I've officially lost my temper openly 4 times in the past 4 weeks.
...
I really need to exercise more self-control.
Not many people have seen me lose it in person, and if they have, it's quite a rare occasion.
My definition of losing my temper:
In short, exploding = =
One time was in New York, where our host and hostess were arguing over beating a red light of all things.
"Sigh. I didn't beat a red light."
"You did! I saw you! Don't lie to me!"
"You can ask them, I did NOT run a red light."
"4 witnesses versus you, HA I WIN!"
I really cannot stand to see couples arguing over such trivial things.
It just pains me so much, even though it's none of my business at all.
Slowly, I felt myself getting more and more agitated over their nonsensical argument, and finally I just snapped.
I said to myself.
Or not.
Somehow, it burst out louder than intended.
My cousin overheard and was shocked.
"Stephanie! Behave yourself!"
The look on her face was pure disbelief and immediately I felt ashamed, but I was still consumed by such rage that I just looked away and ignored her.
It bugged me for the rest of the holiday.
How on earth can I lose control so easily?
It's not right. I dislike public displays of emotion.
That means, no crying, no screaming, no bursting out laughing like a hyena.
Even my cousin was shocked - I can be rude sometimes, but not to strangers and certainly not this directly.
So what happened?
I dunno. =/
After a while, I dismissed it as a rare release of stress.
But nooo, it happened again.
While playing DotA I actually swore in public.
With hatred.
Yeah yeah, I know I talk crudely sometimes, yelling 'Bitch! Hahaha' or 'Oh shit.'
But calling someone 'fucker' is just...not acceptable.
At the time I was just so pissed off, my word filter just shut down completely.
The moment I typed it, I was appalled.
Then, I afk-ed until the end of the game. = =''
Even though it was hosted by a friend, I shouldn't have done that.
But the alternative would not have been pretty either - what if I continued the display of temper?
Hm. Makes me wonder if afking had been a good thing, considering what might have happened if I continued to play.
Sigh.
Alrighty, no more displays of temper.
As mom always told me:
The next time I get angry, I'll bite my tongue.
Repeat to myself - It's none of my business. It's none of my business.
Haha, so the next time I'm really silent, you'll be laughing at me - remembering this post.
=) Don't even ask 'are you angry?'
Well, duh.
Only talk to me when I'm angry if you're confident that you can calm me down.
Otherwise I suggest it's better not to tread on thin ice. No one likes to get drenched, right? =x
I started typing this post cause I just lost my temper with my mom again.
Mildly.
Sis and mom went out for a haircut.
Mom told me to GET READY BY 5.30. DON'T BE LATE.
So yea yea, I get ready by 5.30.
Starving like hell.
I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before - except for a packet of Maggi Mi and a few pathetic pieces of chocolate to keep me conscious.
At 6, they still haven't returned.
I figured, hey, it's raining, I'm sure there's a traffic jam right?
At 6.15, I considered calling and asking what's going on, but decide to wait. KL traffic is killer.
At 6.30, mom calls me and tells me that 'Oh! Long queue at the hairdressers ya. Denise is just having her hair done now.'
"Now only... so what time will you be home?"
"Around 7.15 la."
"You could have told me earlier! Why didn't you tell em earlier? I'm so hungry I haven't eaten anything ok!"
"How will I know there will be a long queue? I wouldn't know what!"
"..."
"So we'll be back around 7.15. Be ready."
"...fine la zzz"
I felt like going wtf, long queue at hairdresses yeah la it's unpredictable...
BUT WTF LA ONE HOUR LATER ONLY CALL MEH?
I'M STARVING LA DAMMIT I JUST LOST 3 FREAKING KILOS I'M GONNA DIE OF MALNUTRITION!
But instead, I bite my tongue and come online.
Sit here and blog, figuring it will relieve me a little.
And I'm right. =/ Thank god I didn't scream at my mom for nothing.
Now I'm just going Har. Har. at my earlier thoughts.
Die of malnutrition?
Definitely possible, but highly unprobable.
But then, if I ever touch the 40 kg mark, I'm screwed ok?
My weight is now hovering somewhere around 43.
BMI of 14 is considered starvation and possibly terminal.
I'm 15.
Now can you understand why I'm worried that I can't put on (and keep on) any weight?
I am sick of all these people going oh, you're so thin, that's nice! Your tummy is so flat...I wish I didn't have a tummy, you lucky lucky girl! OMG your fingers are so nice and long and slim, dammit!
Hello.
I'd rather have a tummy and flabby thighs as opposed to dying ok.
Zzz.
Okay, if I had to pick one area I really need to work on - It's eating.
Yes, I have weight issues like every normal teenager.
Yep, I am concerned about it.
Yeah yeah, I'm trying to work on it. But how can I when things like this happen?
Only one packet of instant noodles with no nutritional value whatsoever in a solid 24 hours?
What the hell?
...
It's 7. 25 and still no word from them yet.
I feel my stomach is being burned inside out from all the acid.
I'm not kidding.
I have a headache.
Gotta go before I start major whining again. = =''
Song of the Day:
"I Wish You Were Here - Incubus"
I miss KROQ. Haha.
...
I really need to exercise more self-control.
