funny nor entertaining. But still, if someone just sees that something they like in me, I can find a reason to love myself again.
I admit that at times I hate myself so deeply it appears irrational.
But all it takes is for someone to remind me why I am their friend at all, then I'll be alright. =)
Sometimes self-confidence is just not enough.
Sometimes I see an unattractive girl on the street with a boy clinging to her arm, obviously in love with her.
Sometimes I see people that I don't like that have girlfriends who cook for them and fawn over them even though they are blown off constantly.
I may not see anything in these people that I find attractive, but obviously there are those who do.
I have examined myself on occasion, wondering whether there is a quality of mine that stands out, and I have yet to find one that truly shines. Anything I can do, there is bound to be someone that can outdo me. Anything I possess, I'm sure someone else has it too.
In this life, some people strive to blend in with the crowd; others strive to stand out and be exceptional.
I, however, fall between these two extremes.
I just want to stand out for the people I care about.
I want to be special in the eyes of the people who care about me.
I can be an ordinary passerby to everyone else and it won't matter, as long as there exists a person who sees me as a unique being, and loves me for it.
I have had guys who are insensitive to my wants, and I've seen from KC's experiences that girls can be just as thoughtless and harsh. Viv has also stressed how most guys are extremely hypocritical and fake in their apparent affections.
The moment they discover someone better, they jump ship and swim to the shore where the new object of affection resides; you're left to fend for yourself on the rapidly sinking ship.
All this has made me lose faith - no lifejackets, no floats, nothing to save you.
Just you, only you, and time to help wash all that nasty salt away from your wounds.
._. Emo sial.
*runs around merajuking*
Still, I have said that I will wait, and I WILL wait.
No point putting effort in something I dislike.
Until someone can convince me that I am indeed special, I will continue living as a nothing-special girl checking out the cute geeks roaming the college compound. =]
(Or uni, next year ^^)
That in itself, is quite fun.
As always, the 'look but don't touch' policy applies.
Song of the Day:
"Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane"
Oh no, don't ask me if I'm PMSing again. Mood swings have other causes too, you know? T_T
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