Not many people have seen me lose it in person, and if they have, it's quite a rare occasion.
My definition of losing my temper:
Shouting and/or swearing in public; withholding no emotion whatsoever
In short, exploding = =
One time was in New York, where our host and hostess were arguing over beating a red light of all things.
"Sigh. I didn't beat a red light."
"You did! I saw you! Don't lie to me!"
"You can ask them, I did NOT run a red light."
"4 witnesses versus you, HA I WIN!"
I really cannot stand to see couples arguing over such trivial things.
It just pains me so much, even though it's none of my business at all.
Slowly, I felt myself getting more and more agitated over their nonsensical argument, and finally I just snapped.
Oh my freaking God just shut the hell up!
I said to myself.
Or not.
Somehow, it burst out louder than intended.
My cousin overheard and was shocked.
"Stephanie! Behave yourself!"
The look on her face was pure disbelief and immediately I felt ashamed, but I was still consumed by such rage that I just looked away and ignored her.
It bugged me for the rest of the holiday.
How on earth can I lose control so easily?
It's not right. I dislike public displays of emotion.
That means, no crying, no screaming, no bursting out laughing like a hyena.
Even my cousin was shocked - I can be rude sometimes, but not to strangers and certainly not this directly.
So what happened?
I dunno. =/
After a while, I dismissed it as a rare release of stress.
But nooo, it happened again.
While playing DotA I actually swore in public.
With hatred.
Yeah yeah, I know I talk crudely sometimes, yelling 'Bitch! Hahaha' or 'Oh shit.'
But calling someone 'fucker' is just...not acceptable.
At the time I was just so pissed off, my word filter just shut down completely.
The moment I typed it, I was appalled.
Then, I afk-ed until the end of the game. = =''
Even though it was hosted by a friend, I shouldn't have done that.
But the alternative would not have been pretty either - what if I continued the display of temper?
Hm. Makes me wonder if afking had been a good thing, considering what might have happened if I continued to play.
Sigh.
Alrighty, no more displays of temper.
As mom always told me:
If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
The next time I get angry, I'll bite my tongue.
Repeat to myself - It's none of my business. It's none of my business.
Haha, so the next time I'm really silent, you'll be laughing at me - remembering this post.
=) Don't even ask 'are you angry?'
Well, duh.
Only talk to me when I'm angry if you're confident that you can calm me down.
Otherwise I suggest it's better not to tread on thin ice. No one likes to get drenched, right? =x
I started typing this post cause I just lost my temper with my mom again.
Mildly.
Sis and mom went out for a haircut.
Mom told me to GET READY BY 5.30. DON'T BE LATE.
So yea yea, I get ready by 5.30.
Starving like hell.
I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before - except for a packet of Maggi Mi and a few pathetic pieces of chocolate to keep me conscious.
At 6, they still haven't returned.
I figured, hey, it's raining, I'm sure there's a traffic jam right?
At 6.15, I considered calling and asking what's going on, but decide to wait. KL traffic is killer.
At 6.30, mom calls me and tells me that 'Oh! Long queue at the hairdressers ya. Denise is just having her hair done now.'
"Now only... so what time will you be home?"
"Around 7.15 la."
"You could have told me earlier! Why didn't you tell em earlier? I'm so hungry I haven't eaten anything ok!"
"How will I know there will be a long queue? I wouldn't know what!"
"..."
"So we'll be back around 7.15. Be ready."
"...fine la zzz"
I felt like going wtf, long queue at hairdresses yeah la it's unpredictable...
BUT WTF LA ONE HOUR LATER ONLY CALL MEH?
I'M STARVING LA DAMMIT I JUST LOST 3 FREAKING KILOS I'M GONNA DIE OF MALNUTRITION!
But instead, I bite my tongue and come online.
Sit here and blog, figuring it will relieve me a little.
And I'm right. =/ Thank god I didn't scream at my mom for nothing.
Now I'm just going Har. Har. at my earlier thoughts.
Die of malnutrition?
Definitely possible, but highly unprobable.
But then, if I ever touch the 40 kg mark, I'm screwed ok?
My weight is now hovering somewhere around 43.
BMI of 14 is considered starvation and possibly terminal.
I'm 15.
Now can you understand why I'm worried that I can't put on (and keep on) any weight?
I am sick of all these people going oh, you're so thin, that's nice! Your tummy is so flat...I wish I didn't have a tummy, you lucky lucky girl! OMG your fingers are so nice and long and slim, dammit!
Hello.
I'd rather have a tummy and flabby thighs as opposed to dying ok.
Zzz.
Okay, if I had to pick one area I really need to work on - It's eating.
Yes, I have weight issues like every normal teenager.
Yep, I am concerned about it.
Yeah yeah, I'm trying to work on it. But how can I when things like this happen?
Only one packet of instant noodles with no nutritional value whatsoever in a solid 24 hours?
What the hell?
...
It's 7. 25 and still no word from them yet.
I feel my stomach is being burned inside out from all the acid.
I'm not kidding.
I have a headache.
Gotta go before I start major whining again. = =''
Song of the Day:
"I Wish You Were Here - Incubus"
I miss KROQ. Haha.
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